As Queer as a Football Bat (American Sports)

I was an athlete for many years and I enjoy the entertainment value of sports.  But, something has always intrigued me about the overt homosexual elements presented within athletics.

In America, sports are more highly regarded than almost every other element of society.  Most of our children grow up wanting to be a professional athlete and most parents are more than willing to help them attempt to make that dream come true.

For the exception of the WNBA, homosexuality and American athletics does not mix.  I was an athlete for years and I can tell you firsthand that being gay in locker room is about as comfortable as eating a cactus sandwich.

Why then is America alright with their superstar, male athletes doing the following things:
1.    Smacking another teammate on the ass after he makes a good play.  (When is this ever considered not-gay?)
2.    A quarterback placing his hands under the center’s anus as he awaits the hiking of the “ball.” (Let’s see here; guys hand touching another guys taint and ball sack, WOW) Continue reading

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DUH’America CONCUSSED

So, more than 1800 former NFL players are suing the NFL now because they claim that the NFL hid facts about concussion dangers from them.

HOLY, FUCKING, SHIT.

Let’s take a closer look at this.  Football players who put helmets on and try to demolish every player on the other team are claiming that they didn’t realize concussions were bad for them

DANGER???:  Wow, so you mean to tell me that running full speed and crashing head first into another guy running full speed is bad for your head?????  I had no idea.

I hate to bring this up, but doesn’t this logic sound eerily familiar to the woman who sued McDonald’s because she claimed that she didn’t realize the hot coffee she ordered could burn her.

That calls for another, HOLY FUCKING, SHIT.

MALE EGO: I think what cracks me up the most about these football players is that every single one of them knew that playing football was damn dangerous.

That’s one of the main reasons men like the sport.  I played football and knew plenty of people who played and not one of them who quit football for any reason.  Men are young, dumb and full of EGO and cum.

It’s not manly to quite because you “could” get injured.  Give me a fucking break NFL players.

LAWYERS: Our litigious society needs to slow its roll, this is getting ridiculous.

Next thing you know someone is going to sue PepsiCo for becoming addicted to Mountain Dew.  HOLY SHIT, I think that’s me, I need to call 1-800-AMBULANCE CHASER and get paid.

I’m left wondering when all the ex-professional boxer lawsuits are going to hit.  I mean, who knew that being clocked in the head 300 times a night could be bad for you????  Those poor guys (sarcasm).

THE ANSWER: How about this DUH’America; take responsibility for your own actions.  If you partake in a job, in a sport, or any other activity that is dangerous, be prepared for any of the possible consequences that may occur.

Wow, that sounds almost profoundly logical and simple; exactly why it will never happen.  I put my head in my hands and wonder why people in this country are so FUCKING STUPID.

DUH’America; the majority of you are concussed and you don’t even realize it yet.  BLAH

American Athletes, the Real Tragedy

The world of American sports was rocked yesterday when it learned that retired NFL player Junior Seau apparently committed suicide by shooting himself in the chest.  Immediately, ESPN went into overdrive covering the story and started speaking about concussions and athlete injuries.

HOLD YOUR FUCKING HORSES AMERICA

I have a little different take on American athletes.

Now, before I start my tirade, I want everyone to know that I am very sympathetic to Seau’s family for losing him at the young age of 43.  It was widely reported that he was having personal issues and I never wish that upon anyone.

Only one person truly knows what was going on in his head and that was him.

But, I’m a realist, so prepare yourself for the truth as I see it.

Please keep in mind that I was a college athlete and I have been friends with a few professional athletes throughout my life, so I am speaking from experience.  Also, I do understand that there are plenty of professional athletes who are good, intelligent people, just not that many.

The Rise: When you are a star athlete in America; you are coddled, you are taken care of, and your hand is held, generally from high school throughout your professional career.

You walk the halls of your schools with your head held high and your hand holding your dick because you are the shit.  People take your picture, people write articles about you, and people give you free food, money and make you feel like you are a king. Continue reading

Tim Tebow, God & Dumb America

Tim Tebow passed for 316 yards in an improbable victory against the Pittsburgh Steelers in the playoffs this year.

Religious America went crazy, nutso, speaking in tongues, slapping their Bibles against the pews jubilation for the professed virgin as he knelt, prayed and thanked god for his team’s victory.

Facebook pages buzzed with talk of the 3:16 victory. That’s right, 3:16, like the Bible verse. Apparently god watches football and listen to football players’ prayers. Forget all the starving children in the country, America needs touchdowns. Continue reading