RIP Paul Walker, (duh’merica rises again)

paul-walkerDuh’Merica never ceases to amaze me.  When Paul Walker died, I sadly laughed at all the people who were interviewed on television.

By all accounts, Walker seemed like a good guy.  When I say “by all accounts”, I mean whatever I’ve seen on television.  I mean for all I know Walker had a basement full of Filipino lady-boys playing naked Twister on a daily basis.  Hell, I don’t know.

Anyway.  His death, although not exactly tragic in my opinion, brought out the best in Duh’Merica.  People crying about what a great guy he was.  People crying, talking about what a great actor he was.  People crying about what a tragedy his death was.  People crying for a man they never met.

Let me repeat that last line for you: PEOPLE CRYING FOR A MAN THEY NEVER MET.

You see, this is a major problem with our country.  Continue reading

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One Shade of Brown (Trayvon and Zimmerman)

(I originally wrote this back in March of 2012.  I feel it applies quite well today in light of what transpired.)

I live in Florida, so I have a front row seat for the ridiculous media coverage of the Trayvon Martin/George Zimmerman case.  Each day I turn the television or radio on, I vomit a little more in my mouth.

At face value and from the very limited information that the media has presented, it does seem that  there is a good possibility that Martin was an innocent kid who was shot unjustly.  But then again, what does the public really know?

I have some questions and answers for all the protestors throughout the country:

Do you have the full story?  NO

Were you there? NO

Young black kids, white kids and Hispanic kids are murdered every day in America, so why don’t you care about them?  BECAUSE YOU ARE PUPPETS Continue reading

Dear Pussies

I’m tired of the whining, I’m tired of the bitching and complaining.  America has turned into a nation of big, giant, dripping wet pussies.

(I mean no disrespect to women or their vaginas with this post.  I quite like vaginas; it just so happens that the word “pussy” is used universally to describe people as wimps.  I didn’t create that.)

On Patriotism: Stop moaning every time I say I’m against war, that doesn’t mean I’m unpatriotic, it just means I have a differing opinion than those who enjoy bombing the hell out of dark-skinned people half way across the world.

Hey, they killed about 3,000 of us at the Twin Towers; I think we are more than even now.

How much longer do we need to prove our dick-size?

And don’t patronize me with your American Flag displays.  Nothing screams “Patriot” more than your old ass truck with a confederate flag waving from the tailgate.  AMERICA, FUCK YEAH.

On American Idol Contestants: Hey parents, if your kid sings like a wounded dog, please have the courage to tell them that they suck.

When you hide the truth from your kids in an effort not to hurt their feelings, you are only setting them up for embarrassment and failure.

It’s better for you, their parents, to tell them that they suck instead of encouraging them to display their ill-fated vocals in front of a panel of judges and millions of Americans on television.

“But mommy and daddy, you said I was the best singer in the county.  Why did everyone laugh at me?”  See, just tell them they suck and none of that will happen.  Continue reading

The Freedom to be Stupid

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” Albert Einstein

I am an American and I would like to know what has happened to my country?

It’s wonderful to be free, but unfortunately, freedom often protects those who are complete fucking morons.

Here are some examples:

Case in point 1: Dumb-Ass North Carolina Rednecks

“Build a great big large fence 50 or 100 miles long. Put all the lesbians in there. Fly over and drop some food. Do the same thing with the queers and the homosexuals. Have that fence electrified so they can’t get out. You know what, in a few years, they’ll die out. You know why? They can’t reproduce,” said Charles Worley, pastor at Providence Road Baptist Church in Maiden, N.C.

Why won’t any reporter covering this story just say what should be said?

I want to hear someone on live television say, “Excuse me Pastor Worley, do you realize that you are a gigantic jack-ass and you are spitting in the face of evolution with your archaic beliefs and opinions?  Stop hiding behind your Bible, fucking your sisters, do the world a favor and slit your wrists immediately.” 

But sadly, no one has the balls to say that for fear of pissing someone off.  It’s ok to piss off assholes. Continue reading

DUH’America CONCUSSED

So, more than 1800 former NFL players are suing the NFL now because they claim that the NFL hid facts about concussion dangers from them.

HOLY, FUCKING, SHIT.

Let’s take a closer look at this.  Football players who put helmets on and try to demolish every player on the other team are claiming that they didn’t realize concussions were bad for them

DANGER???:  Wow, so you mean to tell me that running full speed and crashing head first into another guy running full speed is bad for your head?????  I had no idea.

I hate to bring this up, but doesn’t this logic sound eerily familiar to the woman who sued McDonald’s because she claimed that she didn’t realize the hot coffee she ordered could burn her.

That calls for another, HOLY FUCKING, SHIT.

MALE EGO: I think what cracks me up the most about these football players is that every single one of them knew that playing football was damn dangerous.

That’s one of the main reasons men like the sport.  I played football and knew plenty of people who played and not one of them who quit football for any reason.  Men are young, dumb and full of EGO and cum.

It’s not manly to quite because you “could” get injured.  Give me a fucking break NFL players.

LAWYERS: Our litigious society needs to slow its roll, this is getting ridiculous.

Next thing you know someone is going to sue PepsiCo for becoming addicted to Mountain Dew.  HOLY SHIT, I think that’s me, I need to call 1-800-AMBULANCE CHASER and get paid.

I’m left wondering when all the ex-professional boxer lawsuits are going to hit.  I mean, who knew that being clocked in the head 300 times a night could be bad for you????  Those poor guys (sarcasm).

THE ANSWER: How about this DUH’America; take responsibility for your own actions.  If you partake in a job, in a sport, or any other activity that is dangerous, be prepared for any of the possible consequences that may occur.

Wow, that sounds almost profoundly logical and simple; exactly why it will never happen.  I put my head in my hands and wonder why people in this country are so FUCKING STUPID.

DUH’America; the majority of you are concussed and you don’t even realize it yet.  BLAH