Animal abuse, MTV & Siesta Key

These kids are assholes. Thanks MTV for putting one of them on your shitty “reality” show Siesta Key. Well done

BRADENTUCKY MAN

IMG953524-2Well, damn, you mean just because you delete a picture or video from your phone it doesn’t disappear forever?????

Take a look at this picture on the left.  This appears to be Alex Kompothecras, 1-800 Ask Gary’s kid.  He’s the spoiled brat who is the “star” of MTV’s latest garbage show called Siesta Key.

Take a look at the video link below.  I’m no scientist, but damn that looks like Alex.  If that’s not Alex, wearing a fucking Trump hat, shooting a hammerhead shark and laughing about it, well then I apologize.  But damn, that looks like him.

bradenton shark assholes at it again

And check this out, shortly before this video was released, MTV gave a very MTV garbage-like statement.

MTV Responds to Siesta Key Shark-Dragging Controversy

I really hope something can be done to punish all these people who treat animals this way.  I’m a Bradentucky native.  I’ve…

View original post 70 more words

Advertisements

Siesta Key spoiled rich kids (MTV)

New MTV reality show Siesta Key will definitely suck

BRADENTUCKY MAN

Siesta-Key-Cast-Photo-resizedGive me a fucking break.  This MTV Siesta Key reality show is going to be bull-shit.  Of course MTV wants to film a bunch of spoiled, rich kids dicking around on a beautiful beach.

This is just pure MTV laziness.  They followed around a bunch of rich kids partying on Siesta Key during the summer.  Wow, fucking genius idea MTV (sarcasm).

Check out the picture of the “cast.”  Just your normal group of young people with extra abs and zero body fat.  Oh, thanks MTV for throwing in a token “almost” black guy.

I can see the drama now:

  • “OMG, I need help putting on my bronzer on.  Don’t they have lotion boys on this beach???”
  •  “Bro, what do you mean I can’t do shots on the beach?  Don’t you know my dad is rich?”
  • “I’m so tired of sweating out here.  Can you tell your dad to buy a…

View original post 82 more words

Duh’Merica (a poem)

DUH’merica, what have you done?

While you parade the streets in gas guzzling suburbans, there are soldiers dying around the world trying to kill dark-skinned people after taking orders from fat, pasty-white politicians who only care about their offshore bank accounts.

DUH’merica, why don’t you care?

That our children have difficulty finding China on a map, but they can update their Facebook status perfectly while crossing a busy city street without getting splattered in traffic.

DUH’merica, why can’t you turn it off?

The Kardashians, TMZ, The Bachelor, American Idol, America’s Got Talent sift through the minds of our youth like a slow, neurotoxin eating them from the inside out. Continue reading

Did Tony Fuck Angela?

(A while ago I had a gmail blogger account and posted this.  One of my favorite poets,Misti Rainwater-Lites posted a nice comment about it.  Sure it could have been a Misti imposter, but I like to tell myself it was really her.)

I keep asking myself the question………… Did Tony ever fuck Angela? I want to know, I want to know badly. If he did, I think it would have gone  something like this:

Tony approached her right after he finished vacuuming the drapes. She had probably just returned home from a hard day of work at her advertising agency. She was standing by the door teasing her Grayish-streaked hair, almost inviting him to taste her middle-aged grapes.

“Hey Angela, you are looking pretty hot standing there by the door. Why don’t you come a little closer so I can fuck you up the ass,” Tony would quip.

“Oh Tony, you are so boorish, so Italian, so ruggedly…………….. what time is dinner,” Angela would blush and retreat to the kitchen.

Then Mona would enter the room, arm entwined with a an old drunk who resembled Bukowski. Tony and Angela could both smell the sex on her breath as she paraded around the room with the misguided confidence only shared by Blanche from the Golden Girls. Continue reading

I Would Like To……

I would like to dip Paula Deen in butter, roll her in flour and then drop her into a huge deep-fat fryer.

Then, once cooked, slice her into little bite-sized pieces and feed all the hungry kids in the world.  I’m sure she would taste like a yummy, plump chicken.

I would like to make people understand that praying does absolutely nothing and waving your hands to the sky only makes birds and aliens very nervous.

Thanks a lot religious freaks, I’ve been waiting for years to be captured by aliens and taken away from this planet.

I would like to lock all the Kardashians in a rubber-walled room with three dictionaries and see who figures out how to open it first. Continue reading

The A-Hole Bachelor (my version)

bachelorIt’s difficult for me to admit, but I watched the Bachelor last night.  I really just wanted to confirm that the show is a collagen-filled parade of insecure fame hunters.

While confirming the above, I had an incredibly creative vision.

A new show called, The Asshole-Bachelor should be created.  Everything would be exactly the same as the current show except the Asshole-Bachelor would have to be 100% honest at all times.

The Asshole-Bachelor would say things like this:

  • Well fuck no you aren’t getting a rose.  Seriously, did you think that crying about being dumped a while ago was going to get you a flower?  And additionally, your face looks like you’ve been chewing on wrenches.  Fuck off and stop crying.
  • (To the African-American contestant) I’m only giving you this rose because the producers said we had to have a black woman make it until at least week 3.  You are very nice though.  Cheers
  • Whoever figures out how to lick my balls the best, gets to go on the next date.
  • I love my son, now fuck me hard.
  • True love awaits you………….. in the hot tub
  • I haven’t brushed my teeth in three days, so when you start sucking on my tongue and catch a whiff of hot-garbage, that’s just contestant number 2’s pussy you smell
  • I know, I know, isn’t anal bleaching just the best
  • So you didn’t get a rose, who cares.  You can always video yourself fucking a rapper and fame is sure to follow.

I think HBO could have fun with this one. My version would be so much more fun and entertaining.

If my version of the Bachelor shows up one day on some vague cable network, I will be getting a lawyer.

Contestant #3 (an ode to the Bachelor)

xjuan-pablo-and-clare.jpg.pagespeed.ic.LMjjvTHnq8

(I’m re-posting this because my favorite train wreck is starting again on Monday)

OMG, who will he pick this time????

After sucking on 10 different sets of collagen-filled lips, love is floating around the hot tub like un-caged semen unfazed by chlorine.

“I can really see myself with you.  I’ve never felt a connection like this,” says contestant number 8 as she slips her bikini top back, adjusts her thong and exits the hot tub.

The Bachelor looks toward the sky and thanks the good lord for his fortune, but before he can finish the prayer, contestant number 3 sneaks up behind him, wrapping her lips around his ear.

His dick still hard from number 8, number 3 was now straddling him as the bubbles started to foam and lap against his chiseled pecks

“You know, I want to show you a trick,” she whispered into his ear.

She turned around, dropped her head into the water and into his lap. She began sucking his member.  His body began to quiver.  Just when he thought he could take no more, her ass jumped from the water and began to “twerk” relentlessly in his face.  Her precious lady bits were only inches from his face.

He started to slide his tongue into her meat pouch, but a sudden thought of fear rambled around his head.

“Oh no, my sweet little daughter will watch this one day.  What will she think about her daddy licking number 3’s lady bits in the hot tub.”

Then he quickly remembered how heavily edited the “reality” show is.  He inserted his tongue deep inside number 3’s love canal, gave her a rose and asked for a cigarette.

Manufactured love is a beautiful concept and a concept the Bachelor will never forget.