Duh’Merica (a poem)

DUH’merica, what have you done?

While you parade the streets in gas guzzling suburbans, there are soldiers dying around the world trying to kill dark-skinned people after taking orders from fat, pasty-white politicians who only care about their offshore bank accounts.

DUH’merica, why don’t you care?

That our children have difficulty finding China on a map, but they can update their Facebook status perfectly while crossing a busy city street without getting splattered in traffic.

DUH’merica, why can’t you turn it off?

The Kardashians, TMZ, The Bachelor, American Idol, America’s Got Talent sift through the minds of our youth like a slow, neurotoxin eating them from the inside out. Continue reading


DUH’America; A Culture Lost

“All humans are out of their fucking minds- every single one of them.” Albert Ellis

That quote is probably one of my favorites ever.  Only a few words; but so perfectly astute, so perfectly transcendent of time, so right on the fucking money.

Just take a look around the world we live in and think about how true that quote is.

Poverty & War: We have millions of children in our country who don’t know where their next meal is coming from, yet we spend trillions of dollars fighting wars against people who don’t want us near them.

Apparently, bombing dark-skinned people half way across the world is more important than feeding our own needy, innocent children here at home.

Sorry little Jimmy, no oatmeal for you, we have to bomb some dudes riding camels in the desert.

Education: We have a continually floundering education system that would rather cut music and theater programs to save money, but never think to cut any sports programs.

Sorry little Jenny with perfect pitch and a voice like Renee Fleming, touchdowns and slam-dunks are more important than the Arts. Continue reading

Dear Pussies

I’m tired of the whining, I’m tired of the bitching and complaining.  America has turned into a nation of big, giant, dripping wet pussies.

(I mean no disrespect to women or their vaginas with this post.  I quite like vaginas; it just so happens that the word “pussy” is used universally to describe people as wimps.  I didn’t create that.)

On Patriotism: Stop moaning every time I say I’m against war, that doesn’t mean I’m unpatriotic, it just means I have a differing opinion than those who enjoy bombing the hell out of dark-skinned people half way across the world.

Hey, they killed about 3,000 of us at the Twin Towers; I think we are more than even now.

How much longer do we need to prove our dick-size?

And don’t patronize me with your American Flag displays.  Nothing screams “Patriot” more than your old ass truck with a confederate flag waving from the tailgate.  AMERICA, FUCK YEAH.

On American Idol Contestants: Hey parents, if your kid sings like a wounded dog, please have the courage to tell them that they suck.

When you hide the truth from your kids in an effort not to hurt their feelings, you are only setting them up for embarrassment and failure.

It’s better for you, their parents, to tell them that they suck instead of encouraging them to display their ill-fated vocals in front of a panel of judges and millions of Americans on television.

“But mommy and daddy, you said I was the best singer in the county.  Why did everyone laugh at me?”  See, just tell them they suck and none of that will happen.  Continue reading

The Freedom to be Stupid

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” Albert Einstein

I am an American and I would like to know what has happened to my country?

It’s wonderful to be free, but unfortunately, freedom often protects those who are complete fucking morons.

Here are some examples:

Case in point 1: Dumb-Ass North Carolina Rednecks

“Build a great big large fence 50 or 100 miles long. Put all the lesbians in there. Fly over and drop some food. Do the same thing with the queers and the homosexuals. Have that fence electrified so they can’t get out. You know what, in a few years, they’ll die out. You know why? They can’t reproduce,” said Charles Worley, pastor at Providence Road Baptist Church in Maiden, N.C.

Why won’t any reporter covering this story just say what should be said?

I want to hear someone on live television say, “Excuse me Pastor Worley, do you realize that you are a gigantic jack-ass and you are spitting in the face of evolution with your archaic beliefs and opinions?  Stop hiding behind your Bible, fucking your sisters, do the world a favor and slit your wrists immediately.” 

But sadly, no one has the balls to say that for fear of pissing someone off.  It’s ok to piss off assholes. Continue reading

Only in America…..

Only in America… can millions of innocent children starve while our government spends billions bombing dark-skinned people half way around the world.

Only in America… can someone like Kim Kardashian become famous by sucking and fucking a rapper.

Only in America… can people kill other people for Air Jordan shoes.

Only in America… can people be trampled to death trying to get into WalMart to save $20 on a television before Christmas.

Only in America… can people believe in God and not believe in Evolution or the Big Bang.

Only in America… can people be paid millions of dollars to play a sport while teachers hover near the poverty level.

Only in America… can school children text, sext and navigate social media websites, but can’t find China on a map.

Only in America… is TMZ more popular than William Shakespeare.

Only in America… is Rosie O’Donnell allowed to try to be humorous.

Only in America… can the high school quarterback be famous while the Chemistry genius gets ridiculed.

Only in America… can people eat themselves into obesity and get a special handicapped parking pass. Continue reading