Dear Hipster Schmuck, Believe it or not, I did read your letter. Well, I had someone read it to me. And I have a few things to tell you. Thanks for not voting for me. I didn’t need your sorry, smelly Hipster vote. You are exactly what’s wrong with this country. You are a perfect […]
So thousands and thousands of people marched for equal rights yesterday. And guess what???? Absolutely nothing changed and nothing will change because people walked around with signs.
You know why? Because Trump, his cabinet and his supporters don’t give a shit. They won, you didn’t. And they love it.
Politically, they will do whatever they want to do with no care for you and your protests. You will have sore feet and a crotch rash and nothing will change for the better.
Stop posting how “proud” you are of everyone who walked around with a sign. Your sign doesn’t mean jack, fucking, shit. They only people who care about your protest were the people walking next to you.
You were preaching to your own choir, but you slept well last night. And that’s all that matters.
Look, Trump is an asshole, this is true. He’s a sexist, egotistical asshole and should never be anyone’s president, but he is. And there are 60 something million people who voted for him and they are also assholes.
But Hillary sucked giant donkey balls too. Don’t try to tell me differently, I’m stating facts.
Instead of making signs and chanting maybe you should do something else.
Like feed a homeless kid, volunteer at a domestic abuse shelter or help and old person cross the street. Those are things you can actually do in your community that make a real difference.
You decry the evil that is Trump and then walk around with signs. You are part of Duh’Merica, embrace it.
(Please comment and tell me how your protests/marches from yesterday did anything, please)
Dear Mr. Trump, I’ve sat idly and watched as you have reached out to members of the community; white people, black people, Democrats and Republicans. It deeply saddens me that you have overlooked a significant part of the population who suffers from an extraordinary amount of discrimination. Hipsters. Yes, I repeat……….HIPSTERS. I guess you have […]
(Jude writes a mini-column and submits it to his editor at the Hip Page) Dear Kayne, You have really done it now Kayne. When you “fake” interrupted Beck’s acceptance speech at the Grammy’s, you did something that you probably didn’t realize. You stepped, I mean, hurdled over the Hipster Line. Beck has been a stalwart […]
(Scene: Jude writes a letter to White America, hoping the Hip Page will print it now since he is an employee) Dear White America, Although I am white, I KNOW what discrimination is. I KNOW what racism is. I feel terrible for all those poor African-American men who have been murdered by the police. I […]
Yeah, I’m real fucking confused. Our president, D Trump, took a meeting with annoyingly mustachioed “comedian” Steve Harvey. Hold the fucking phone here.
What the what? What the fuck? Fuck the what?
According to reporters, the first thing our golden-haired president did was call Ben Carson and put him on speaker. Well, hell yeah. It makes sense that he called the only black person he knows to join the conversation.
And then they talked about how to help people in the inner cities.
Yes, you heard that correctly. President Golden Shower spoke with two incredibly wealthy black dudes who haven’t lived in a ghetto since they were children. Wow, now that’s progress.
I’m sure that every poor, real ghetto person feels better today. They probably walked outside and quoted Ice Cube, “Today, I didn’t even have to use my AK. I got a say it was a good day.”
(Someone should probably tell Dr. Carson who Ice Cube is.)
Probably the best part for me will be when all the pasty, white conservatives will pound their chest and say, “See, Mr. Trump really cares about the black community. He’s going to make a difference.”
Duh’Merica, you are a dirty, dirty whore. Go to the clinic and get tested immediately.
Dear Hip Pages, (in response to Why American Sniper Didn’t Win) I was recently saddened to see that you have let a hipster infiltrate your movie review department. I thought a news organization was supposed to present both sides of a story?? How can you let a smelly, bearded, never bathing Hipster comment on movies […]