Rednecks Don’t Need Spell Check

(I’m not sure why, but this post gets the most views of anything I’ve written.  Apparently, rednecks are polarizing.)

“No one has anythang agenst rednecks” Chris from Independence High

 

(I used to run a website where I made fun of people who posted stupid shit on Facebook.  This was one of my posts about rednecks.)

One group of people who always help me feel intelligent is “Rednecks.”

I absolutely love the fact that they jack off on their bibles, wear camouflage, hate all non-white people, hate northerners for no reason, use the word nigger, hate gay people, fuck their sisters/cousins/aunts/uncles, go mudding, hunt anything with a pulse and bitch and complain all the time about Hispanics taking their jobs.

Rednecks are the best.  Society always needs a continuous stream of racist, sister fuckers with non-chlorinated gene pools to keep the white race alive.  Sometimes, I am so proud to be white (sarcasm).

Please do not get confused between “Rednecks” and “Country People”.   There are actually many good country folk out there and those are not the people I am speaking about here.

But, for the love of God, Allah, Buddha and Krishna, WHY CAN’T REDNECKS USE SPELL CHECK???  I just do not get it.  The following posts are from Redneck Groups on Facebook.  Just read and enjoy.   And remember, this is real; I could not make this shit up. Continue reading

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Political Limericks

“Barry”

There once was a man named Obama
His daddy was black not his mamma
He won the election
Cuz of his off-white complexion
Now all of the whities are in trauma

“Rush”
There once was a man named Rush Limbaugh
He turned into a pill eating dildo
But his maid did tell
When her check didn’t swell
And off to rehab did he go

“The Reverend”
There once was a reverend named Jackson
Who walked the fine lines of attraction
His dick it did stray
To another woman they say
Now his wife gets the last satisfaction

Hey Baptist

(Author’s note; I’m rather enjoying writing in this style, kind of like a letter to people who piss me off.  It makes me feel like someone is actually listening.  I graduated from a small, private Baptist college in Rome, Georgia, hence the inspiration.  It was the most racist, backwoods, redneck filled city I’ve ever lived in.)

Hey Baptist– Stop telling me not to drink beer while you fill your obese face with only deep-fried foods while washing it down with gallons of sweet tea and Mountain Dew.

A vegetable is no longer a vegetable once you bread it with flour, deep fry it and dip it in Ranch Dressing.

Hey Baptist– Stop telling me that I’m going to hell for having premarital sex while you secretly Google search “Filipino Lady-Boys Ball-Gag Naked Twister”.

I know that your wife is constantly busy folding your laundry, buttering your toast, ironing your suspenders and picking up your Twinkie wrappers and probably is too tired to let you go balls deep inside her each night. Continue reading

The Best Racist Rant Ever (Do the Right Thing)

Do the Right Thing, best racist rant ever

I don’t care what race you are. This is brilliant, thanks Spike Lee.

Strip Club Babysitter- the White Trash Chronicles

I’m going to start this new series where I occasionally comment on real news stories involving anything “white-trash” related.  These stories will all lend credibility to my belief that America should institute a “mandatory sterilization” policy for all people who should not be allowed to breed.

For example; Casey Anthony, all of the Kardashians, Lil’Wayne, all white supremacists, the Osmonds, Rush Limbaugh, etc.

The stories speak for themselves.

Chapter I. Strip Club Babysitter

A couple left their 4 year-old child in their car for an hour while they went into a Florida strip club.  Now, although the parents appear to be of Hispanic descent, this is definitely an act taken directly from the “white trash handbook of life.”

Please remember, I’m using the term “handbook” very loosely here.  It’s more like life directions whittled into the wood steps of their trailers.

By the way, it was about 88 degrees that day and probably over 100 inside a car.

But, if these parents truly followed white trash laws, they would have left the window cracked and given their child a few Red Bulls, pixie sticks and a cigarette to play with.  No lighter though, they wouldn’t want their kid to set the family Datsun on fire.

How about this?

Dad– open your legs and now we take your balls.

Mom– put your feet in the stirrups and get ready to have your uterus harvested.

There is no reason in the world why these two should ever be allowed to breed again.  Go ahead, try to tell me I’m wrong here.

The Skittles Caper (Trayvon Martin)

As you may know, I live in Florida so that means I am inundated daily by the media about the Trayvon Martin, George Zimmerman case.

Well, after some evidence was released today, I now have some theories.

The “Evidence” (I use the term in quotations because who really knows what is real in this case): Pictures were released of Zimmerman showing cuts on the back of his head and on his nose.

A convenience store surveillance camera shows Martin, in his hoody, purchasing a bag of Skittles.  The store employee didn’t appear to be scared of the terrifying black kid in a hoody (sarcasm), in fact, he took his money and gave him some change.

And apparently, the autopsy showed that there was marijuana in Martin’s bloodstream.

The Marijuana Defense: While THC was found to be in Martin’s bloodstream, they exact time when he smoked some weed can’t be determined by any test.

This brings us to quite the dilemma:  Continue reading

Tagging, my first attempt

Alright, so I’ve been tagged by a few people, which I greatly appreciate.  I apologize for taking so long to reply, but I’ve had to travel a lot for work lately and have kids to feed.  So here goes my first attempt at this.  If I left someone out who has tagged me, I do apologize, I’m not very organized and get lost on the internet frequently.  I mean no disrespect.

Some of my favorite blogs:

http://aspoonfulofsuga.wordpress.com/ : wonderful, insightful, incredible life perspective, extraordinarily creative, inspirational

http://pigeonheartponderings.wordpress.com/  : all around cool as hell, extremely intelligent, quirky, kick ass advice

http://howtodateboys.wordpress.com/ : unique story teller and amazing commentator of dating “boys”, quite funny

http://retrorambling.wordpress.com/: TidiousTed, very cool retro blog posts

http://retrorambling.wordpress.com/:  Some quick, cool posts

1. What’s the best thing that happened to you in the last 36 hours? I ate some Southwest Egg Rolls at Chilis.  They are magical.

2. What are your pet peeves?  Old people who pass gas in public, old people who get in my way, old people who smell.  Pretty much most old people.  I live in Florida, it’s gets very fucking annoying dodging the elderly every day. Continue reading