the Redneck Parade (when Trump returns)

horsetrumpWhen Trump returns from his first global visit (the greatest presidential global visit in the history of America): there will be a parade to celebrate.  Not just any parade, the greatest parade ever………… the greatest parade in the history of ever.

Trump, our dear leader, will ride in on a gigantic white stallion (of course it will be white).  The stallion’s name will be “Nationalism.”  Our Dear Leader will ride Nationalism without a saddle, because he’s a stud like that.

It has nothing to do with ironic symbolism. (That symbolism being the absence of stability within this administration).

Our Dear Leader will be riding Nationalism extremely erect with his usual victorious smile and brandishing two gigantic, gold six shooters.  The bullets will streak into the air with smoke signal slogans of ; Muslim Ban, Jail Hillary, Fuck the FBI, Fake News, No Russian Collusion, etc.

While watching the bullet smoke signals, the angry white Rednecks will applaud loudly; even though they have trouble reading and continually become distracted by their opposable thumbs.

But what they do know is that whatever their Dear Leader says is ABSOLUTELY FUCKING TRUE.  They continue to applaud and applaud and applaud and applaud until they need a Mountain Dew refill, only then does the crowd quiet.

Unfortunately, Our Dear Leader realized the power of the Redneck Vote.  They are so easily fooled, so easily influenced, so easily agitated.  It only took a few truly fake news stories and an agenda of hate to win their votes.  And their votes were many.

Every night I look to the sky and cry; pleading with the aliens to come take me to their home.  Far, far away from this planet.

Pretty Stupid Girls (by Misti Rainwater-Lites)

Misti-rainwater-lites-180(I’m a big fan of writer Misti Rainwater-Lites.  For me, this poem sums up Duh’Merica perfectly.)

This poem is timeless and one that can be read 100 years from now and still be applicable to American Society.

This poem is absolutely, fucking perfect.

I found this on: Poem of the Week September 19th 2005

Pretty Stupid Girls by Misti Rainwater-Lites

pretty stupid girls
chewing Dentyne Ice
and chatting on their cell phones
as Vietnamese ladies
polish their toenails
pretty stupid girls
showing off cleavage and fake tans
in bra tops from Victoria’s Secret
gossiping about Kevin and Britney
wanting to be Paris and Nicole
pretty stupid girls
getting sloshed in clubs
that blast stupid songs
going home with
pretty stupid boys
proving to the world
that Americans
pretty much
suck

 

A hipster’s letter to white America

(Scene: Jude writes a letter to White America, hoping the Hip Page will print it now since he is an employee) Dear White America, Although I am white, I KNOW what discrimination is. I KNOW what racism is. I feel terrible for all those poor African-American men who have been murdered by the police. I […]

via jude “can’t breathe” an open letter to white america — HipsterStories

Go back to bed America (bill hicks quote)

It amazes me how this quote still applies today.  Read it and let it sink in for a minute.

I miss Bill Hicks.  I can only imagine what he would be saying today.

“Go back to bed, America. Your government has figured out how it all transpired. Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control again. Here. Here’s American Gladiators. Watch this, shut up. Go back to bed, America. Here is American Gladiators. Here is 56 channels of it! Watch these pituitary retards bang their fucking skulls together and congratulate you on living in the land of freedom. Here you go, America! You are free to do what we tell you! You are free to do what we tell you!”

Bill Hicks

My New Hero (Charles P. Pierce)

“Idiot America is a strange, disordered place.  Everything is on the wrong shelves.  The truth of something is defined by how many people will attest to it, and facts are defined by those people’s fervency.  Fiction and nonfiction are defined by how well they sell.  The best sellers are one shelf, check by jowl, whether what’s contained in them is true or not.  People wander blindly, following the Gut into dark corners and aisles that lead nowhere, confusing possibilities with threats, jumping at shadows, stumbling around.  They trip over piles of fiction left strewn around the floor of the nonfiction aisles.  They fall down.  They land on other people, and those other people can get hurt.” Charles P. Pierce from the book Idiot America

 

America

I have been searching for a while and finally found my new hero.  His name is Charles P. Pierce.  His book Idiot America is an absolute must read, absolute must read.

He is brilliant, but will never be as popular as Kim Kardashian or Miley Cyrus.  That is why I fear the battle may have already been lost.

Pierce is not sexy, he is not charismatic, he does not man-scape, he does not fake tan, he is not Hollywood in an way, shape or form.

Sadly, Pierce is just an incredibly gifted writer and communicator who understands the “big picture” of our culture and rips into that culture without regard for offense.

He researches and brings the truth to light.  But sadly, most of Idiot America could care less about the truth.  Idiot America wants TMZ, American Idol and wants to suck the Kardashian tit until the milk is gone.

That’s why China has already won.

Thank you Mr. Pierce for what you do, thank you.  I only hope more people will discover you.

DUH’America II (The Kardashian Effect)

“Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye?” Bill Hicks

(I know this happened a while ago, but I fucking hate the Kardashians, so here it is again)

I saw that someone threw flour on Kim Kardashian at some bull-shit red carpet event recently and now she’s going to press charges.  First, before we think about this horrible (sarcasm) event let‘s think about just exactly who Kim K is.

Her dad was a lawyer, he died.  Her next dad was on a Wheaties box and if he has one more plastic surgery his mouth will surely swallow his entire head.

She’s physically attractive, has a big ass, fucked a rapper, filmed it and put it online.  SHEBANG, FAMOUS. 

Let that sink in for a minute.  That’s right, DUH’America, you are responsible for creating the Kardashians.

She fucked a rapper and videotaped it= FAMOUS

She has a nice, big ass= FAMOUS Continue reading

Fifty Shades of Lame

Well, DUH’America did it again.  Brevard County in Melbourne, Fl banned the ridiculously popular Shades of Grey book from its libraries.

Yep, that’s right, apparently Brevard County is waging a war against all the pathetic, attention lacking, pre-menopausal, middle-aged women in their county.  How can any county government wage a public war against women like this?

I feel absolutely terrible that these poor, desperately in need of self-esteem women can’t check out a book that helps them diddle themselves. Continue reading