A hunting pastor shot dead (shit tons of irony)

180221-pastor-killed-hunting-feature

You can’t even make this shit up. These poor AR-15’s just can’t catch a break.

A pastor hunting in the North Carolina woods was mistaken for a coyote by another hunter and shot dead.

So much irony here.  How in the hell does a hunter mistake a man for a coyote?  Last time I checked, coyotes are about the size of a medium dog or a small hobbit.

Well done hunter of the year.  Maybe lay of the meth and Mountain Dew before you pull out your AR-15 and start shooting into the woods.

I guess he could always use the “Hobbit Defense” at trial.  “Your honor, I swear it was one of them little, furry hobbit things from Lord of the Rings.  People ’round these parts have been seein’ em for years.  I wanted to be the first to kill one,” said the killer.

Hunter using animal caller is mistaken for coyote and killed

Hunting pastor using animal caller mistaken for coyote, fatally shot

And probably the cruelest irony of this story is this:  Where the fuck was God on this one????  I mean holy shit, you let a Baptist pastor get shot and killed. 

Well, I guess in God’s defense there has been a huge increase in prayers lately from Republicans and the NRA for the families of all the victims of the Parkland, Fl school shooting.

God’s just too damn busy these days.  Keep praying Duh’Merica, keep praying.

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Church Signs & Oral Sex

“They stand best, who kneel most.” 

 

stupid-church-signI saw this on a sign in front of a church the other day while traveling for work.

I’m guessing that this particular church was going for a quote about praying, hence the kneeling reference. 

But, my immediate thoughts revolved around oral sex and more specifically, blowjobs.

If the quote is indeed to be homage to people who pray, I’m having trouble grasping the logic behind it.  So, the more someone kneels on the ground praying, the better they stand? 

I’m not a doctor, but I don’t think frequent kneeling is conducive to good posture.  So by my logic, those who kneel too much will probably not be able to stand very well at all.

I’m very afraid that “Frequent Kneelers” may end up with horribly bad posture and terrible back problems.  How could a church promote such actions that would be a detriment to the health of their worshipers? Continue reading

People ‘Round Here

religious-fanaticI recently commented on a blog post about god’s will and received a very pointed reply comment from a believer.

You can visit the blog post here if you would like: Not So Polite Dinner Conversation-A Christian commenter comes slinking back, and a question; why believe one and not the others?    

I enjoyed the post whether it was a true story or an invented one.  I like how it was presented and the discussion it created.  I had to stop commenting because I didn’t want to troll.

The comments reminded me about my time in college.  I attended a small, private Baptist college in North West Georgia.

Growing up in Florida, my college life was a huge culture shock for me.  But I wouldn’t trade that experience for anything.  It helped me grow as a person and see life from several different perspectives.

I attended school during the late 1990’s, but it felt more like the 1940’s.  The town was extremely religious and very, very white.

The people in my college town were mostly Southern Baptist and very close-minded.  Although the town had two colleges, a large segment of the population was largely uneducated and very simple-minded.

While out in public, it was not uncommon to hear people throwing around racial epithets like “nigger,” “spic,” “wetback,” etc in normal conversations. It was also not uncommon to watch people in public berate those who may have appeared homosexual.  This was very normal and accepted there. Continue reading

Extra Mayo

arbys_philly_beef_02When I asked for extra mayo on the side, she stared at me with those banjo eyes.  You know the eyes I mean.

The eyes that seem to be much farther apart than they should be.  Eyes that have watched cousins touch each other in the dark, warm areas only non-relatives should be allowed to touch.

Her quizzical expression reminded me of how a squirrel’s mind must feel when it crosses the road in front of a car safely, then darts back from where he came from. But her expression was far less urgent than the squirrel narrowly escaping death.

“Extra mayo?  You sure about that,” she said with a southern baptist twang.

“Absolutely dear.  Haven’t you ever had mayo on a philly cheese steak?” I answered a bit angrily.

And why did she give a shit about my mayo ordering habits?  After all, this was an Applebees in the deep south and not exactly a bastion for health nuts.  I naturally assumed that mayo was quite popular here. Continue reading