Siesta Key spoiled rich kids (MTV)

New MTV reality show Siesta Key will definitely suck

BRADENTUCKY MAN

Siesta-Key-Cast-Photo-resizedGive me a fucking break.  This MTV Siesta Key reality show is going to be bull-shit.  Of course MTV wants to film a bunch of spoiled, rich kids dicking around on a beautiful beach.

This is just pure MTV laziness.  They followed around a bunch of rich kids partying on Siesta Key during the summer.  Wow, fucking genius idea MTV (sarcasm).

Check out the picture of the “cast.”  Just your normal group of young people with extra abs and zero body fat.  Oh, thanks MTV for throwing in a token “almost” black guy.

I can see the drama now:

  • “OMG, I need help putting on my bronzer on.  Don’t they have lotion boys on this beach???”
  •  “Bro, what do you mean I can’t do shots on the beach?  Don’t you know my dad is rich?”
  • “I’m so tired of sweating out here.  Can you tell your dad to buy a…

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Bradentucky Man & Putin

Bradentucky Man and Putin, a real man’s opinion

BRADENTUCKY MAN

putin-629959Bradentucky Man is a proud American.  No one can say I don’t love my country.  I love America almost as much as I love Bradentucky.

So I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I think Putin is playing the Trump family like a fine Russian fiddle.

I can’t believe what I’ve been reading about Don Jr. and his dumfuckery with that meeting.

I guess I understand it a little.  I mean you dangle some fine, Russian hotty in front of him and he bit hard.  But damn, you put it in emails??????trumpjr

Come on man.  Even Bradentucky Man knows you don’t put anything in email that you don’t want people to see.

Shit, that’s why I only use Snapchat.  You take a picture and they disappear forever.  You would be amazed at how many cock-shots I’ve sent with that app.  Can I get a “HELL YEAH?”

But seriously. …

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Smokin’ Sea Cows (the other white meat)

Ever eaten a Manatee??? Bradentucky Man has.

BRADENTUCKY MAN

Snooty, aquarium 2004My daddy always said, “Hey boy, anything tastes good if you smoke it long enough.”  Damn, my daddy was smart.

Like most red-blooded Americans, I love me some barbecue.  Ribs, chicken, pulled pork………… delicious.

But I ain’t the average guy.  I’m BradentuckyMan and I’m resourceful.  I been fishin’ the waters around Bradentucky since before I could walk.  I always notice the Manatees are everywhere.

If you don’t know what a Manatee is, google “sea cow.”
They kind a look like some type a weird dinosaur.  They eat a lot of vegetation and fart a lot.

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seriously Don Jr. seriously????

lawyer(Disclaimer: I hate all politicians.  Please don’t mistake my criticism of our current royal family as an endorsement for Hillary or Obama.)

Wow, what a fucking dumb ass.  Don Trump Jr. actually fell for the oldest spy trick in the book.

So you mean to tell me that all Russia had to do was dangle some good-looking foreign pussy in front of Don Jr.???  And he took the bait, just like a teen-age boy desperate to see some titty.

Holy fuck, our country is doomed.  Haven’t any of the Trumps ever watched the Americans?  This same scenario happens in almost every fucking episode.  Men are so fucking stupid, so fucking easy to fool.  Well done Don Jr.

“Hey Don Jr., I have bad, bad info on Hilary for you or father.  Can come to your office and talk about it, no?”  said any Russian with tits.

Don Jr. is the guy most real men want to punch in the face.  Just watch his Fox News interview regarding his idiocy.  He’s so fucking smug.  He is privilege gone out of control.

But it really doesn’t matter.  Nothing will happen to him, nothing will happen to his father.  Because they are rich and they are almighty and that’s how Duh’Merica works.

We created this.  We deserve this.  We are Duh’Merica.

Almost forgot….. I hope that Russian adoption thing works out.

 

 

Dog the Bounty Hunter in Bradentucky

Sweet Mullet and Boob sandwich

BRADENTUCKY MAN

dogHOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT…………………. this is going to be huge. Dog the Bounty Hunter is again coming to Bradentucky.

Dog and his oddly gigantic breasted wife Beth will be speaking at the Source church in east Bradenton.

Can I get a big “HELL YEAH” from the congregation?????  These two are the perfect couple to bring their road preachin’ to Bradentucky.

I mean shit, they look like they could be lifelong Oneco residents.  Dog’s mullet, his wife-beater shirts and all that damn leather, perfect.  And Beth can seriously rock those dream catcher earrings.

They would fit in like redneck camouflage on Coquina Beach.  Don’t even try to tell me you can’t see Dog rockin’ a cut-off jean short bathing suit. 

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life quotes from Bradentucky Man

Life quotes from a true man

BRADENTUCKY MAN

arkYou’ve probably seen some of these on social media or in many of the several reputable media outlets.

Bradentucky Man prides himself on his self-proclaimed “brilliant” insights about life.

But in case you missed them,  here are some of Bradentucky Man’s best quotes:

On politicians: “You can spray a pile of shit with Fabreeze, but it’s still a pile of shit. When you get close to it, you are still going to want to puke.”

On religion: “Ain’t no way in hell that Noah built a damn ark without gettin’ ate up by a tiger or bitten by a damn cobra.  Come on people.  Stop praying and get a job.”

On immigration: “Let em’ all in, I got my guns bitches.  Bring it on.”

On racism: “Look, stop all the bull shit.  There is white-trash, black-trash, mexican-trash and asian-trash.  Trash don’t care about color.”

On life: “Eat. sleep, get drunk…

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Who is Bradentucky Man??

Please check out my friend’s site. It’s a new blog about a city in Florida called Bradenton or “Bradentucky.” It’s the tits.

BRADENTUCKY MAN

mainstreetWhere is he from? – Bradenton, FL (the greatest city on the fuckin’ planet.)

What does he like? – getting drunk, bikini girls, fishing, getting drunk, cussing at the police and getting drunk.

What are his views on politics? – “I’m tired of all the damn illegals taking our jobs.  Fuck Hilary and Obama, bunch a pussies.  Trump baby, that’s where it’s at,” Bradentucky Man.

What does he do for a job?“A little of this, a little of that, don’t fuckin worry about it,” Bradentucky Man.

What are his favorite restaurants? – Basil’s for chicken.  Demetrios for pizza and O’Bricks for fine dining.

What does he think about tourists/snow-birds? – Spend your money, stay off my bar-stool and mind your damn business.

What are his ultimate life goals? – Just make it to the next happy hour…….. and make Bradentucky Great Again.  Wooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!

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