kayne (don’t do it Zuckerberg)

(I feel like I need to re-post this in light of Kayne dropping another deuce….. I mean new album.  Hey Mark Zuckerberg, before you give this douche any money, see the below video.)

I have plenty of disdain for Kim Kardashian (Becoming Kim K) and almost as much for her husband Kayne.

Bill Hicks once said, “You do a commercial, you’re off the artistic roll call forever.  End of story.” 

Well, I’m pretty sure if Hicks was alive today and watched Kayne’s video “Bound 2” he would have included Kayne in this category without exception.  A matter of fact, if Hicks were alive to see this video, he probably would have spooned his eyeballs out of their sockets with plastic sporks.

Forget whatever you liked about Kayne before this video.  Forget everything.  He could have cured cancer the day before this video aired and it would not have mattered.  This video is 100% hot garbage.  When I first watched it, I thought it was a Saturday Night Live parody.

Then I realized that Kayne was actually trying to portray this as “artistic.”  Sorry Kayne, but the parody by Seth Rogen and Jame Franco is truly artistic.

Kayne had some talent, but then was derailed by Kim’s ass and titties and everything will go downhill from there.  Sure Kayne, you can call this video art.  And I can call it horribly shitty art.  I win.

I, Duh’Merica, am declaring you officially removed from the artistic roll call.  Nice try asshole.

 

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becoming kim k

640_kim_kardashian_instagraNothing saddens me more about American Culture than Kim Kardashian.

Her rise to fame is symptomatic of some very alarming social ills that are choking the dregs of our society to death.

  • Vanity- holy shit, no explanation needed here.  She may be the most plucked and waxed woman in the world.  Remember, most Armenian women have a lot of hair in bad places.
  • Ego/Hubris – pretty much interchangeable with her.  She has a ridiculous amount of foolish pride.
  • Misguided Confidence – similar to all those poor American Idol contestants who can’t sing for shit, but their parents have always told them how wonderful they are.  For Kim, the American public is the parent continually giving her false confidence with every social media click and watched video.
  • Horrible Role Model– I want to slit my own wrists when I hear that a female of any age aspires to be like Kim.  That is truly sad.

I get it, I get it, I do.  It’s all about economics; supply and demand.  The public demands her, so the networks are more than wiling to shove everything about her down the open throats of the feeble minded.

But you should all remember the one event that catapulted her into infamy; she fucked a rapper named Ray J, video-taped it and “leaked” it to the internet.  Oh Duh’Merica, you gave birth to this star that won’t stop shining.  Thanks for that.

And then when she was tired of filming Ray J’s black python penetrating her, she married Kayne and started breeding.  So now we are guaranteed to have little Kim/Kayne offspring wasting our precious oxygen for years to come.  I fear the cycle will never end.

I don’t hate Kim for what she has become.  I hate the people that created her and who continue to line her pockets with money.  Duh’Merica………… you win again.

 

Dear Kayne (I’m also bound)

kayneDear Kayne,

Bound- something that limits or restrains (as defined by Merriam Webster’s online dictionary)

When it comes to you, the definition of bound feels incredibly real for me.  When I watched your video, I felt:

bound by the laws of gravity when I wanted to fly as far away from this planet as possible.

bound by the concept of restraint when I wanted to heave my computer screen into the ocean so no one in my home could ever watch that video again.

bound by the limits of fear while I cringed thinking about all the little boys and girls who want to be like you and Kim

bound by the reality that you weren’t the first hip hop dude to fuck Kim on video, that must absolutely kill you

I watched your interview on Ellen and was at first mildly impressed until you went all Kayne and shit and started babbling about how great you were.  I don’t care how many Grammy’s you have.

You know who else won a Grammy?: The Baha Men, Milli Vanilli and Christopher Cross won best album over Pink Floyd’s The Wall in 1981.  Even you would have to admit that the Grammy’s are a bit flawed.

If there is any doubt about your character and inflated view of yourself, here are a couple of quotes that came from your mouth:

“I feel like I’m too busy writing history to read it.” (from www.brainyquote.com)

“I am God’s vessel.  But my greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform live.” (from www.brainyquote.com)

I’m pretty sure you just redefined the word “DOUCHE BAG”.  Kayne, you are yet another reason why China will win.

Here’s a link to Kayne’s new masterpiece: THE VIDEO FROM HELL

And here’s the hilarious parody video by James Franco and Seth Rogen: SO BRILLIANT

My New Hero (Charles P. Pierce)

“Idiot America is a strange, disordered place.  Everything is on the wrong shelves.  The truth of something is defined by how many people will attest to it, and facts are defined by those people’s fervency.  Fiction and nonfiction are defined by how well they sell.  The best sellers are one shelf, check by jowl, whether what’s contained in them is true or not.  People wander blindly, following the Gut into dark corners and aisles that lead nowhere, confusing possibilities with threats, jumping at shadows, stumbling around.  They trip over piles of fiction left strewn around the floor of the nonfiction aisles.  They fall down.  They land on other people, and those other people can get hurt.” Charles P. Pierce from the book Idiot America

 

America

I have been searching for a while and finally found my new hero.  His name is Charles P. Pierce.  His book Idiot America is an absolute must read, absolute must read.

He is brilliant, but will never be as popular as Kim Kardashian or Miley Cyrus.  That is why I fear the battle may have already been lost.

Pierce is not sexy, he is not charismatic, he does not man-scape, he does not fake tan, he is not Hollywood in an way, shape or form.

Sadly, Pierce is just an incredibly gifted writer and communicator who understands the “big picture” of our culture and rips into that culture without regard for offense.

He researches and brings the truth to light.  But sadly, most of Idiot America could care less about the truth.  Idiot America wants TMZ, American Idol and wants to suck the Kardashian tit until the milk is gone.

That’s why China has already won.

Thank you Mr. Pierce for what you do, thank you.  I only hope more people will discover you.

China- Still Winning

reese-witherspoon-cancels-fallon-appearance-after-arrestI argue with people quite often about the current health of American Society.  And when I use the term “health”, I mean the current state of the American people as an educated society.

I poke fun at my country and often say that China is winning.  So today, I went to a website visited daily by millions of Americans just to keep up with current events.

According to TMZ, this is what Americans care about today:

Story 1- Reese Witherspoon’s infamous “you are going to know who I am,” moment.  Ah Reese, so nice to see you putting into practice all that legal knowledge from your Legally Blonde movies.

Apparently, millions of Americans care about a washed-up actress who thinks she’s better than all the sheep who watch her movies.  Your husband was drunk, shut the fuck up and obey the cop.  Newsflash- Georgia cops don’t give a fuck about Hollywood.

Story 2- “Teen Mom Farrah Working Another Pole”  HOLY FUCKING SHIT.  Here is a girl who was on television for breeding too early.  When her tiny pinch of fame began to dissipate, she decided to follow in the steps of Kim Kardashian and make a fuck movie.

BRILLIANT.  Hey America, all you have to do for fame is fuck somebody, video tape it and then pretend you had no idea your bleached asshole was on the internet.

Story 3- Only 3 Words Necessary– LINDSAY…..FUCKING….LOHAN.  I didn’t get past the headline, but I assume it has to do with court, drugs, lawyer and rehab.

In the interest of time, I’m going to stop there because the next stories are essentially a regurgitation of the first ones.  Only the names are different.

So America, don’t bitch when China takes over and we are eating fried golden retriever puppy nuggets, taking rickshaws to work at a factory making cheap, plastic toys for Wal Mart.

I warned you.  China is still winning.

Dear Justin Beiber

Dear Justin,

You might want to slow your roll a bit.  It seems like you are a nice kid.  You are ridiculously successful and seem to give back to your community.  I’ve seen you on Ellen and you truly seem like you have a good heart.

But, I recently saw that you had an altercation with a paparazzi.  Now at first I didn’t think that was a big deal, but then it was revealed that you were taking boxing lessons from Mike Tyson.

HOLY, FUCKING, SHIT.  Where were your handlers when that decision was made????

You do realize that Tyson is historically one of the biggest train wrecks in American pop culture, don’t you????

He served prison time for raping a woman.  Yes, RAPE, that’s a very bad thing.  Now you are taking boxing lessons from him???

Oh, wait a second, I get it, you are trying to shed that pretty, little sterile white-boy image you have so masterfully created.  WHY, WHY, WHY??????

That image is what has all those pre-teens buying your shitty music and going to your concerts and giving you the ability to be the next Warren Buffett.

It’s painfully obvious that you are not comfortable in your pasty skin.  With one delicate sneeze, your pants will fall off because you wear them like a ghetto brother.  Continue reading

DUH’America II (The Kardashian Effect)

“Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye?” Bill Hicks

(I know this happened a while ago, but I fucking hate the Kardashians, so here it is again)

I saw that someone threw flour on Kim Kardashian at some bull-shit red carpet event recently and now she’s going to press charges.  First, before we think about this horrible (sarcasm) event let‘s think about just exactly who Kim K is.

Her dad was a lawyer, he died.  Her next dad was on a Wheaties box and if he has one more plastic surgery his mouth will surely swallow his entire head.

She’s physically attractive, has a big ass, fucked a rapper, filmed it and put it online.  SHEBANG, FAMOUS. 

Let that sink in for a minute.  That’s right, DUH’America, you are responsible for creating the Kardashians.

She fucked a rapper and videotaped it= FAMOUS

She has a nice, big ass= FAMOUS Continue reading