Eclectic; a hipster conversation

From the Merriam Webster online dictionary- ECLECTIC: (n) one who uses a method or approach that is composed of elements drawn from various sources; one who uses an eclectic method or approach

For the most part, people who use the term “eclectic” really piss me off.  Generally, people who throw this term aimlessly into the air from their PBR stained lips are Hipsters or anyone else attempting to be ironically cool.

They are always trying to sound cooler than the current year they live in.  Let me explain a bit here.  Hipsters never live in the present.

They are either dressing, talking, smelling like they live in a previous era or they are attempting to create a new, futuristic beard/side-burn concoction.

But when the day is over, they are exactly like every other douche bag that is trying overly hard to be cooler than the person across from them drinking an obscure craft beer.

Here’s a small example of how the conversation may go down: (a normal, secure person sparking up a conversation with a Hipster)

     Normal Secure Person: Hi there, what kind of music do you like?

       Hipster: Well, I have a very eclectic taste in music.  I listen to a wide variety of artists, except Top 40 of course.  I don’t like to categorize anything or pigeon hole any artists, that would be unfair to their process. Continue reading

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Fifty Shades of Lame

Well, DUH’America did it again.  Brevard County in Melbourne, Fl banned the ridiculously popular Shades of Grey book from its libraries.

Yep, that’s right, apparently Brevard County is waging a war against all the pathetic, attention lacking, pre-menopausal, middle-aged women in their county.  How can any county government wage a public war against women like this?

I feel absolutely terrible that these poor, desperately in need of self-esteem women can’t check out a book that helps them diddle themselves. Continue reading

Dear Pussies

I’m tired of the whining, I’m tired of the bitching and complaining.  America has turned into a nation of big, giant, dripping wet pussies.

(I mean no disrespect to women or their vaginas with this post.  I quite like vaginas; it just so happens that the word “pussy” is used universally to describe people as wimps.  I didn’t create that.)

On Patriotism: Stop moaning every time I say I’m against war, that doesn’t mean I’m unpatriotic, it just means I have a differing opinion than those who enjoy bombing the hell out of dark-skinned people half way across the world.

Hey, they killed about 3,000 of us at the Twin Towers; I think we are more than even now.

How much longer do we need to prove our dick-size?

And don’t patronize me with your American Flag displays.  Nothing screams “Patriot” more than your old ass truck with a confederate flag waving from the tailgate.  AMERICA, FUCK YEAH.

On American Idol Contestants: Hey parents, if your kid sings like a wounded dog, please have the courage to tell them that they suck.

When you hide the truth from your kids in an effort not to hurt their feelings, you are only setting them up for embarrassment and failure.

It’s better for you, their parents, to tell them that they suck instead of encouraging them to display their ill-fated vocals in front of a panel of judges and millions of Americans on television.

“But mommy and daddy, you said I was the best singer in the county.  Why did everyone laugh at me?”  See, just tell them they suck and none of that will happen.  Continue reading

The Plague of Misguided Confidence

“With realization of one’s own potential and self-confidence in one’s ability, one can build a better world.”
Dalai Lama (Head of the Dge-lugs-pa order of Tibetan Buddhists, 1989 Nobel Peace Prize, b.1935)

There is a troubling plague that has been running rampant throughout America for years now and it’s truly driving me insane.

Ebola?  Smallpox? Aids? Avian Flu? Swine Flu?   Nope, the plague is called; MISGUIDED CONFIDENCE.

Since you asked, the Plague of Misguided Confidence is really very simple to explain.  It’s a plague that was started and continues to be perpetuated by PARENTS.

It happens when parents are too scared to tell their children when they suck at something.

For example, all those kids on the first couple episodes of American Idol who can’t sing, but think they can= MISGUIDED CONFIDENCE.

For example, all those pageant kids who aren’t cute and have shitty attitudes= MISGUIDED CONFIDENCE.

Worst American Idol Auditions

Life is a zero-sum game, which means that there are winners and losers.  It’s better to be honest and realistic with your children than to support them with misguided confidence.  Continue reading