Douche Bag Gym

(I used to work out in a local gym and that is where the inspiration came from for this post.)

Hey 20 year-old bench press guy… thanks so much for grunting so loud that everyone in the place thought you were passing several golf ball sized kidney stones.

We were all wondering if you would get that last rep.  And by the way, when you are laying on the bench, make sure you put your dick to the side instead of it standing straight up like a mini-sprinkler.  Unless of course that’s your best pick up move.

Hey “I’m a Cougar Hear Me Roar” Mom… doing lunges across the middle of the gym.

I know, your husband is most likely fucking his much younger, much hotter than you secretary and it’s time for you tone up that ass.

And what’s the deal with the fully done “it must be ladies night” makeup and perfume you are wearing. 

Come on now, stop trying to fill your desperate need for attention with the 20 year-old bench presser above.

All he’s going to do is push your face in the pillow and fuck you very awkwardly.  He doesn’t care that you are experienced.  He just wants a story to tell his boys later at the bar.

Hey Mr. Abs of Steel guy… doing all the crunches in the corner…. You know, your abs are impressive and you should be proud of them, but do you really have to stand in front of the mirror after every set, pull up your shirt and stare at them? 

Being proud and being a bragging asshole are two very different things.  Myself, I’m quite the eater, but you don’t see me going to the local Chinese buffet and counting my used plates in front of the all the other fat asses.

How about showing some fucking class dickhead.

Hey older than hell guy on the treadmill… Although you can’t hear it yourself, everyone around you can hear your ass leaking with each stride you take.

And stop staring at all the young, hot pieces of ass on the StairMaster.  They think you are creepy.

And did I mention that your ass is leaking out loud????

Hey local gym….. thanks for providing me with so much entertainment.  I hope I’m the only one watching and writing about this on a blog.

I can only imagine what someone might be writing about me.  HA.

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14 thoughts on “Douche Bag Gym

  1. Here’s what I imagine in return;

    Bench press grunter : “Hey *ngff* babe, *ngff* did ya see that *ngff* biker looking *ngff* dude checking *ngff* out my *ngff* cock?

    Roaring Cougar: (whilst receiving extra attention does her lunges bent forward more to show off big ass more) Actually, I think.he was perving on that guys abs, he seemed to stare with a look in his eye.

    Rediculous Abed guy: hey man, no way, he was perving with the old dude at all the hot chicks that were working out.

    Old stinker: Don’t get smart with me ya punk. Though, I think he farted as he walked past me…

    Local gym:

  2. I work in a gym, fortunately (yet unfortunately, in the kids area) your post is 100% accurate and made me laugh until I was in tears. At 11:30 a.m. every day our conversation goes from G rated to XXX rated, hey most of the kids don’t understand, right? Anyway, I read your entry out loud to my coworkers and they were all cracking up as well. Thank you very much for the entertaining posts and daily humor. We (because they’re all hooked now) look forward to the “unsugarcoated” (Thats a word now) blog posts!

    Cheers!

    • Thanks so much for reading and commenting, I truly appreciate it. Makes me happy that you and your friends enjoyed it and validate my observations. I could write an entire book from my view on the treadmill. The gym cracks me up, I can’t believe you can handle working at one.

  3. Pingback: Observations from a Treadmill- the trainers « the sandy tongue

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