(While reading this, keep in mind that somewhere inside her New Orleans mansion, Anne Rice is pulling her fucking hair out)
Hey Twilight freaks, get a fucking grip.
So, it appears that Kristen Stewart may in fact be a dirty, little whore.
The pictures of her butt snuggling with a married man were not photo shopped and she actually admitted cheating on her vampire boyfriend Robert.
Hold the fucking phone!!!
How could she do such a dastardly thing? How could she betray such a wonderful vampire????
WHO FUCKING CARES!!!! Holy shit people, get a fucking life already.
VAMPIRES ARE NOT REAL. I repeat, VAMPIRES ARE NOT REAL.
But don’t freak out too much, for all you know Stephanie Meyer may have added this plot twist for the next movie.
I know how difficult it can be for people to separate reality from movies, but the vampire world is a very intricate one.
On page 37 of The Vampires are Probably Real handbook; it states that “reality is truly the creation of the believer.”
So wipe those tears away, clean up that runny nose and text all your friends that there could be a new Vampire Rising.
What could that mean you ask? Duh, what if Kristen bit that guy she cheated on Robert with? That means he’s a vampire now.
Holy Shit, now all you freaks have to decide on Team Edward, Team Jacob or Team Cheater Guy.
Oh dear, I can smell your desperation and it reeks.