STOP F***ing praying

prayerPlease, I implore you….. please stop praying.  If you haven’t noticed, it aint fucking working.

“God works in mysterious ways.” 

Wow, he certainly does. So far his mysterious ways should lead any coherent person to ask God the following:

“Just what the fuck are you waiting on.  I mean shit, we’ve been praying our asses off and you just seem to be napping.  Oh, I’m sorry father, I have faith in you.  I shouldn’t question your omniscient graceful hand.”

With each new mass killing of innocent people; the prayers ramp up, the social media profile pictures change and people everywhere blabber about change.

But guess what?  Nothing…… fucking……changes.  Your prayers are only useful for helping you feel better about yourself.  Prayer does nothing tangible.  It never has and it never will.

As long as people continue to be less educated, less informed and angry, none of this shit will change.

But don’t worry, Tim Tebow and Scott Baio will be speaking at the Republican National Convention……….. all of our troubles will be solved.

Jesus Went to Supercuts

photo-15So, a nice old Jehovah woman rang my doorbell today and handed me the above pamphlet.  She was not pushy at all, but rather just invited me to come get all my questions answered about Jesus. She didn’t even give me any Watchtower hand-outs, I was shocked. I thanked her and closed the door.

Of course most people find Jehovah Witnesses incredibly annoying and I generally find myself feeling that way too.  But after looking at this beautiful depiction of Jesus, I began to think about Jehovahs in a different light. Continue reading

eat, shit, breed, repeat………….

maxresdefaultWe humans are all animals, there’s no getting around that fact.  We eat, shit, breed and repeat.  Just like dogs, cats, birds, worms, etc.

But damn, we humans have such a high fucking opinion of ourselves.  We are the center of our universe.  We are so intellectually evolved.  We build pretty, shiny, big things.  We read, we write, we communicate so eloquently.

But, we still eat, shit, breed and repeat.

The most genius minds on this planet still pull down their pants each day, sit on a porcelain toilet and evacuate their bowels.  Just like a dog shitting in your yard.  The shit is no different.

We strut around our planet like we are the fucking kings.  Just like all those who were here before us.  All those who we now make fun of for believing that the Earth was flat.   But, alas, we are smarter than them.  We are so much better than them.

But, we still eat, shit, breed and repeat………. just like they did.

 

 

 

 

God in Schools (the end is near)

letter-from-godIn traffic today I saw this bumper sticker:

“Dear God, Why do you let bad things happen in schools?” “Dear Son, I’m not allowed in schools.”

I almost crashed into the back of the car when I read this.  This is the kind of unintelligent, undynamic,  and unoriginal thought that has been and continues to ruin this country.

(Yes, I am aware that undynamic is probably not a word, but I like it)

Maybe I’m the idiot here, maybe I’m the dolt, the blockhead, the bonehead, the meathead, the lunk………..well, you get the idea.

I fail to see any logic with that bumper sticker.  I fail to see any logic at all.

I’m guessing that if kids in school prayed more there would be less teachers sending them texts of their cocks, tits and fucking them in detention.  And I mean true “fucking” in the sexual sense, not “fucking” them as in fucking them out of a decent education. Continue reading

Dooky Jesus

I saw an image yesterday
and it was Jesus

I kid you not
I had eaten at Taco Bell again
my stomach was tangled in a billion groaning knots

I sat down
On my lush porcelain seat
With the calm water below

One King Kong push, I wiped the sweat from my brow
I looked down like I always do
And there he was,
Crown of thorns and all
Swimming peacefully underneath

I jumped to get my camera, forgetting to wipe
When I got back
He was gone,
just like that

So I flushed

He let me down again

Religion Lost

I feel as if I am always “forthcoming
a work in progress
a discoverer of

nothing quite important enough
to classify my being

I tried
but I choked on the communion
that stale wafer clamored down my throat like a Slinky on stairs
I remember that commercial

But at least
the Slinky fits in my hand
And I know it is real.

Defending Your Beliefs

UnknownI saw this at the grocery store the other day and yes, it made me think.  I know I should just ignore the Duck family, but I just can’t.  The way people react to them is amazing to me.

I absolutely support the right for every American to believe in whatever they want.  I think that’s one beautiful aspect of being an American.

“You’ve gotta respect everyone’s beliefs.” No, you don’t. That’s what gets us in trouble. Look, you have to acknowledge everyone’s beliefs, and then you have to reserve the right to go: “That is fucking stupid. Are you kidding me?” I acknowledge that you believe that, that’s great, but I’m not going to respect it. I have an uncle that believes he saw Sasquatch. We do not believe him, nor do we respect him!” Patton Oswalt

But with that freedom also comes the freedom for people to comment on others beliefs.If you hold a belief that is controversial in any way, you should be prepared for others to comment about your belief.

Especially if you are a public figure capitalizing on your image and your beliefs.

Especially if you hold a belief that is rooted in the Old Testament of the Bible.

With the constant pressure of political correctness, we often lose sight of what is real and what is fantasy due to a fear of offending others.

I’m beginning to agree somewhat with Patton Oswalt’s quote above.  What happens when a person’s beliefs are absolutely asinine or wholly unbelievable? Continue reading