Plastic Parade (a poem)

duck-face-mom-yearA-typical Rolex submariner sits on the dad’s wrist like a beacon of arrival,
his too-tight Ed Hardy tee sticks to his cross fit chest like an extra layer of skin.
those hours in the gym, the broccoli, the grilled chicken, the spinach salads……
Eyes scanning the crowd looking for that 25 year-old who hasn’t yet sunk the botox into her forehead

Wifey to his left, flipping her platinum dyed hair again and again and again
She, looking for someone to make fun of, looking for someone to help her feel better about her collagen duck-faced lips,

her third tit job, her fourth anal bleaching, her fifth affair with a new trainer,Tattoo reads “MILF” along the panty line that only a select 50 or so willing erections get to see.

She, peering at the younger women while licking her lips with the misguided confidence of an American Idol contestant

Continue reading


Mandatory Sterilization (Yep, I said it)

I am a proponent of mandatory sterilization and here is why: (my true feelings mixed with some humor)

I believe that some people should not be allowed to breed.  For example, a while ago a mother left her two infant children alone in a bath tub while she was outside on her patio surfing the web.

Solution easy– tie her tubes, she shouldn’t be allowed to have any more children and take the one surviving child away from her.

Any time a mother or father does something this stupid, they should lose their breeding privileges and they should be sterilized.  Why should they be allowed the potential to harm any more children?  Makes no sense to me.

I mean when someone gets a few DUI’s or speeding tickets, the government takes your license away.  Why not sterilize then?  If a parent makes 2 idiotic life threatening mistakes in respect to their children, bring out the scalpel.

“But I didn’t think little Skeeter would get hurt if I locked him inside the house with my 3 pit bulls while I was out buying lotto tickets and getting another case of Natural Lite Ice, he is 3 years old now.”

Sorry dip-shit, put your feet in the stirrups, it’s time to get neutered.

I know what you are thinking…….“but surely there will be opposition from the people you are wanting to sterilize.”

Of course there will be opposition, but that’s an easy fix.  All you have to do is offer them cases of Mountain Dew, Benson & Hedges cigs, barrels of ranch dressing, gift certificates to Dollar General, or free tanning coupons.  That should do the trick.

“I didn’t know that if I left Betty Lou locked in the car while I ran into Cato looking for stirrup pants that she could get injured.  I mean I even turned the car off and rolled up the windows so as to make sure the engine didn’t make her hot.  It was only 95 degrees out.  I really needed them stirrup pants anyhow, I had to try on 4 pairs, I was only gone 45 minutes.”

Sorry miss, put your feet in the stirrups, it’s time to harvest your uterus.

Seriously, there are plenty of people who shouldn’t be allowed to breed.  Sterilization seems like a great idea to me.  Any thoughts??

Please Don’t Pray for Me

“As long as algebra is taught in school, there will be prayer in school.” Cokie Roberts


Being an atheist can sometimes have its difficulties and I’m not always sure how to handle them.   One thing that especially bothers me is when religious people say they are praying for me.

I’m guessing most atheists feel the same way about this.  When I was younger, it used to make me angry, now I am able to find the humor in it and laugh.

I have never been able to understand the logic of praying.  As a matter of my opinion, I think praying is absolutely ridiculous and escapes all forms of logic.

When I hear people in good situations or in bad situations talk about how they are praying that God will “show them the way,” I can’t help but snicker a bit.  It seems silly to me.

The notion of closing your eyes and praying to a supernatural being in the sky just seems off-the-charts loony to me.  I just don’t get it.  Go ahead, insert all your comments about “faith” here, I’ve heard many of them plenty of times.

“The way to see by faith is to shut the eye of reason.” Benjamin Franklin Continue reading

My Road to Atheism

Being an atheist truly sucks sometimes.  Religion has been something I’ve struggled with my entire life.

I remember hating it when my mother dragged me to church when I was a child.  I remember hating going to confirmation classes when I was child and I remember being so young that I didn’t understand what the hell I was doing there and why I was doing it.

Try being an atheist and inserting yourself in a religious discussion at your workplace, in public or with family members.  It’s not fun.

People look at me like I’m crazy, like I’m insane, like they can’t believe that I don’t believe in God.

The South

My mother was born and raised in southern Georgia.  Her father was a Baptist minister in their small town.  He was also the town postman.  He also barely had a high school education.  He also beat my grandmother, cheated on her with a woman on his mail route who he fathered a child with, my half-aunt.  He also taught me the word “nigger”Continue reading

The Happy, Feel-Good Post

Throughout my blogging life, I have been accused on multiple occasions of being negative and hateful.  I prefer to think of myself as “realistic” and many of the realities I write about are negative.

Sure, I choose to focus on things that aren’t always pleasant, but that’s real fucking life to me.  I think a major problem plaguing our society is people’s inability to see what is actually real.

I think too many people turn their cheeks on the uncomfortable aspects of life in order to pursue an unrealistic Lifetime Movie life.

Anyway, I digress.

Here are some things make me happy: