Your Dog and My Kids

dog“My dog is smarter than your honor student.”  I’m sure most of you have seen this bumper sticker; of course the type of dog is usually identified.

I’ve raised dogs before and I am currently raising four children.  I can say, without a fucking doubt, that my honor students are smarter than whatever dog you have.

And here’s how I can prove it:

  • Your dog licks its own ass and genitalia on a regular basis and doesn’t brush its teeth.  So, in essence, your dog has ass-crotch breath.
  • Your dog sniffs crotches, a lot
  • Your dog can’t eat without you, my kids can use a microwave and an oven
  • Your dog pisses the floor when it hears thunder, my kids understand that thunder is just a noise
  • You have to cut your dog’s toenails……………enough said

I love dogs as much as the next person, but please relax with the bumper stickers.

Your dog will never be smarter than my honor students.  As a matter of fact, your dog will never be smarter than the below average booger eaters.

Cheers.

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Thug Question (when in Miami)

blackguyI travel a bit for my job and end up working in the Miami, FL area a few times each month. I usually work around and in the not so nice areas of Miami though.

I don’t get to frolic with the rich and famous or cruise South Beach drooling over the hot Latin women wearing thongs.

But that’s ok with me, I enjoy the “normal” elements of life and not the airbrushed Maserati lifestyle down here.

I’ve worked over here hundreds of times and I have one important question I need help with:  Why do some many ghetto-fabulous black guys walk around holding their dicks?

Now, don’t scream racism.  I’m simply asking a question about something I have observed many, many times. (Please read my other posts before you call me a racist.  I ridicule all races equally).

Just today I watched a guy walking down the street dressed in long jean shorts, a wife beater and his hand gripped on his dick.  I mean shit, I understand the stereotype that black men have huge dicks, but I didn’t realize they were so well endowed that they had to hold them while walking. Continue reading

Dear Kyle (the troll pit-bull owner)

whitetrashSadly, my posts about pit-bull owners seem to attract the most attention.  After reading my post; Pit Bulls, White Trash & Ghetto Fabulous A-holes, an incredibly angry pit-bull owner named Kyle sent me the following comment:

“The jackass that made this blog needs dog bit. I own a pit and have bred dozens of small breeds for years. Bit atleast a dozen times and it was stupid yuppie people with furr ball house dogs. Your stats may be close to right but you can’t blame it on the breed. Guarantee small furry dogs bite ten times more than pits but it’s never recorded. Wonder why??? Jackass’s like you”

Thank you Kyle for supporting just about everything in my post that relates to DUMB-ASS Pit-Bull owners.  Essentially, your quote is nonsense.  I do want to thank you for letting me know that I “needs dog bit.”

So how long did it take to pass the high school equivalency exam?  It probably sucked that the test proctors wouldn’t let you bring your seeing-eye Pit-Bull into the exam with you.  Discrimination is terrible.  You must fully understand now how Rosa Parks felt. Continue reading