what DUH’Merica deserves (no surprises)

(I wrote this during the primary, I feel like it’s spot on and relevant)

Hey Duh’Merica, stop all your damn whining about the Republican candidates.  Just…..fucking…..stop.  This is exactly what you deserve.

TEd-Cruz-ClownThe debates are an absolute circus, the size of which even P.T. Barnum couldn’t ever have imagined.  And the candidates are the clowns that even Bozo would have been proud of.

How can you (Duh’Merica) vote for any of these Bozo’s??

Cruz– he comes off as such a sanctimonious asshole.  He wants more God, doesn’t believe in evolution and thinks gay people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because of Leviticus.donald-trump-caricature

Rubio– never trust anyone from Miami, EVER.  Just like Cruz, he panders to the religious because they are the easiest demographic to fool.

Trump– just an arrogant opportunist who gives bigots a reason to believe their idiocy is acceptable.

Hey Duh’Merica, you get exactly what you deserve.  It’s your fault that the Republican candidates are the white trash version of Cirque du Soleil.

This is what happens when you make millionaires of Kardashians, can’t put down your cellphones and have the attention spans of a 2 year-old.  Maybe do some research and check a fact once in a while.

Stop your fucking whining….. this is exactly what you wanted.  You just haven’t realized it yet.

 

Politicians (dropping your cell phone in the toilet)

phone

(I originally wrote this before the election, still seems relevant and accurate)

As I watch the current politicians all jockeying to fuck Duh’Merica in the ass with no lube, I can’t help but think of something disgusting to compare them to.

They all remind me of a different version of dropping my cell phone in the toilet.

Trump- The phone sinks all the way to the bottom, bouncing off the floater turds, crashing through the loose stool, breaking the bowl because he knows he can buy a new one.

HillaryClintonHillary– The phone does two circles around the bowl; you try to grab it and miss, it circles the bowl again and you still can’t grab it.  Then you realize the phone is actually in a second, private toilet in another room with it’s own private, non-government sanctioned bathroom.

Bernie– The phone yells back at you from under the excrement and it makes you feel horrible for even owning a cell phone.  You fish it out, cut it into several pieces and mail the pieces to those who can’t afford their own cell phone.

Cruz- the phone drops right into the middle of your shit and turns around until all sides are covered.  You fish it out, wash it off judiciously, but it never quite comes clean and leaves a horribly smelly film for the rest of eternity.

Carson- right after it drops into the bowl, you pray as hard as you can and it miraculously jumps out of the toilet, hits you in the forehead and forces you to finally “see the light.”

Rubio- it never actually sinks, just floats around like a raft, dodging the turds like his ancestors dodging sharks in the Florida Straits on their way to America.  (yeah, I know that’s pretty bad)

Trump replies to a hipster

Dear Hipster Schmuck, Believe it or not, I did read your letter. Well, I had someone read it to me. And I have a few things to tell you. Thanks for not voting for me. I didn’t need your sorry, smelly Hipster vote. You are exactly what’s wrong with this country. You are a perfect […]

via Trump replies to a hipster — HipsterStories

Pretty Stupid Girls (by Misti Rainwater-Lites)

Misti-rainwater-lites-180(I’m a big fan of writer Misti Rainwater-Lites.  For me, this poem sums up Duh’Merica perfectly.)

This poem is timeless and one that can be read 100 years from now and still be applicable to American Society.

This poem is absolutely, fucking perfect.

I found this on: Poem of the Week September 19th 2005

Pretty Stupid Girls by Misti Rainwater-Lites

pretty stupid girls
chewing Dentyne Ice
and chatting on their cell phones
as Vietnamese ladies
polish their toenails
pretty stupid girls
showing off cleavage and fake tans
in bra tops from Victoria’s Secret
gossiping about Kevin and Britney
wanting to be Paris and Nicole
pretty stupid girls
getting sloshed in clubs
that blast stupid songs
going home with
pretty stupid boys
proving to the world
that Americans
pretty much
suck

 

Politicians are like…………..

(I think our latest elections lends some credibility to my theory)

Politicians are like bedazzlers; they decorate the public with bits of shiny shit that makes us stare in awe and belief.

Then, after elected, all the shiny shit falls off and we the people are left to sweep up the trash.  If not satisfied we can return the bedazzler, but they will only send us another one with the same decorations.

Moral of the story:  wake up people, vote for intelligence, vote for common sense, stop being fooled by the fancy, shiny shit.

what if Obama…….

(I originally posted this back in July, I feel it is still relevant and accurate)

I saw this on twitter posted by @Allen_Clifton:

Imagine what Republicans would have said if Barack Obama featured his 5 kids from 3 different women at his convention in 2008.

HOLY……FUCKING……SHIT

White_9d8abc_718283Rush Limbaugh would have eaten his own asshole from the inside out.  Fox News would have squawked about the breakdown of the nuclear family and so on and so on.

Pasty white evangelicals from across the country would be damning him to eternal hell…… eternal, fucking, hell.

His character would be called into question, his morals questioned and he would no doubt be mercilessly vilified.

But when Donald Trump did this and the recent Republican National Convention …… absolute fucking crickets.  No one said a damn word.  America, we have a problem here.

And to top it off, Trump’s running mate Mike Pence practically lives inside the Old Testament.  He must have cringed when he realized what a sinner Trump is.  Oh, but hold on a minute, money and power trumps (pun intended) the good word of the Bible.

Well done Duh’Merica, you’ve done it again.  China is ever so close to ingesting us.

(for the record, I don’t support either party)

Trump is brilliant(read entire post)

trumpnoseDonald Trump truly is brilliant.  Although the level of brilliance necessary to fool Duh’Merica isn’t exactly very high.

I think it’s safe now for everyone to realize and admit that Trump is indeed a true politician.  During his campaign, he claimed to be a political outsider and someone who will “drain the swamp” of D.C. insiders.

And his first order of business after winning the election would be to go after Hilary.

His inbred followers nearly jizzed in their pants when he said those things.  I mean it was like he offered unlimited Mountain Dew and 100 free trips to Golden Corral for all his Trumpers if they voted for him.

But alas, almost everything he said he was going to do………….. wait for it…………… ISN’T GOING TO FUCKING HAPPEN.

So after all you dumb-fucks voted for him, guess what?????

  • He said he will not pursue any charges against Hilary- OOPS, so much disappointment. 
  • He even admitted that there may be a connection between humans and global warming- OOPS, he previously pretended that global warming was invented by China.
  • He declared he would abolish Obama Care. OOPS- he now states that many parts of the plan will be kept.
  • All the people on his transition team and all the people he’s interviewing for cabinet positions are either lobbyists or career politicians. OOPS- so much for “draining that swamp.”

The only swamp he drained was the vacant one between the ears of all those who voted for him.  Thanks a lot Duh’Merica.  Donald Trump was brilliant without even having to break a sweat.

Duh’Merica was more than ready to believe Trump and believe and share all those fake internet “news” stories quicker than you could run to your local tanning beds.

Trump supporters- what say you about your President-Elect now?  How can you justify his lies????

Here’s your answer- he’s nothing more than a FUCKING Politician.  They are all the same.  Wake the fuck up Duh’Merica……….. never mind, it’s too late.