French Class (I will be taking Spanish next year)

First Day of Class

When I was a freshman in high school my French teacher told me that she had heard from someone that I could be smart if only I tried harder. At first I was not too sure how to absorb that statement. Sure it was somewhat of a cruel thing to say to a high school freshman, but maybe she had a good reason for delivering this statement to me in front of my entire class.

She didn’t even bother to tell me this with the professionalism I expected from an overweight, boring French teacher. She delivered the line with a smugness that could only be replicated by true, obnoxious euro-trash. (Stereotyping people of all nationalities was a popular thing for me at that time in my life.)

I would have preferred maybe some informal meeting before or after class, but she decided to exhibit her power and embarrass me in front of the class. I now was left wondering who this mysterious “someone” was who had informed my French teacher of my intellectual potential only two weeks into the semester. Continue reading


Dear Prospective Employer (The Best Cover Letter Ever)

(I was bored one day, wrote this and emailed to several businesses.  Oddly enough, no responses)

To:  Whoever Needs A Break From Monotony

This may very well be the first cover letter you have ever read that will not be full of self gratuitous stories telling you why you should hire me.  Instead, I will present you with an unequivocally honesty depiction of who I am as a person and some of my experiences in the workforce that have shaped my personality.

My early work experience began in the world of retail clothing when I was a college student.  For nearly five years I crept from a stock boy to the relatively important position of assistant store manager.  Throughout that time I learned the following:

  • Most people generally suck and are devoid of all rational thought, especially when placed in a mall
  • White women with babies in strollers will steal clothing more than minority races will
  • Some customers will ask for a “refundment” or “exchangement” and be totally serious
  • Dressing rooms can sometimes be viewed as a restroom by angry customers

My more recent work experience for the last 7 years has been in the field of worker’s compensation while working for various payroll companies.  During this time I have learned the following: Continue reading

Kreativ Blogger Award

A special thanks to Onlyspartanwomen for nominating me via Disfuctional Unit, I truly appreciate it and especially like how you described me:

TheSandyTongue-This blog is not for everyone.  It’s pretty raunchy.  He uses a lot of profanity.  He is not politically correct.  He’s an atheist (I think).  Every once in a while he feels compelled to do a product endorsement for some toiletry he puts on his crotch.  So who, do you ask, is the Sandy Tongue for? 

Mainly anyone who’s a sucker for people who are unapologetically compelled to speak their truth, not for shock value, but because they are sincerely expressing their uncensored opinion with the expectation that there are at least a few grown ups in the world who understand you don’t have to separate your friends and enemies along the lines of those who always share your viewpoint and those who don’t. 

I definitely do not always agree with the opinion spoken by the The Sandy Tongue (although often I do), but I appreciate the different points of view he brings to the table.  Most of the time he’s pretty funny.  Sometimes he’s downright hysterical.

Seven things that people may not know about me: Continue reading

My Old College Doesn’t Like Gay People

50+ Professors & Staff Resign From Christian University After Refusing to Sign Homosexuality Pledge

This truly makes me sad.  The college I graduated from in Rome, GA is in the news for some very backwards beliefs.

Yes, it’s a private college, I guess they call it university these days, but come on Shorter University wake up and smell the year, it’s 2012.

I graduated in 1999 and I remember back then several of the professors complained about having to sign a similar form like the one mentioned in the article above.  Many good professors left because they had to sign a piece of paper that said they would never drink alcohol.

Funny personal note; I took a final exam with my class and professor at the local Applebees bar one semester.  Yep, he left after that year to teach at another college where he was allowed to have a beer or drink wine at dinner.

By the way, I only went there because I received a full baseball scholarship and wanted a degree.  I didn’t give a shit that it was a Baptist school.

On a related note of hypocrisy, the music and theater department at Shorter was one of the most well known in the country.

But yeah, probably no way that music/theater students or their professors were gay.  No chance at all.

If you read the article, many of the comments below it are downright deplorable.

Fortunately for me, I’ve never donated a dime back to my college because it was generally run by bigots and obese, Southern Baptists.  What a sad institution to teach and encourage hate.