Did Tony Fuck Angela?

(A while ago I had a gmail blogger account and posted this.  One of my favorite poets,Misti Rainwater-Lites posted a nice comment about it.  Sure it could have been a Misti imposter, but I like to tell myself it was really her.)

I keep asking myself the question………… Did Tony ever fuck Angela? I want to know, I want to know badly. If he did, I think it would have gone  something like this:

Tony approached her right after he finished vacuuming the drapes. She had probably just returned home from a hard day of work at her advertising agency. She was standing by the door teasing her Grayish-streaked hair, almost inviting him to taste her middle-aged grapes.

“Hey Angela, you are looking pretty hot standing there by the door. Why don’t you come a little closer so I can fuck you up the ass,” Tony would quip.

“Oh Tony, you are so boorish, so Italian, so ruggedly…………….. what time is dinner,” Angela would blush and retreat to the kitchen.

Then Mona would enter the room, arm entwined with a an old drunk who resembled Bukowski. Tony and Angela could both smell the sex on her breath as she paraded around the room with the misguided confidence only shared by Blanche from the Golden Girls. Continue reading

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Million Hipster March-a new Trump protest

After Jude’s terrible week dealing with being berated by President Trump, Clemmy finally reached out to him. She texted- “Jude, I think I have all of our problems solved, sending u an email now, dearest Clemmy.” Jude finally had a light at the end of the tunnel. He opened the email on his phone immediately: […]

via Million Hipster March (screw Trump) — HipsterStories

Trump replies to a hipster

Dear Hipster Schmuck, Believe it or not, I did read your letter. Well, I had someone read it to me. And I have a few things to tell you. Thanks for not voting for me. I didn’t need your sorry, smelly Hipster vote. You are exactly what’s wrong with this country. You are a perfect […]

via Trump replies to a hipster — HipsterStories

a hipster takes down Trump

Dear Mr. Trump, I’ve sat idly and watched as you have reached out to members of the community; white people, black people, Democrats and Republicans. It deeply saddens me that you have overlooked a significant part of the population who suffers from an extraordinary amount of discrimination. Hipsters. Yes, I repeat……….HIPSTERS. I guess you have […]

via A hipster’s letter to Trump — HipsterStories

A hipster solves America’s gun problem

Dear America, I can’t stand it any longer; Orlando, Baton Rouge and now Fort Myers. When will the madness end, you may ask? Well, I can answer that for you. Since my early hipster days in middle school I championed an incredible idea. An idea so ahead of its time I was often laughed at […]

via A hipster solves American gun violence issue — HipsterStories

a real Hipster love story….

hipster-tash_3046941bIf you want a break from the idiocy that is Duh’Merica, go visit my other blog.  It’s a terrific Hipster love story.

It’s the story of Jude the Hipster, his love Clemmy and his arch nemesis Billy Fucking Emo.

Hipster love is stinky, vintage, ironic and absolutely fucking hilarious.

Oh, and I forgot to mention, it’s probably going to be picked up by Netflix, Hulu or Amazon Prime very soon.  (Author’s note: yes, the above statement is extraordinary wishful thinking, but hey, it could happen.)

Here are a couple of my favorite bits, I promise you will laugh:

Face in the Pillows- Hipster Sex

Jude the Hipster’s Letter to Kayne

The Swim Off- Jude battles Billy Emo

 

1-976 HIPSTER

Subcultures fascinate me and nothing fascinates me more than Hipsters.  They are fucking everywhere, literally and figuratively and I enjoy poking fun at them.  (probably a poor word choice there)

There is a fetish out there for everyone so I’m sure there is a Hipster Phone Sex Line and here’s how I think it would go down:

Caller: (after dialing 1-976-HIPSTER and giving her his credit card number) Hi there, I’m a little nervous, I’ve never done this before.

     Hipster: Don’t be nervous, I’m here to ease your stress and a ease a few other things….if you know what I mean.

Caller:  Oh well, that sounds nice.  Can you call me Clementine?

Hipster: Sure thing, but how about Clemmy?

Caller:  (giggling) Oh yeah, that’s nice.  I’m already getting wet, tell me about your vintage records.

Hipster: Glad you asked, I have quite the vinyl collection.  Original Sgt. Peppers, Hendrix Isle of Wight,  Johnny Cash, Salt N Peppa………

Caller: (gently moaning) I was so close until Salt N Peppa.  Let me hear about your ironic beard and wardrobe  (hands in panties) Continue reading