(I’ve lived on the West coast of Florida nearly my whole life and I’ve dealt with tourists for most of that time; thus, the inspiration.)
Hey Tourist (Beaches)- Yes, the beach is beautiful, now pay attention. Those white/greyish birds flying around trying to steal your snacks are called Sea Gulls. They are disgusting, they are mean and they are filthy.
In the mornings they spend their time at the local landfills picking through our waste. Then by early afternoon, they fly to the beach hoping your dumb, tourist ass will feed them. Remember that when you throw chips to them. Hope you had a tetanus shot recently.
Sunscreen– Please go to a CVS or Walgreens and buy plenty of sunscreen. The sun at the beach is very, very hot and your pasty, Northern skin will absolutely sizzle without it. Continue reading