Trump’s new Pledge of Allegiance

“I pledge allegiance, to the flag, of the disjointed States of Tump’Merica.  And to the Republic, for which it stands, One Nation, under Russia, with liberty for the privileged and justice for those with white skin.”

pencetrumpOur Dear Leader has proposed the above changes to the Pledge of Allegiance.  The Republican Congress should have no problem passing it.

Sadly though, it was reported that Mike Pence was furious because he wanted to have the word “God” added 150 times regardless of making any sense. (this is not actual news, this is hyperbole, comedy, etc.)

As ridiculous as this sounds, I wouldn’t surprised if some version of this happened one day.  Because this is the current state of Duh’Merica.

We are spinning wildly in a society without logic, without reason and without intelligent thought.  Anger and emotions have taken center stage.  Logic is just an afterthought.

We are Duh’Merica and we deserve this.

(By the way, I am a white man, I’ve never supported Hillary and I’m no bleeding heart.)

 

 

the Redneck Parade (when Trump returns)

horsetrumpWhen Trump returns from his first global visit (the greatest presidential global visit in the history of America): there will be a parade to celebrate.  Not just any parade, the greatest parade ever………… the greatest parade in the history of ever.

Trump, our dear leader, will ride in on a gigantic white stallion (of course it will be white).  The stallion’s name will be “Nationalism.”  Our Dear Leader will ride Nationalism without a saddle, because he’s a stud like that.

It has nothing to do with ironic symbolism. (That symbolism being the absence of stability within this administration).

Our Dear Leader will be riding Nationalism extremely erect with his usual victorious smile and brandishing two gigantic, gold six shooters.  The bullets will streak into the air with smoke signal slogans of ; Muslim Ban, Jail Hillary, Fuck the FBI, Fake News, No Russian Collusion, etc.

While watching the bullet smoke signals, the angry white Rednecks will applaud loudly; even though they have trouble reading and continually become distracted by their opposable thumbs.

But what they do know is that whatever their Dear Leader says is ABSOLUTELY FUCKING TRUE.  They continue to applaud and applaud and applaud and applaud until they need a Mountain Dew refill, only then does the crowd quiet.

Unfortunately, Our Dear Leader realized the power of the Redneck Vote.  They are so easily fooled, so easily influenced, so easily agitated.  It only took a few truly fake news stories and an agenda of hate to win their votes.  And their votes were many.

Every night I look to the sky and cry; pleading with the aliens to come take me to their home.  Far, far away from this planet.

sexual harassment isn’t real

Of course our Dear Leader Donald Trump is going to support his butt-buddy Bill O’Reilly regarding sexual harassment settlements.  I mean why the hell not?  Fox has only settled five suits brought against Billy boy.

Trump said to the New York Times: I think he’s a person I know well — he is a good person,” Trump said, according to the Times. “I think he shouldn’t have settled; personally I think he shouldn’t have settled. Because you should have taken it all the way. I don’t think Bill did anything wrong.

It’s always refreshing when the leader of the free world comments about media personalities and their sex suits.

billtrump

GOOD, FUCKING, LORD.

This is our Oval office.  This is our Dear Leader.

But then again, he did talk about grabbing women by the pussy.  So what should we expect?

I truly wonder if our Dear Leader understands what sexual harassment really is.  Maybe he thinks grabbing pussy is similar to how he “negotiates.”

When you are a billionaire you don’t have to negotiate.  You boss-hog your way through life and tell the other party exactly what you are going to do.  They can either take it or leave it.

We should all be embarrassed.  We should all be saddened by this.

Is our Dear Leader privy to some information that would exonerate his buddy?  No, probably not.  He just “knows” him and “knows” he wouldn’t do something like that.

Or, Billy Balls has video of our Dear Leader grabbing a lot of pussy.  That’s probably more plausible.

(I do feel sorry for all women and men who have been sexually harassed or abused in any way.  It’s a sad commentary on our society when people like Trump/O’Reilly devalue a very serious issue.) 

Mandatory Sterilization (Yep, I said it)

I am a proponent of mandatory sterilization and here is why: (my true feelings mixed with some humor)

I believe that some people should not be allowed to breed.  For example, a while ago a mother left her two infant children alone in a bath tub while she was outside on her patio surfing the web.

Solution easy– tie her tubes, she shouldn’t be allowed to have any more children and take the one surviving child away from her.

Any time a mother or father does something this stupid, they should lose their breeding privileges and they should be sterilized.  Why should they be allowed the potential to harm any more children?  Makes no sense to me.

I mean when someone gets a few DUI’s or speeding tickets, the government takes your license away.  Why not sterilize then?  If a parent makes 2 idiotic life threatening mistakes in respect to their children, bring out the scalpel.

“But I didn’t think little Skeeter would get hurt if I locked him inside the house with my 3 pit bulls while I was out buying lotto tickets and getting another case of Natural Lite Ice, he is 3 years old now.”

Sorry dip-shit, put your feet in the stirrups, it’s time to get neutered.

I know what you are thinking…….“but surely there will be opposition from the people you are wanting to sterilize.”

Of course there will be opposition, but that’s an easy fix.  All you have to do is offer them cases of Mountain Dew, Benson & Hedges cigs, barrels of ranch dressing, gift certificates to Dollar General, or free tanning coupons.  That should do the trick.

“I didn’t know that if I left Betty Lou locked in the car while I ran into Cato looking for stirrup pants that she could get injured.  I mean I even turned the car off and rolled up the windows so as to make sure the engine didn’t make her hot.  It was only 95 degrees out.  I really needed them stirrup pants anyhow, I had to try on 4 pairs, I was only gone 45 minutes.”

Sorry miss, put your feet in the stirrups, it’s time to harvest your uterus.

Seriously, there are plenty of people who shouldn’t be allowed to breed.  Sterilization seems like a great idea to me.  Any thoughts??

Scenes from a Waiting Room

Act I. (the elderly)
Old, musty ass wrinkled seniors wearing bad track suits, their lifeless, aged skin scarred with purple gum colored splotches hanging from their bones like loose sleeves,
a cell phone rings deep inside a purse underneath the dentures and coupons, by the time the old lady realized it was ringing, silence

Act II. (the soccer mom)
Frost dyed hair, way too tight Hollister shirt, tight faded jeans with pocket designs, elastic fake tits shaped into perfect round globes, husband at work banging his secretary who has even faker tits, but younger body
wife doesn’t care as long as she gets Starbucks 3 times daily,the phat mommy suburban with the cutesy family stickers on the back window showing how many people are in the family, the glowing quarter sized diamond earrings and the trips to Vail, easy to have no soul than to deal with reality

Act III. (the salesmen)
Bad cuff links that even gay dudes wouldn’t wear, fake ass smile accompanied by even faker greetings, slick gelled guido-like hair stuck to their scalps with paste, belts crushed by doughnut stomachs,
calling names like cattle and branding the innocents with fees

Act IV. (me)
Three freaking hours waiting for tires, brought a Bukowski book, could only imagine what he would have thought
I couldn’t stop staring, couldn’t finish reading, couldn’t play games on my cell phone, I just kept watching the train wreck evolve with every new person who came into the waiting room, no blood or body parts, crap.