Bradentucky Seafood Festival; the land of white trash

“Deprived of meaningful work, men and women lose their reason for existence; they go stark, raving mad.” Fyodor Dostoevsky

A man wearing only one flip flop, sits slumped over on a bench resting the side of his head on a oak tree about 20 feet from the main stage.  He is wearing a black shirt with a red confederate flag on the front that says, “You’ve got your X, we’ve got ours.”

There are other men in only slightly better condition standing behind him drinking Budweiser from cans and  smoking pot from a one-hitter that slides into a belt buckle.  Behind them, a normal looking mom and dad with three young sons eat fried foods on extra-large toothpicks.

The weather is beautiful.  It’s about 80 degrees, sunny with no clouds and very little humidity.  The kind of weather that keeps the tourists around until the snow melts in their northern hometowns.  The kind of weather that keeps the tourists clogging my streets while I try not to succumb to massive road rage.

“If I leave here tomorrow, would you still remember me,” is the Lynyrd Skynrd song being played by the band.  About 25 to 30 people attempt to dance to the country anthem, but really just sway back and forth spilling beer on their feet without a care.  A rough, biker looking couple wades through the crowd with a pet python wrapped around both of their necks.  Little children run up to pet it, while others run away and grab their mother’s legs. Continue reading

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Dear Soccer Mom

 

(I’m posting this again because I have to pick my kids up today and this will surely happen again.)

Hi there, you don’t know me, but you cut me off today while speeding through a 20 MPH school zone in your extended Chevy Suburban with the stickers on the back window that shows how many children you have.

I’m sure there was a good reason for you endangering the lives of young, innocent school children by blatantly ignoring the speed limit.

Maybe you broke a nail and had a “salon-emergency.”

Maybe one of your fake, silicone tits popped and you had to race to your plastic surgeon’s office before the other 20 soulless insecure women beat you there.

Maybe you just found out that your husband was banging his much younger than you, much hotter than you, much tighter than you secretary and you were speeding to your lawyer’s office to draw up the divorce papers.

Silly me, that couldn’t be true because there is no way in hell you would divorce your meal ticket, the provider of your country club lifestyle.  Continue reading

Political Lesson 1- (dumb, white Republicans)

This will be the first in my Political Lesson series.  Don’t worry, I won’t discriminate. Lessons about Democrats and Independents are coming soon after this post.

“Refudiate,’ ‘misunderestimate,’ ‘wee-wee’d up.’ English is a living language. Shakespeare liked to coin new words too. Got to celebrate it!” Sarah Palin via Twitter

Conservative white America jizzed all over their collective panties when Sarah Palin was paraded onto the stage as John McCain’s running mate in 2008.

Wow, that was a gigantic “HOLY SHIT” experiment.

Forget what political party she represented, she was not educated enough to be a running mate for any political election.  Shit, she wasn’t educated enough to teach Geography to first graders.

But guess what DUH’America???  All you cared about was that she was a woman; she was white, believed in God and was pro-life. Continue reading

So Hard to Be RICH

I travel to the Miami area quite a bit for work and I’m always amazed at some of the things I see.  The wealth in the Miami area is astounding and trust me, there is no recession over there.

I was at the Aventura Mall and some things I observed inspired this post.

This wasn’t your average mall.  This was a mall where half the parking lot was reserved for valet and I’ve never seen so many $100K vehicles in one small area.
It was truly mind blowing.  There were Bentleys, Rolls, Masserattis that made Mercedes look like a Yugo.

And There She Stood: I was walking into the mall when I saw her standing waiting on the valet attendant.  She was the A-Typical, rich Miami bitch.

From the top to the bottom:

*Platinum bleached blonde hair that looks like it will crack like peanut brittle if touched, every inch of her face over-sculpted with plastic surgery to the point that she may swallow her head with the next attempt at a smile,

*Fake DD tits that are at least 20 years older than the A cups she used to have,

*Louis Vitton bag the size of a midget hanging from her arm,

So, So Hard: It’s amazing how hard it is to be rich.  So much surgery, so much money wasted on designer clothes, so much attention paid to making sure everyone else knows you have money, so much effort to be just like everyone else.

Of course, there are plenty of rich people in the world who don’t act like this, but they don’t intrigue me like the “plastic monsters” who trip over their spiked heels on their way to the salon.

Wake up America, your greed is disgusting and only makes look like little piggies.