General Tso, who are you???

Wikepedia describes you as a general who lived in Xiangyin during the 1800’s, yet the dish named after you was never eaten there, nor anywhere else near your city. What gives General? Who are you General? The world wants to know. The “chef’s special” wants to know. The mall food court wants to know who you are.

I would be pissed if I were you, General. Did you not realize that your legacy has been immortalized into bits of deep, fried unidentifiable meat products? Some say chicken. Some say beef. Some say cat or dog. How does that feel General? Being named after odd meats dipped in mono-sodium glutamate filled batter isn’t exactly a royal homecoming. No awards for you General.

What horrible things were you responsible for General? Were you the village idiot? Did you cruise your village playgrounds wearing a creepy overcoat, exposing yourself to all the little generals playing cops and robbers? Or were you the victim of ill timed nepotism? Continue reading

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Brilliance in Journalism

I was working in Miami the other day and while getting dressed in my hotel, I turned on the Today Show.

I know, I should have spanked myself heartily and immediately gone to the library, but I truly wanted to see a train wreck and some blood and guts.

Thankfully, the Today Show delivered with its normal lack of journalistic integrity.  The lead stories were about a 39 pound cat and Rosie O’Donnell.

Notice, I didn’t say that Rosie tried to eat the cat, (how punnirific, and yes I just coined that word) just that they were both lead stories.

So the obese cat segment was truly riveting.  Today Show anchor Ann Curry, asked the woman holding the cat a very pointed question: I’m paraphrasing here, “So how in the world does a cat get that big.”

Wow, heads up Pulitzer Prize committee, I think we have a finalist.  The woman answered that the cat was fed too much and fed unhealthy food.

Hey America, don’t be shocked when China and their Rickshaw Express takes over.  While Americans are morbidly fascinated with an obese cat, the Chinese would deep-fry the same cat and feed half their population.

HOLY, FUCKING, SHIT.

Sadly, I pictured the cat as an accurate symbol of the average American and Ann Curry as just another grossly overpaid media figure who placates her bosses so that she can drive multiple Mercedes.

That’s all for now.