John Travolta and the Creepy Van

(I wrote this years ago before any of this “gay” rumor shit was in the news.  And by the way, who gives a fuck if Travolta likes to give rim jobs to hot, male masseurs?)

Am I the only person around who thinks John Travolta is just a bit too creepy and might be that guy you see driving a weird, old van in your neighborhood right after school lets out?

I’m not even talking about the whole Scientology aspect either.  His smile is just a little bit “off” for me.

When I see him on television doing an interview he kind of looks like that guy who drives the old, decrepit van with the tinted bubble window on the back offering kids in your neighborhood candy.

You know the van I’m talking about, the one with the airbrushed wizard mural on the side.  It was the type of van your mother told you to stay away from.

The van that was always circling the elementary school playground, the van with the mini air conditioner unit in the back window speeding away from playgrounds like a convict was driving.

Then, on the rare occasion that the van actually parked somewhere, the guy getting out had bad, green prison tattoos and that crazy Travolta-like smile.

That smile that someone only has when they have one hand down their pants and are alone on their couch watching a neighbor sunbathing.   That smile. Continue reading


The Decline of the Mustache

In ancient times, a man wearing a mustache was considered to be virile, confidant and well positioned in society. In most societies, mustachioed men were respected, feared and widely sought after for breeding.

“When I used to see men walking in the courtyards near my palace, my genitals always tingled fervently when my eyes gazed upon a mustachioed man.” Mary Antoinette

Since ancient times have long passed, let’s play a little game to get a better understanding about the status of today’s mustache.

Word Association (to exhibit the declination of the stache):

Mustache- Salvador Dali

Mustache- Tom Selleck

Mustache- Burt Reynolds

Mustache- Super Mario

Mustache- Ron Swanson

Mustache- Rapist?????

Mustache- Pedophile????

Mustache- Adolf Hitler (yikes, the ultimate stache)

Mustache- Hipster

Sadly, it’s true. The mustache has seemingly lost its once prominent status. In the past, a full mustache was considered by many to be a sign of elegance, a sign of rugged masculinity. But now, I fear that image has changed. Continue reading

The Campaign Adverts you Won’t Hear About…………..

I’m sure I’m not the only who is already nauseated by the Obama and Romney political campaign adverts currently invading our television space. 

It kills me that most people can’t identify that it’s all total BULL SHIT, but then again, the Kardashians are famous so I guess I understand.

If I were a millionaire, I would run adverts like this, just for the fun of it:

FOR OBAMA: In 1994, Mitt Romney was seen scalping children and using the dead skin as the salty ingredient to complete his famous clam chowder recipe.

Later that year, Romney ordered 5,000 DD bras from Victoria’s Secret, filled his bathtub with them, rolled around naked in the tub while singing “We Are the World.”

Do you really trust a man who scalps little children for his clam chowder and frolics naked with bras????  Continue reading