the sweet, vicious pit bull

gangster-dog-pitbull-e1374802329339I’ve written about tons of different topics on my blog during my time here.  Some of my posts I feel are better than others.

But, there is one thing I still cannot fully understand:

Why are my pit bull posts so damn popular?  It fucking blows my mind.  As I’ve said in my previous posts many times; I love pit bulls.  They can be wonderful dogs.

But, like anything, when pit bulls are in the care of white-trash assholes and ghetto fabulous dick-bags, things will go awry.  I’m not sure why this is such a difficult concept for people to wrap their brains around.

dog“It’s the owner, not the dog,” some pit bull defenders will say.  That’s just fucking stupid logic.

The difference is that when a pit bull makes a mistake, someone can die.  When a chocolate lab makes a mistake, you get some stitches and heal just fine.

I’ve been ridiculed and threatened many times on here because of my opinions of pit bulls.

Am I really making such a terrible statement?  Am I jumping out of some ridiculous intellectual closet when I suggest that some people shouldn’t be allowed to own pit bulls?

Maybe I should start focusing more on reptile and samurai sword owners and their carelessness.   Oh my bad, that is pretty much the same demographic.

The First Honest Obituary

Recently, my grandfather passed away at the age of 88.  I won’t bore you with the details.  He was a great man, lived a great life and he died.  That’s just life.

As my family prepared his obituary for the local paper, it got me thinking about a couple of things.  Have you ever noticed how obituaries are always positive and always portray the dead person as a freaking saint?

Now, this has nothing to do with my grandfather, he actually was a saint and never hurt a soul.

But, I would like to prepare an obituary for a hypothetical dead person who was a real piece of shit.

Billy Ray Bumpkus 1980-2012, from Anytown, USA

Well, we all knew it was coming.  Satan finally cashed in Billy Ray’s soul ticket and took him to the depths of hell where he belongs.

We all wondered how it would happen.  Hell, the whole family and neighborhood had a death pool going.

Congrats to Billy Ray’s cousin Lula Bell who correctly predicted that he would die by being bitten by his pet Black Mamba named Hitler.  $100 to you Lula Bell, well done.

Early Life:  Billy Ray was a fairly destructive child.  At age 7, while still breastfeeding, he stumbled upon his neighbor’s meth lab and set the entire trailer park on fire when he tried to light a Newport.  After that incident, Billy Ray began drinking heavily and became known as the “Trailer Park Firestarter.” Continue reading

Your Dog and My Kids

dog“My dog is smarter than your honor student.”  I’m sure most of you have seen this bumper sticker; of course the type of dog is usually identified.

I’ve raised dogs before and I am currently raising four children.  I can say, without a fucking doubt, that my honor students are smarter than whatever dog you have.

And here’s how I can prove it:

  • Your dog licks its own ass and genitalia on a regular basis and doesn’t brush its teeth.  So, in essence, your dog has ass-crotch breath.
  • Your dog sniffs crotches, a lot
  • Your dog can’t eat without you, my kids can use a microwave and an oven
  • Your dog pisses the floor when it hears thunder, my kids understand that thunder is just a noise
  • You have to cut your dog’s toenails……………enough said

I love dogs as much as the next person, but please relax with the bumper stickers.

Your dog will never be smarter than my honor students.  As a matter of fact, your dog will never be smarter than the below average booger eaters.

Cheers.

Dear Kyle (the troll pit-bull owner)

whitetrashSadly, my posts about pit-bull owners seem to attract the most attention.  After reading my post; Pit Bulls, White Trash & Ghetto Fabulous A-holes, an incredibly angry pit-bull owner named Kyle sent me the following comment:

“The jackass that made this blog needs dog bit. I own a pit and have bred dozens of small breeds for years. Bit atleast a dozen times and it was stupid yuppie people with furr ball house dogs. Your stats may be close to right but you can’t blame it on the breed. Guarantee small furry dogs bite ten times more than pits but it’s never recorded. Wonder why??? Jackass’s like you”

Thank you Kyle for supporting just about everything in my post that relates to DUMB-ASS Pit-Bull owners.  Essentially, your quote is nonsense.  I do want to thank you for letting me know that I “needs dog bit.”

So how long did it take to pass the high school equivalency exam?  It probably sucked that the test proctors wouldn’t let you bring your seeing-eye Pit-Bull into the exam with you.  Discrimination is terrible.  You must fully understand now how Rosa Parks felt. Continue reading

Pit Bull Attacks a 3 year-old in Florida

In a couple earlier posts, I commented pointedly about dumb-ass pit bull owners and ruffled a few feathers:

Pit Bulls, White Trash & Ghetto Fabulous A-holes

and another one:

Mad, Dumb-Ass Pit Bull Defender (Hilarious)

A recent story near my home town, just proves my theories about dumb-ass pit bull owners who have no business owning any kind of dog, especially a potentially dangerous breed.

A 3 year-old is at a hospital in serious condition after being bitten by a pit bull mix.  According to the dog’s owner, the little girl fell on the dog’s back and that’s why the pit bull mix bit her.

What an idiot, a 3 year-old should know better than to accidentally fall on a dog, silly little fucker. (sarcasm)

You know, I once fell on a Golden Retriever and guess what????  He licked me in the face.

Check this out, this video will make all decent dog owners cringe and shit their pants at the same time: OWNER SAYS PIT BULL ATTACK WAS AN ACCIDENT

Please tell me you clicked the video link and listened to the ghetto fabulous assholes talking about the attack.  Well done America, China just won again.

Again, for all you people who love pit bulls, I’ve never said all pit bulls are bad, they just all have the potential to be bad.  Especially when dumb-asses are allowed to own them.

After reading this story and watching the video, go ahead and tell me that the owner of the pit bull mix should be allowed to have any pets.  Go ahead pit bull defenders, if this was a Jack Russell Terrier, I’m thinking the girl wouldn’t be in the hospital.

BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, keep on arguing.