My New Hero (Charles P. Pierce)

“Idiot America is a strange, disordered place.  Everything is on the wrong shelves.  The truth of something is defined by how many people will attest to it, and facts are defined by those people’s fervency.  Fiction and nonfiction are defined by how well they sell.  The best sellers are one shelf, check by jowl, whether what’s contained in them is true or not.  People wander blindly, following the Gut into dark corners and aisles that lead nowhere, confusing possibilities with threats, jumping at shadows, stumbling around.  They trip over piles of fiction left strewn around the floor of the nonfiction aisles.  They fall down.  They land on other people, and those other people can get hurt.” Charles P. Pierce from the book Idiot America

 

America

I have been searching for a while and finally found my new hero.  His name is Charles P. Pierce.  His book Idiot America is an absolute must read, absolute must read.

He is brilliant, but will never be as popular as Kim Kardashian or Miley Cyrus.  That is why I fear the battle may have already been lost.

Pierce is not sexy, he is not charismatic, he does not man-scape, he does not fake tan, he is not Hollywood in an way, shape or form.

Sadly, Pierce is just an incredibly gifted writer and communicator who understands the “big picture” of our culture and rips into that culture without regard for offense.

He researches and brings the truth to light.  But sadly, most of Idiot America could care less about the truth.  Idiot America wants TMZ, American Idol and wants to suck the Kardashian tit until the milk is gone.

That’s why China has already won.

Thank you Mr. Pierce for what you do, thank you.  I only hope more people will discover you.

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Dear Pussies

I’m tired of the whining, I’m tired of the bitching and complaining.  America has turned into a nation of big, giant, dripping wet pussies.

(I mean no disrespect to women or their vaginas with this post.  I quite like vaginas; it just so happens that the word “pussy” is used universally to describe people as wimps.  I didn’t create that.)

On Patriotism: Stop moaning every time I say I’m against war, that doesn’t mean I’m unpatriotic, it just means I have a differing opinion than those who enjoy bombing the hell out of dark-skinned people half way across the world.

Hey, they killed about 3,000 of us at the Twin Towers; I think we are more than even now.

How much longer do we need to prove our dick-size?

And don’t patronize me with your American Flag displays.  Nothing screams “Patriot” more than your old ass truck with a confederate flag waving from the tailgate.  AMERICA, FUCK YEAH.

On American Idol Contestants: Hey parents, if your kid sings like a wounded dog, please have the courage to tell them that they suck.

When you hide the truth from your kids in an effort not to hurt their feelings, you are only setting them up for embarrassment and failure.

It’s better for you, their parents, to tell them that they suck instead of encouraging them to display their ill-fated vocals in front of a panel of judges and millions of Americans on television.

“But mommy and daddy, you said I was the best singer in the county.  Why did everyone laugh at me?”  See, just tell them they suck and none of that will happen.  Continue reading

The Plague of Misguided Confidence

“With realization of one’s own potential and self-confidence in one’s ability, one can build a better world.”
Dalai Lama (Head of the Dge-lugs-pa order of Tibetan Buddhists, 1989 Nobel Peace Prize, b.1935)

There is a troubling plague that has been running rampant throughout America for years now and it’s truly driving me insane.

Ebola?  Smallpox? Aids? Avian Flu? Swine Flu?   Nope, the plague is called; MISGUIDED CONFIDENCE.

Since you asked, the Plague of Misguided Confidence is really very simple to explain.  It’s a plague that was started and continues to be perpetuated by PARENTS.

It happens when parents are too scared to tell their children when they suck at something.

For example, all those kids on the first couple episodes of American Idol who can’t sing, but think they can= MISGUIDED CONFIDENCE.

For example, all those pageant kids who aren’t cute and have shitty attitudes= MISGUIDED CONFIDENCE.

Worst American Idol Auditions

Life is a zero-sum game, which means that there are winners and losers.  It’s better to be honest and realistic with your children than to support them with misguided confidence.  Continue reading

The Freedom to be Stupid

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” Albert Einstein

I am an American and I would like to know what has happened to my country?

It’s wonderful to be free, but unfortunately, freedom often protects those who are complete fucking morons.

Here are some examples:

Case in point 1: Dumb-Ass North Carolina Rednecks

“Build a great big large fence 50 or 100 miles long. Put all the lesbians in there. Fly over and drop some food. Do the same thing with the queers and the homosexuals. Have that fence electrified so they can’t get out. You know what, in a few years, they’ll die out. You know why? They can’t reproduce,” said Charles Worley, pastor at Providence Road Baptist Church in Maiden, N.C.

Why won’t any reporter covering this story just say what should be said?

I want to hear someone on live television say, “Excuse me Pastor Worley, do you realize that you are a gigantic jack-ass and you are spitting in the face of evolution with your archaic beliefs and opinions?  Stop hiding behind your Bible, fucking your sisters, do the world a favor and slit your wrists immediately.” 

But sadly, no one has the balls to say that for fear of pissing someone off.  It’s ok to piss off assholes. Continue reading

The Dick Clark Obsession

Well, Dick Clark died the other day.  I don’t think anyone was surprised, especially if you watched him painfully try to speak on the New Year’s countdown this past year.

Don’t you think it was bit egotistical of him to attempt to count when he could barely speak?  It was terrible to watch.

It truly was that car wreck on the side of the road that you rubberneck to see the bloody body parts strewn across the road.

Like 99% of you, I didn’t know Dick Clark.  He could have been a wonderful man or a terrible man, I really don’t know.

Clark hosted American Bandstand for years and was most recently know for hosting Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve.

Sorry, but he hosted a couple of really shitty music shows.  Have you ever listened to the New Year’s countdown?  Holy shit, it was absolutely hideous.

Do you know who else also died the other day???  A teacher in Wisconsin, a police officer in California, a charity worker in Texas, a close friend of mine lost her battle with lung cancer, etc.  Do you get my point?

Why does America give a fuck about Dick Clark dying?  What did he contribute to our society besides spawning the grotesquely overpaid Ryan Seacrest?

America’s obsession with Hollywood makes me want to vomit in my mouth, swallow it, vomit again, put it on a sandwich and feed it to the masses who make this bullshit possible.

Clark was just another man who died the other day.  He should be treated no differently than anyone else who died that day.  Continue reading

DUH’America

Do not be upset.  Do not shed a tear.  Do not throw your arms to the sky to ask why.  Do not blame the politicians.  Do not blame those around you.

Blame yourself.  Why?  Because it all starts with you.

You may wake up one day to find that China has won. Then our street vendors will be serving fried golden retriever nuggets and we will be getting to work via rickshaws, do not piss your pants.  We deserve it. Continue reading

WWJS (what would Jesus say)in 2012

What would jesus say if he were kicking it in his sandals down the Sunset Strip in the year 2012?  I think he would say the following:

  • Damn those Kardashians are worthless, but I would love to smack Kim’s ass.
  • Marie Osmond is still doing commercials and pimping herself?  I guess Satan isn’t going to release her soul after all.
  • I’m going to call dad and have him change Sodom & Gomorrah in the bible to Jersey Shore & American Idol
  • I can’t wait to babysit Justin Beiber and dress him in crotchless lederhosen.
  • I wish I had some of this Gold Bond Medicated powder back in the day
  • Holy Shit!!! Mountain Dew has no trans-fat, relief
  • Dad had nothing to do with creating rednecks, nothing at all
  • Hey sheep, use some common sense, my dad isn’t real and neither am I, wake up