Duh’Merica (a poem)

DUH’merica, what have you done?

While you parade the streets in gas guzzling suburbans, there are soldiers dying around the world trying to kill dark-skinned people after taking orders from fat, pasty-white politicians who only care about their offshore bank accounts.

DUH’merica, why don’t you care?

That our children have difficulty finding China on a map, but they can update their Facebook status perfectly while crossing a busy city street without getting splattered in traffic.

DUH’merica, why can’t you turn it off?

The Kardashians, TMZ, The Bachelor, American Idol, America’s Got Talent sift through the minds of our youth like a slow, neurotoxin eating them from the inside out. Continue reading


our president (an easy critique)

(disclaimer: I believe all politicians are shit)

trumpmelbourneI sat through the horrible dung-parade election.  I watched as millions of people in our country decided to let hate rule their lives and their voting reflected that hatred.

The level of idiocy in Duh’Merica is staggering.


President Donald J. Trump in a nutshell:

  • He behaves like a terrible ex-husband or ex-wife; when confronted by anyone about anything, he yells at them and tells them they are losers.  If you present him with valid facts that prove he’s dishonest and making shit up, it’s “fake news” and you are an “idiot.”

  • Negotiator in Chief?????? A true negotiator is not someone who does whatever they can to win at all costs.  A true negotiator doesn’t use his/her money and power to get their way.  That’s what a bully does.
  •  Pep Rally President– When everything appears to be spiraling into the toilet, he pretends that he’s on the campaign trail again.  He flew in to Melbourne, FL and talked about how great he is.  How he’s going to make “America Great Again,” to the thunderous applause from a large gaggle of uninformed, delusional right-wing zealots.
  • His Debt– Wouldn’t it be interesting to actually know exactly who our President and his businesses owe money to?  My guess is that it would probably explain his position on Russia and the countries he left off of the travel ban list.

While I’m not a fatalist, our country is in a very bad place right now.  Too many people have let their ignorance and hatred rule their decisions.

Our President is an absolute, fucking joke.  This is what I know to be real.



Dear Chris Christie (letter from a Duh’Merican)


(Thought I would re-post this given the current debacle he’s in.  I actually heard him say that he found out about everything after he finished “working out.”  Yeah right.)

Are you really going to be running for President in 2016?  Are you really going to be the face of the Republican Party?

Well, I guess you are a fairly accurate representation of the American people.  After all, I think it’s being reported that around 36% of all American adults aged 20 and over are considered obese.

Even after your lap-band surgery, you still appear to be almost morbidly obese.  But there is plenty of time for you to “de-supersize” yourself before you make a bid for the presidency.

I’m not sure what it says about a person who has to have a band surgically implanted around their stomach to curb their voracious appetite.  This apparent lack of self control makes me a bit worried about how you may behave yourself if elected President.

Forget about religion and gay marriage, let’s talk about GMO’s and large sodas.  Yippeeee.

Could you imagine the power you would have?  You could have sexy hookers feed you chicken wings while they dancing naked around your own personal “oral”, I mean oval office. Continue reading

Duck Shit Out of Control

DUCK-DYNASTY-FLAGThis duck shit has gotten way out of control.  This was confirmed for me when I scrolled across the “breaking” news headlines on a major news website where Duck Dynasty was second only behind the Russian bombing.

What the hell Duh’Merica?
Then I looked on my personal Facebook page and a friend of mine wrote in regards to the bearded duck redneck, “Although I do not agree with what he said, I believe in his freedom to say it without censure.  It is, after all, what our troops are fighting for.”

I was satisfied with the first part of that quote, but the second part is absolute propaganda bull shit.

I guess people really believe that our troops are still fighting for our freedom.  Freedom from what?  We are already free, have been for quite a while now.

It still amazes me that so many Duh’Mericans still believe that we are freedom fighting in the middle east. Continue reading

A Redneck Conversation

(I’m reposting this because rednecks crack me up)

Billy Bob: Hey Skeeter

Skeeter:  Whut??

Billy Bob: We gonna get some fried wolf knuckles for lunch?

Skeeter: Nah, how bouts some fried mayonnaise balls, dipped in some Ranch

Billy Bob:  Hells yeah

Skeeter: Fried mayo balls reminds me of that time I gave my love muscle to that girl with the fine turd cutter.

Billy Bob: You mean that chick down by the lake last summer??

Skeeter: No dumbass, that girl we met at the swap meet down by the dollar store, ‘member I traded her my Dale Jr. jacket for some shotgun shells??

Billy Bob: Oh yeah, I think so

Skeeter: Then we went out back behind the port-o-let and I fucked her mouth real hard.  ‘Member, you were taking pictures and tossing the mayo balls into my mouth while I partied all on her gums?

Billy Bob:  Oh shit!  I ‘member that, you were rocking her teeth like ACDC.  Wasn’t her name Claire?

Skeeter: Yep, Claire.  She had the softest cock gums and her ass was fine like a Dusty Rhodes elbow.

Billy Bob:  But isn’t Claire your sister??

Skeeter:  Shut the fuck up.

My New Hero (Charles P. Pierce)

“Idiot America is a strange, disordered place.  Everything is on the wrong shelves.  The truth of something is defined by how many people will attest to it, and facts are defined by those people’s fervency.  Fiction and nonfiction are defined by how well they sell.  The best sellers are one shelf, check by jowl, whether what’s contained in them is true or not.  People wander blindly, following the Gut into dark corners and aisles that lead nowhere, confusing possibilities with threats, jumping at shadows, stumbling around.  They trip over piles of fiction left strewn around the floor of the nonfiction aisles.  They fall down.  They land on other people, and those other people can get hurt.” Charles P. Pierce from the book Idiot America



I have been searching for a while and finally found my new hero.  His name is Charles P. Pierce.  His book Idiot America is an absolute must read, absolute must read.

He is brilliant, but will never be as popular as Kim Kardashian or Miley Cyrus.  That is why I fear the battle may have already been lost.

Pierce is not sexy, he is not charismatic, he does not man-scape, he does not fake tan, he is not Hollywood in an way, shape or form.

Sadly, Pierce is just an incredibly gifted writer and communicator who understands the “big picture” of our culture and rips into that culture without regard for offense.

He researches and brings the truth to light.  But sadly, most of Idiot America could care less about the truth.  Idiot America wants TMZ, American Idol and wants to suck the Kardashian tit until the milk is gone.

That’s why China has already won.

Thank you Mr. Pierce for what you do, thank you.  I only hope more people will discover you.

Political Limericks


There once was a man named Obama
His daddy was black not his mamma
He won the election
Cuz of his off-white complexion
Now all of the whities are in trauma

There once was a man named Rush Limbaugh
He turned into a pill eating dildo
But his maid did tell
When her check didn’t swell
And off to rehab did he go

“The Reverend”
There once was a reverend named Jackson
Who walked the fine lines of attraction
His dick it did stray
To another woman they say
Now his wife gets the last satisfaction