As Queer as a Football Bat (American Sports)

I was an athlete for many years and I enjoy the entertainment value of sports.  But, something has always intrigued me about the overt homosexual elements presented within athletics.

In America, sports are more highly regarded than almost every other element of society.  Most of our children grow up wanting to be a professional athlete and most parents are more than willing to help them attempt to make that dream come true.

For the exception of the WNBA, homosexuality and American athletics does not mix.  I was an athlete for years and I can tell you firsthand that being gay in locker room is about as comfortable as eating a cactus sandwich.

Why then is America alright with their superstar, male athletes doing the following things:
1.    Smacking another teammate on the ass after he makes a good play.  (When is this ever considered not-gay?)
2.    A quarterback placing his hands under the center’s anus as he awaits the hiking of the “ball.” (Let’s see here; guys hand touching another guys taint and ball sack, WOW) Continue reading

Advertisements

Random Product Endorsement- GLIDE

I’ve always dreamed of a cool company wanting me to endorse their product.  Well, I don’t think that’s going to happen anytime soon, so I will endorse one for them.

I live in Florida, it’s hot all the time, I have Scotch-Irish skin and I chafe.  That’s right, I’m not afraid to admit it.  Hello, my name is Duh’Merica and my inner thighs around my ball-sac chafes.

So, after years of keeping Gold Bond in business, a good friend of mine introduced me to Body Glide. (By the way, their website fucking rocks)

It was like Moses parting the Red Sea, like unicorns fucking in the summer sky, like a mountain of free Philly cheese-steaks, etc.

Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that product is incredible.  It’s essentially a deodorant stick and so easy to “glide” on.

Every morning I take a shower, dry off and then glide my ball sac and the areas around it.

I can do my 45 minute cardio without any chafing.  I can go to the beach and no unwanted “sandy” rashes.  I can have hot, sweaty sex with my wife without the fear of having to reach down between my legs to itch and remove my balls from the side of my legs.

I still use Gold Bond, but only as a complimentary powder for those extra sweaty days.

So, hey people who work for Body Glide, call me sometime and send me a free case.

There are tons of men in the world who go through life not realizing that their chafing problems could be so easily cured.