Blog Awards and Deez Nutz

At first, I didn’t always appreciate being nominated for blog awards from other bloggers.

But that’s because I can be a intolerable, selfish asshole sometimes.

I now realize nominations are a great way to get to know other bloggers and share their talents.

Thanks MrMary, for nominating and always supporting me, I truly appreciate it.

Rules:

  • Thank the person who nominated you
  • Describe 7 things about yourself
  • Nominate as many other bloggers as you want

Seven things about me:

  1. I have a terrible fear of public toilets
  2. If possible, I would resurrect Bill Hicks from the dead because I desperately want to hear his opinions about the current state of America
  3. I think 99% of politicians are absolutely full of shit and people who don’t realize that fact should be banned from talking
  4. I honestly worry that China will one day take over America and we will be eating fried golden retriever nuggets and getting to work via rickshaws
  5. I truly believe that the Kardashians are one of the worst influences for today’s children
  6. I am a truly sincere, caring person, even if some of my posts may not reflect that.
  7. I like to call my friends and ask them a question where their response to me is, “Who”.  Then I say “DEEZ NUTZ!!!!!”  I know it’s juvenile, but it cracks my ass up

NOMINATIONS:

Reclusewritings– some very interesting writing here

Trashbaggage’s Blog– always some humorous shit

Mooselicker- he may have similar toilet issues like me

Things Could Be Worse– seems like a cool guy even if he does like Boston sports teams

Wisethisnews– seems a bit clever

Uninspired Revolution– some cool stuff here

The Life of J-Wo– interesting

 

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Kreativ Blogger Award

A special thanks to Onlyspartanwomen for nominating me via Disfuctional Unit, I truly appreciate it and especially like how you described me:

TheSandyTongue-This blog is not for everyone.  It’s pretty raunchy.  He uses a lot of profanity.  He is not politically correct.  He’s an atheist (I think).  Every once in a while he feels compelled to do a product endorsement for some toiletry he puts on his crotch.  So who, do you ask, is the Sandy Tongue for? 

Mainly anyone who’s a sucker for people who are unapologetically compelled to speak their truth, not for shock value, but because they are sincerely expressing their uncensored opinion with the expectation that there are at least a few grown ups in the world who understand you don’t have to separate your friends and enemies along the lines of those who always share your viewpoint and those who don’t. 

I definitely do not always agree with the opinion spoken by the The Sandy Tongue (although often I do), but I appreciate the different points of view he brings to the table.  Most of the time he’s pretty funny.  Sometimes he’s downright hysterical.

Seven things that people may not know about me: Continue reading

TMI: Most Embarrasing Night Involving a Toilet

Thanks to howtodateboys for nominating me and encouraging me to share a terribly embarrassing moment in my life.

(I have some deep-seeded public restroom issues.)

The Scene: My wife and I at a tapas restaurant sitting at the bar.

The Event: I felt a pain in my stomach that almost knocked me off my bar stool.  Although loud music playing in the bar area, I think everyone in the place could hear the rumble inside my belly.

It was like a mini-gastric-earthquake ripping through my body.  I dropped my pants and the second my pasty, white cheeks touched the porcelain seat, EXPLOSION!!!  It was like a giant cow patty.  Final, relief was mine…….. for the moment.

The Problem: I cleaned myself and reached to flush.  HOLY, FUCKING, SHIT………… the toilet would not flush. MAYDAY, MAYDAY………the toilet would not flush.

I pulled the back lid off and started tinkering with the mechanical innards, but nothing worked.  My cow patty was not going anywhere.

Decision time; I washed my hands quickly and carefully cracked the door to see if anyone was waiting in the hallway.  The coast was clear so I walked briskly back to the bar and stood next to my wife at the bat.

“Wow, that sure was a long pee.  Aren’t you going to sit down,” she said.

“Nope, it’s time to go.  We have to leave now,” I said as I put down plenty of cash next to our plates.

As we were walking out the door, I looked back over my shoulder and noticed a few employees gathering in the bathroom where I left my destruction.

My Nominees:

A Spoonful of Suga; Mrmarymuthafuckingpoppins

Flamidwyfe’s Blog

John the Aussie

Commander in Chic

Magic in the Backyard

Emily He

Pigeon Heart