People ‘Round Here

religious-fanaticI recently commented on a blog post about god’s will and received a very pointed reply comment from a believer.

You can visit the blog post here if you would like: Not So Polite Dinner Conversation-A Christian commenter comes slinking back, and a question; why believe one and not the others?    

I enjoyed the post whether it was a true story or an invented one.  I like how it was presented and the discussion it created.  I had to stop commenting because I didn’t want to troll.

The comments reminded me about my time in college.  I attended a small, private Baptist college in North West Georgia.

Growing up in Florida, my college life was a huge culture shock for me.  But I wouldn’t trade that experience for anything.  It helped me grow as a person and see life from several different perspectives.

I attended school during the late 1990’s, but it felt more like the 1940’s.  The town was extremely religious and very, very white.

The people in my college town were mostly Southern Baptist and very close-minded.  Although the town had two colleges, a large segment of the population was largely uneducated and very simple-minded.

While out in public, it was not uncommon to hear people throwing around racial epithets like “nigger,” “spic,” “wetback,” etc in normal conversations. It was also not uncommon to watch people in public berate those who may have appeared homosexual.  This was very normal and accepted there. Continue reading

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Rednecks Don’t Need Spell Check

(I’m not sure why, but this post gets the most views of anything I’ve written.  Apparently, rednecks are polarizing.)

“No one has anythang agenst rednecks” Chris from Independence High

 

(I used to run a website where I made fun of people who posted stupid shit on Facebook.  This was one of my posts about rednecks.)

One group of people who always help me feel intelligent is “Rednecks.”

I absolutely love the fact that they jack off on their bibles, wear camouflage, hate all non-white people, hate northerners for no reason, use the word nigger, hate gay people, fuck their sisters/cousins/aunts/uncles, go mudding, hunt anything with a pulse and bitch and complain all the time about Hispanics taking their jobs.

Rednecks are the best.  Society always needs a continuous stream of racist, sister fuckers with non-chlorinated gene pools to keep the white race alive.  Sometimes, I am so proud to be white (sarcasm).

Please do not get confused between “Rednecks” and “Country People”.   There are actually many good country folk out there and those are not the people I am speaking about here.

But, for the love of God, Allah, Buddha and Krishna, WHY CAN’T REDNECKS USE SPELL CHECK???  I just do not get it.  The following posts are from Redneck Groups on Facebook.  Just read and enjoy.   And remember, this is real; I could not make this shit up. Continue reading

Dear Mr. Redneck

I was behind you in traffic again today. The over sized tires on your camouflaged truck made me feel like a dwarf and the silver balls hanging from your trailer hitch made me want to throw up the salad I had for lunch.

But that’s alright, I understand your need to put testicles on the back of your truck. I get it.

RACE, GUNS & INBREEDING: You did seem like you were in a hurry as you were speeding and weaving in and out of traffic. I thought maybe a deer was running free in the area or that maybe there were some “towel heads” getting close to the airport.

Got to get rid of them dark-skinned people. I’m guessing you weren’t rushing home to catch the latest Will and Grace episode or What’s Happening re-runs.

Maybe the National Rifle Association was having a meeting and you were running late. I think I heard there was a Charlton Heston tribute going on somewhere. I know, I know, “guns don’t’ kill people, people do.”

Yeah, but if there weren’t guns then how would anyone……..oh never mind. It is your constitutional right to bear arms and I don’t mean give birth to additional extremities.
 I’m not too sure though if it’s your right to continual spit in the face of evolution with your constant sister-mating and mullet rat-tails. Continue reading

Hey Baptist

(Author’s note; I’m rather enjoying writing in this style, kind of like a letter to people who piss me off.  It makes me feel like someone is actually listening.  I graduated from a small, private Baptist college in Rome, Georgia, hence the inspiration.  It was the most racist, backwoods, redneck filled city I’ve ever lived in.)

Hey Baptist– Stop telling me not to drink beer while you fill your obese face with only deep-fried foods while washing it down with gallons of sweet tea and Mountain Dew.

A vegetable is no longer a vegetable once you bread it with flour, deep fry it and dip it in Ranch Dressing.

Hey Baptist– Stop telling me that I’m going to hell for having premarital sex while you secretly Google search “Filipino Lady-Boys Ball-Gag Naked Twister”.

I know that your wife is constantly busy folding your laundry, buttering your toast, ironing your suspenders and picking up your Twinkie wrappers and probably is too tired to let you go balls deep inside her each night. Continue reading

Hey North Carolina,

So how does it feel to be in the spotlight because of a crazy, ass, white-trash preacher who thinks gays should be eliminated from the planet?

No worries, I get it, you have to follow your Bible that says homosexuality is an abomination and punishable by death.

I’m always impressed with people who hold a belief and remain steadfast in those beliefs.  Commitment is a wonderful, godly attribute.

But the hold the phone here, I just read a study that says North Carolina is 14th most obese state in the nation with 29.4% of its adults being considered obese.

OOOPS, it appears hypocrisy has reared its ugly head once again in the deep, deep south.

“He who keeps the law is a discerning son, but a companion of gluttons disgraces his father.” Proverbs 23:2 proclaims, “Put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony.”

Oh shit, you do realize that comes from the same Bible that condemns gay people, right? Continue reading