Adventures at WalMart (a true story)

A while ago, I had to exchange a television at WalMart because the one I bought there a few days ago did not have a remote.  This should have been a truly easy task to accomplish; but idiocy, poor breeding and patriotism stood directly in my path.

Act I. The Beginning of the Transaction: I walked in with the television and my receipt and made my way to the customer service counter.

The employee was a young girl probably 19 or so with bad hair, but she was nice.  She took my receipt, stared at the “return/exchange” policy board behind her and told me that I had to exchange it for something that cost the exact same amount or something that costs more.

She explained that she couldn’t give me a refund in any way, shape or form.

“Whatever,” I thought to myself, I just wanted the exact same television, but this time with the remote it’s supposed to come with.

Act II. The Service Poodle:  I found the exact same television and made my way back to customer service to finalize the exchange.  Continue reading



(This is inspired by living in Florida almost my whole life and dealing with annoying old people)

HEY OLD MAN……..Please for the love of Krishna, stay in bed long enough for me to get to work before you hit the streets in your 35 foot Cadillac and swerve your way to IHOP.  YOU ARE RETIRED and IHOP is open 24 hours a day.  That means you don’t need to drive the streets while the rest of the coherent drivers under the age of 80 are trying to bring home some bacon.

HEY OLD MAN……..Please don’t think that it’s normal for you to continually fart as you walk through the Wal-Mart aisles looking for Sensodyne.  Just because you can’t hear anything doesn’t mean that the rest of us aren’t inhaling the fumes of the dead cat that crawled up your ass while you were pulling weeds in your garden. Continue reading