Red, White and Boo (a poem)

I see your Katie Perry

And I raise you Beyonce.

What ever happened to real art, like the Fat Boys?

Now, just splendid drivel cascading from the youthful mouth

Texting, sexting, pursed lips and Jersey Shore dreams.

Find China on a map? Fuck You, I’m getting my nails done at 3.

Be careful young ones, the noodles and puppy nuggets are coming to a store near you.

I see your E Hollywood News

And raise you Dancing With the Stars.

Posting every mundane bit of your daily shit for all to see

Facebook, Twitter, MySpace your freaking life away

My eyes, dried and burnt from your “Do you like me?” poll.

Keep your pom poms clean and your cell phone charged.

I see your De-evolution

And go all in with your soul

Shouldn’t be difficult to call my bet

You are another failed demographic, another vapid target market.

Duh’Merica (a poem)

DUH’merica, what have you done?

While you parade the streets in gas guzzling suburbans, there are soldiers dying around the world trying to kill dark-skinned people after taking orders from fat, pasty-white politicians who only care about their offshore bank accounts.

DUH’merica, why don’t you care?

That our children have difficulty finding China on a map, but they can update their Facebook status perfectly while crossing a busy city street without getting splattered in traffic.

DUH’merica, why can’t you turn it off?

The Kardashians, TMZ, The Bachelor, American Idol, America’s Got Talent sift through the minds of our youth like a slow, neurotoxin eating them from the inside out. Continue reading

Butt Implants & Instagram

lilwaynenickiminajThe other day my 13 year-old daughter was showing me pictures on her Instagram of a girl who posted several before and after pictures of her new butt implants.

She is 14 years old.  Let me repeat that…………… a 14 year-old with butt implants.  Supposedly.

Now, at face value, I didn’t and don’t believe it.

Having three daughters, I can’t even fathom the thought of a parent giving permission for a 14 year-old to have any kind of cosmetic surgery.  I did a quick search online and I don’t even think it’s legal to have it done at that age.  I didn’t care to spend too much time researching, because I really don’t care.

But all that is beside the point.

A girl this age posting pictures of her fake butt implants on Instagram is such a sad commentary on today’s society.  Social media provides an avenue for people to satiate their constant need for attention, and that is not a good thing. Continue reading

Dear Chris Christie (letter from a Duh’Merican)

chris-christie-eating

(Thought I would re-post this given the current debacle he’s in.  I actually heard him say that he found out about everything after he finished “working out.”  Yeah right.)

Are you really going to be running for President in 2016?  Are you really going to be the face of the Republican Party?

Well, I guess you are a fairly accurate representation of the American people.  After all, I think it’s being reported that around 36% of all American adults aged 20 and over are considered obese.

Even after your lap-band surgery, you still appear to be almost morbidly obese.  But there is plenty of time for you to “de-supersize” yourself before you make a bid for the presidency.

I’m not sure what it says about a person who has to have a band surgically implanted around their stomach to curb their voracious appetite.  This apparent lack of self control makes me a bit worried about how you may behave yourself if elected President.

Forget about religion and gay marriage, let’s talk about GMO’s and large sodas.  Yippeeee.

Could you imagine the power you would have?  You could have sexy hookers feed you chicken wings while they dancing naked around your own personal “oral”, I mean oval office. Continue reading

My New Hero (Charles P. Pierce)

“Idiot America is a strange, disordered place.  Everything is on the wrong shelves.  The truth of something is defined by how many people will attest to it, and facts are defined by those people’s fervency.  Fiction and nonfiction are defined by how well they sell.  The best sellers are one shelf, check by jowl, whether what’s contained in them is true or not.  People wander blindly, following the Gut into dark corners and aisles that lead nowhere, confusing possibilities with threats, jumping at shadows, stumbling around.  They trip over piles of fiction left strewn around the floor of the nonfiction aisles.  They fall down.  They land on other people, and those other people can get hurt.” Charles P. Pierce from the book Idiot America

 

America

I have been searching for a while and finally found my new hero.  His name is Charles P. Pierce.  His book Idiot America is an absolute must read, absolute must read.

He is brilliant, but will never be as popular as Kim Kardashian or Miley Cyrus.  That is why I fear the battle may have already been lost.

Pierce is not sexy, he is not charismatic, he does not man-scape, he does not fake tan, he is not Hollywood in an way, shape or form.

Sadly, Pierce is just an incredibly gifted writer and communicator who understands the “big picture” of our culture and rips into that culture without regard for offense.

He researches and brings the truth to light.  But sadly, most of Idiot America could care less about the truth.  Idiot America wants TMZ, American Idol and wants to suck the Kardashian tit until the milk is gone.

That’s why China has already won.

Thank you Mr. Pierce for what you do, thank you.  I only hope more people will discover you.

MTV, Miley and Duh’Merica (the end is near)

Miley-Cyrus-performance-at-MTV-VMA-2013-2223057So the internet blew up the other day because of Miley Cyrus and her performance at the VMA awards and I’m left incredibly confused.

I watched her “performance” and I had difficulty finding anything artistic about it.  She can’t sing and she can’t dance.  Her tongue was hanging out of her mouth like a dog who has been wandering the desert for 10 years without water.

She appeared to me to be a lost soul doing everything she could to “shock” people.  And sadly, it worked.

Twitter nearly exploded as millions of thumbs tweeted and typed “OMG’s” about Miley’s ass shaking.  Each time she touched Robin Thicke’s dick with that foam finger, I wondered what good ole’ Billy Ray would have thought.

I think Billy Ray’s heart is definitely aching and breaking right now.  Could you imagine just losing your wife because she fucked Brett Michaels and then watching your daughter attempt to be a porn star on national television? Continue reading

China- Still Winning

reese-witherspoon-cancels-fallon-appearance-after-arrestI argue with people quite often about the current health of American Society.  And when I use the term “health”, I mean the current state of the American people as an educated society.

I poke fun at my country and often say that China is winning.  So today, I went to a website visited daily by millions of Americans just to keep up with current events.

According to TMZ, this is what Americans care about today:

Story 1- Reese Witherspoon’s infamous “you are going to know who I am,” moment.  Ah Reese, so nice to see you putting into practice all that legal knowledge from your Legally Blonde movies.

Apparently, millions of Americans care about a washed-up actress who thinks she’s better than all the sheep who watch her movies.  Your husband was drunk, shut the fuck up and obey the cop.  Newsflash- Georgia cops don’t give a fuck about Hollywood.

Story 2- “Teen Mom Farrah Working Another Pole”  HOLY FUCKING SHIT.  Here is a girl who was on television for breeding too early.  When her tiny pinch of fame began to dissipate, she decided to follow in the steps of Kim Kardashian and make a fuck movie.

BRILLIANT.  Hey America, all you have to do for fame is fuck somebody, video tape it and then pretend you had no idea your bleached asshole was on the internet.

Story 3- Only 3 Words Necessary– LINDSAY…..FUCKING….LOHAN.  I didn’t get past the headline, but I assume it has to do with court, drugs, lawyer and rehab.

In the interest of time, I’m going to stop there because the next stories are essentially a regurgitation of the first ones.  Only the names are different.

So America, don’t bitch when China takes over and we are eating fried golden retriever puppy nuggets, taking rickshaws to work at a factory making cheap, plastic toys for Wal Mart.

I warned you.  China is still winning.