Jesus Went to Supercuts

photo-15So, a nice old Jehovah woman rang my doorbell today and handed me the above pamphlet.  She was not pushy at all, but rather just invited me to come get all my questions answered about Jesus. She didn’t even give me any Watchtower hand-outs, I was shocked. I thanked her and closed the door.

Of course most people find Jehovah Witnesses incredibly annoying and I generally find myself feeling that way too.  But after looking at this beautiful depiction of Jesus, I began to think about Jehovahs in a different light. Continue reading

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Dooky Jesus

I saw an image yesterday
and it was Jesus

I kid you not
I had eaten at Taco Bell again
my stomach was tangled in a billion groaning knots

I sat down
On my lush porcelain seat
With the calm water below

One King Kong push, I wiped the sweat from my brow
I looked down like I always do
And there he was,
Crown of thorns and all
Swimming peacefully underneath

I jumped to get my camera, forgetting to wipe
When I got back
He was gone,
just like that

So I flushed

He let me down again

God and the Gay Dude

A gay dude walked into a bar and God was sitting at a corner booth looking all cool and shit while stroking his white beard.  The conversation went something like this:

Gay Dude– Hey there, is that really you?  Are you God?

  God– Yes my son, behold, for it is me, the Almighty.

Gay Dude(clapping gingerly) Finally, I’ve been looking for you for like years.  I have a really, really important question for you.

  God– Anything my son, what’s on your mind?

Gay Dude– Well, I’m afraid you don’t love me.

  God– Why would you think that?  I am God, I love everyone.  I created you in my image.

Gay Dude– But I like other dudes.

  God-Well so do I, what’s wrong with that???

Gay Dude– No, I mean I realllllllllllllllly like other dudes.  I like penises.  I like to touch them, lick them and put them in my ass.

  God– Holy Shit, I get it now.  You are a fag, hmmmmm.  Yeah, I don’t really like fags that much.  You know, I’m still pissed about all that Sodom and Gomorrah shit that went down a while back.

Gay Dude– But do you love me?  I was born this way, does that mean you are gay too, since you created me in your image and all???

  God– Look buddy, I love pussy.  We had a security breach in heaven years ago and Beelzebub snuck in and started creating fags just to fuck with me.  I so didn’t create fags.  But now lesbians, I love me some lesbians.  I take full credit for them. (winking)

Gay Dude– This is bullshit.

  God– Get used to it and be thankful, at least you aren’t a black fag.

Atheism, Religion & Why We Could All Be Wrong

“I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.” Bertrand Russell

I like to sometimes write about my opinions concerning atheism and religion because they are topics that are important to me personally. I am continually intrigued with the discussion of religion and how other people feel about it.

I also become somewhat frustrated and disappointed in how much arguing seems to transpire when this topic is discussed. I very much enjoy people commenting back and forth and discussing what they believe in. I appreciate people who are passionate about their beliefs.  But I never appreciate ego and arrogance.

I understand that religion is an incredibly polarizing topic, but I am always amazed at how nearly every person feels that their specific belief is the correct one. I think it’s important for all people to understand that whatever they believe in could be wrong or could be right. Why is that so hard to grasp?

What’s the Deal?

I guess I don’t quite understand why it is so important for religious people to constantly attempt to prove the existence of God to atheists. I do understand why they want to prove God, but you should realize that atheists aren’t going to believe you. I’m an atheist because I don’t believe that it is possible that any god exists. That’s my opinion. Continue reading

Tim Tebow, God & Dumb America

Tim Tebow passed for 316 yards in an improbable victory against the Pittsburgh Steelers in the playoffs this year.

Religious America went crazy, nutso, speaking in tongues, slapping their Bibles against the pews jubilation for the professed virgin as he knelt, prayed and thanked god for his team’s victory.

Facebook pages buzzed with talk of the 3:16 victory. That’s right, 3:16, like the Bible verse. Apparently god watches football and listen to football players’ prayers. Forget all the starving children in the country, America needs touchdowns. Continue reading

WWJS (what would Jesus say)in 2012

What would jesus say if he were kicking it in his sandals down the Sunset Strip in the year 2012?  I think he would say the following:

  • Damn those Kardashians are worthless, but I would love to smack Kim’s ass.
  • Marie Osmond is still doing commercials and pimping herself?  I guess Satan isn’t going to release her soul after all.
  • I’m going to call dad and have him change Sodom & Gomorrah in the bible to Jersey Shore & American Idol
  • I can’t wait to babysit Justin Beiber and dress him in crotchless lederhosen.
  • I wish I had some of this Gold Bond Medicated powder back in the day
  • Holy Shit!!! Mountain Dew has no trans-fat, relief
  • Dad had nothing to do with creating rednecks, nothing at all
  • Hey sheep, use some common sense, my dad isn’t real and neither am I, wake up