Plastic Parade (a poem)

duck-face-mom-yearA-typical Rolex submariner sits on the dad’s wrist like a beacon of arrival,
his too-tight Ed Hardy tee sticks to his cross fit chest like an extra layer of skin.
those hours in the gym, the broccoli, the grilled chicken, the spinach salads……
Eyes scanning the crowd looking for that 25 year-old who hasn’t yet sunk the botox into her forehead

Wifey to his left, flipping her platinum dyed hair again and again and again
She, looking for someone to make fun of, looking for someone to help her feel better about her collagen duck-faced lips,

her third tit job, her fourth anal bleaching, her fifth affair with a new trainer,Tattoo reads “MILF” along the panty line that only a select 50 or so willing erections get to see.

She, peering at the younger women while licking her lips with the misguided confidence of an American Idol contestant

Continue reading

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Butt Implants & Instagram

lilwaynenickiminajThe other day my 13 year-old daughter was showing me pictures on her Instagram of a girl who posted several before and after pictures of her new butt implants.

She is 14 years old.  Let me repeat that…………… a 14 year-old with butt implants.  Supposedly.

Now, at face value, I didn’t and don’t believe it.

Having three daughters, I can’t even fathom the thought of a parent giving permission for a 14 year-old to have any kind of cosmetic surgery.  I did a quick search online and I don’t even think it’s legal to have it done at that age.  I didn’t care to spend too much time researching, because I really don’t care.

But all that is beside the point.

A girl this age posting pictures of her fake butt implants on Instagram is such a sad commentary on today’s society.  Social media provides an avenue for people to satiate their constant need for attention, and that is not a good thing. Continue reading

god’s mysterious ways(the devil wins again)

God-Must-Love-Stupid-People_6160-l

I’ve grown so tired of hearing the expression “god works in mysterious ways.” (I never capitalize god, just doesn’t feel right)

Hey god, your mysterious ways confuse me:

….kids dying from cancer

….the kardashians, jean shorts, ebonics

….kids starving throughout the entire world

….tyler perry, duck dynasty, rhianna, mtv

….children being sexually abused, women being raped, female circumcision

….the bible, rednecks, confederate flags, prayers

Holy Shit god- Looks like the DEVIL is kicking your ass and the score is about a trillion to zero.

(I have no problem with people believing in god, but if you are going to believe in god, at least believe that he is indeed a cruel fucking god)

 

My Grandfather & My “Party Suicide”

(I’m reposting this because I recently went to a family party and was thinking about him.  It was one of the first parties after he died)

I went to visit my 88 year-old grandfather today.  He has Alzheimer’s, lacerated ulcers and gastric lymphoma.  He’s dying quickly now.  He took a turn for the worse the other day and it’s probably just a matter of days now.

He never had any health problems until the Alzheimer’s got him last year.

A Brief History: He was a great man.  He graduated high school when he was 16 and later graduated from college and attained a master’s degree.

He was a farmer, a lobster fisherman and was vice president of a large chemical company before retiring.

His first wife was an alcoholic and treated him, my father and my aunt like pieces of shit.  She’s dead now and I never cared.  No one shed a tear for her.

He had a second wife and she was an evil bitch.  She nearly killed him and stole everything he cared about when they divorced.

After fucking my grandfather over, she had a stroke, was paralyzed for a time and then died.  Fuck her too, I never shed a tear.

He was a great husband, father, grandfather and never hurt a soul.  He was a gentle man.

I speak of him in the past tense because he is no longer here.  His body is on earth, but his mind is gone.

His Room: I walked in to his room and there he was, under his covers with his mouth agape like he was catching flies.  His skin has become almost translucent now and he’s starting to resemble a skeleton.  Continue reading

Pit Bull Attacks a 3 year-old in Florida

In a couple earlier posts, I commented pointedly about dumb-ass pit bull owners and ruffled a few feathers:

Pit Bulls, White Trash & Ghetto Fabulous A-holes

and another one:

Mad, Dumb-Ass Pit Bull Defender (Hilarious)

A recent story near my home town, just proves my theories about dumb-ass pit bull owners who have no business owning any kind of dog, especially a potentially dangerous breed.

A 3 year-old is at a hospital in serious condition after being bitten by a pit bull mix.  According to the dog’s owner, the little girl fell on the dog’s back and that’s why the pit bull mix bit her.

What an idiot, a 3 year-old should know better than to accidentally fall on a dog, silly little fucker. (sarcasm)

You know, I once fell on a Golden Retriever and guess what????  He licked me in the face.

Check this out, this video will make all decent dog owners cringe and shit their pants at the same time: OWNER SAYS PIT BULL ATTACK WAS AN ACCIDENT

Please tell me you clicked the video link and listened to the ghetto fabulous assholes talking about the attack.  Well done America, China just won again.

Again, for all you people who love pit bulls, I’ve never said all pit bulls are bad, they just all have the potential to be bad.  Especially when dumb-asses are allowed to own them.

After reading this story and watching the video, go ahead and tell me that the owner of the pit bull mix should be allowed to have any pets.  Go ahead pit bull defenders, if this was a Jack Russell Terrier, I’m thinking the girl wouldn’t be in the hospital.

BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, keep on arguing.

Hey Ryan O’Neal….(not for those with sympathetic hearts)

(This is a fairly violent, angry and mean post, but I’m tired of Hollywood and I’m tired of how millions of people eat this shit up.  China is pulling ahead even further.  I wish someone would just tell the truth about life once in a while and not produce shit that panders to target markets.)

“America is the most grandiose experiment the world has seen, but, I am afraid, it is not going to be a success.” Sigmund Freud

Hey Ryan, why in the hell are you doing the celebrity book/media/publicity tour?  You do realize that nobody gives a shit about you, don’t you?

Stupid, stupid me.  I always forget that the Hollywood Ego is the strongest power ever to grace the universe.

Obviously your Ego is so fucking huge that you think it’s alright to do interviews to talk about your dead wife, your fucked up family and your declining prostate.

By the way, when men get old their prostates generally have issues.  As a matter of fact, millions of men in the world have prostate issues, but you don’t see them clamoring for the spotlight to talk about it.

Excuse me, why again were you ever famous????  Oh, that’s right, you shacked up with Farrah Fawcett and her most notable role was as a “private detective” on Charlie’s Angels.

What’s that you say?  No, Ryan, nobody remembers, nor cares that you were in Peyton Place or Barry Lyndon.   Unless you are a Kardashian and bleach your asshole, no one really gives a shit about you.  Continue reading

Michael Jackson Touched Little Boys

WARNING: This is an opinion piece. That means that what you will read below is just MY OPINION.  I think Michael Jackson is still relevant because many of today’s entertainers continue to glorify him in their dress, their performance and overall style.

  WOULD YOU LET YOUR CHILD SPEND THE NIGHT WITH MICHAEL JACKSON?
I once created a forum on another blogging site discussing my opinion that I believed Michael Jackson was a child molester.

In the forum, several people argued with me about my opinion. So, I posed this question to one of the dissenters; Would you let your child spend the night with Michael Jackson?

One person replied like this: “Sleeping with kids and touching kids are two different things. Opinion or not. And yes, I would let my child sleep in bed with Michael Jackson, and if my kid said he touched him or tried to touch him I would not let it happen again.”

I was honestly dumfounded when I read that statement. Sorry, but that’s bad parenting 101.

Well done dad of the year, your child will be fine as long as you only let him/her get molested once and then you stop it. Quite the hero. I truly hope that the answer above was just that person trying to argue his point and I hope he doesn’t really feel that way. Continue reading