the good life

“I’m looking in… on the good life I might be… doomed never to find.” new slang by the shins

Each time I listen to that song that one line resonates deeply for me.  I think we’ve all been at a point in our lives when we’ve been looking for some place where we’d rather be.

Our current circumstances may seem so unbearable, so intolerable that we wander down the street looking for that better life.  We peer through the window of the family with the seemingly perfect life.  The family with the big car, the bright diamonds, the Rolex and the glaring smiles.

Then hopefully you realize what a crock of shit that is.  That smiling family is usually more fucked up than you.  The husband gave the wife herpes.  The Rolex is fake.  They are still paying for the diamond at 25% interest and they sleep in different rooms.

Perspective is an incredible concept to understand.  I’m 40 now and it took me a damn long time to figure out the beauty of perspective.

All those wasted years I spent looking for that good life almost doomed me.  Almost.


time is a flat circle (what if?)


“Time is a flat circle.  And the curse of all life is that we repeat our same mistakes again and again, playing the roles of mythical archetypes, the fool, the hunter, walking ghosts seeking a solace that only comes with the brief respite of the grave.” True Detective

trueYes, I’m addicted to True Detective.  Each episode brings forth a new quote that absolutely mesmerizes me.

Especially the one above. Thing about that one for a minute, let it sink in.

Think about life.  Think about your life.  Think about the world we live in.

What if?  What if?  What if?  What if?

When Life Changes

“Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter could be said to remedy anything.” Kurt Vonnegut

I realized the other night just how much my life has changed in the past few years.
I’ve always been a sports fan and the College Football National Championship was on the other night.

Juan-Pablo-Bachelor-Contestants-PicturesI fully planned on watching the game rather than anything else that night.

But after about five minutes I realized that my wife and three daughters had coaxed me into watching the Bachelor premiere.

So, instead of watching sports, I was suddenly playing a game of “pick which hooker we want to get the rose.”  It was at this point that I realized my life had drastically changed. Continue reading

My Grandfather & My “Party Suicide”

(I’m reposting this because I recently went to a family party and was thinking about him.  It was one of the first parties after he died)

I went to visit my 88 year-old grandfather today.  He has Alzheimer’s, lacerated ulcers and gastric lymphoma.  He’s dying quickly now.  He took a turn for the worse the other day and it’s probably just a matter of days now.

He never had any health problems until the Alzheimer’s got him last year.

A Brief History: He was a great man.  He graduated high school when he was 16 and later graduated from college and attained a master’s degree.

He was a farmer, a lobster fisherman and was vice president of a large chemical company before retiring.

His first wife was an alcoholic and treated him, my father and my aunt like pieces of shit.  She’s dead now and I never cared.  No one shed a tear for her.

He had a second wife and she was an evil bitch.  She nearly killed him and stole everything he cared about when they divorced.

After fucking my grandfather over, she had a stroke, was paralyzed for a time and then died.  Fuck her too, I never shed a tear.

He was a great husband, father, grandfather and never hurt a soul.  He was a gentle man.

I speak of him in the past tense because he is no longer here.  His body is on earth, but his mind is gone.

His Room: I walked in to his room and there he was, under his covers with his mouth agape like he was catching flies.  His skin has become almost translucent now and he’s starting to resemble a skeleton.  Continue reading

The Great Bukowski

“We’re all going to die, all of us, what a circus! That alone should make us love each other but it doesn’t. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities, we are eaten up by nothing.”

―Charles Bukowski


Something that has always intrigued me about brilliant people is that often their quotes can transcend time and remain applicable to society no matter what the era. Like many people, I’m a fan of Bukowski and the quote above is a perfect illustration of transcending time.

The other night I went to dinner at a local sports bar with my wife and two of our children. While sitting at the table, I watched my daughters incessantly texting and checking their Facebook accounts. Then I realized my wife and I were also entranced by our IPhones. I looked around at the rest of the people in the restaurant and same exact scene; even the elderly were electronically engaged.

I then looked around the restaurant and couldn’t decide which of the 100 televisions to gaze at. SENSORY OVERLOAD. We all took about a 10 second break to order our drinks and meals, then right back to our electronics. Holy Shit, what has happened? Continue reading