Duh’Merica (a poem)

DUH’merica, what have you done?

While you parade the streets in gas guzzling suburbans, there are soldiers dying around the world trying to kill dark-skinned people after taking orders from fat, pasty-white politicians who only care about their offshore bank accounts.

DUH’merica, why don’t you care?

That our children have difficulty finding China on a map, but they can update their Facebook status perfectly while crossing a busy city street without getting splattered in traffic.

DUH’merica, why can’t you turn it off?

The Kardashians, TMZ, The Bachelor, American Idol, America’s Got Talent sift through the minds of our youth like a slow, neurotoxin eating them from the inside out. Continue reading

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Dear Republican Party

Dear Republican Party,

Well, another election has passed with the exact same losing result.

You have officially become that little white trash kid with the annoying rat-tail.  You cut the rat-tail off, but it grows back every four years with the same tired agenda.

Those opposable thumbs you keep staring at are a true sign of the evolution that you can’t seem to embrace.

I know, I know, evolution isn’t real and that guy with the white beard created us in his own image.

So, I guess that means your god is a fat, white, pasty dude who continues to spit in the face of women, minorities and gay people.

I know, I know, homosexuality is a sin according to the book of Leviticus.   Continue reading

The Freedom to be Stupid

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” Albert Einstein

I am an American and I would like to know what has happened to my country?

It’s wonderful to be free, but unfortunately, freedom often protects those who are complete fucking morons.

Here are some examples:

Case in point 1: Dumb-Ass North Carolina Rednecks

“Build a great big large fence 50 or 100 miles long. Put all the lesbians in there. Fly over and drop some food. Do the same thing with the queers and the homosexuals. Have that fence electrified so they can’t get out. You know what, in a few years, they’ll die out. You know why? They can’t reproduce,” said Charles Worley, pastor at Providence Road Baptist Church in Maiden, N.C.

Why won’t any reporter covering this story just say what should be said?

I want to hear someone on live television say, “Excuse me Pastor Worley, do you realize that you are a gigantic jack-ass and you are spitting in the face of evolution with your archaic beliefs and opinions?  Stop hiding behind your Bible, fucking your sisters, do the world a favor and slit your wrists immediately.” 

But sadly, no one has the balls to say that for fear of pissing someone off.  It’s ok to piss off assholes. Continue reading

Hey North Carolina,

So how does it feel to be in the spotlight because of a crazy, ass, white-trash preacher who thinks gays should be eliminated from the planet?

No worries, I get it, you have to follow your Bible that says homosexuality is an abomination and punishable by death.

I’m always impressed with people who hold a belief and remain steadfast in those beliefs.  Commitment is a wonderful, godly attribute.

But the hold the phone here, I just read a study that says North Carolina is 14th most obese state in the nation with 29.4% of its adults being considered obese.

OOOPS, it appears hypocrisy has reared its ugly head once again in the deep, deep south.

“He who keeps the law is a discerning son, but a companion of gluttons disgraces his father.” Proverbs 23:2 proclaims, “Put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony.”

Oh shit, you do realize that comes from the same Bible that condemns gay people, right? Continue reading