So, a nice old Jehovah woman rang my doorbell today and handed me the above pamphlet. She was not pushy at all, but rather just invited me to come get all my questions answered about Jesus. She didn’t even give me any Watchtower hand-outs, I was shocked. I thanked her and closed the door.
Of course most people find Jehovah Witnesses incredibly annoying and I generally find myself feeling that way too. But after looking at this beautiful depiction of Jesus, I began to think about Jehovahs in a different light.
Apparently, they have become marketing geniuses. I mean holy shit, check out Rico Suave Jesus in the picture above. His beard is trimmed, his hair is cut in a nice 1982 type of style that nearly every white-bred human could appreciate. He looks like he just had a cut and shampoo at Supercuts.
He’s reaching his hand out towards the reader as if to say, “Hey brother, I died for your sins. Look how non-threatening and clean I appear. I would never steal from you. I would never hurt you in any way, unless of course you are a homosexual, then you should really fuck off. I am your savior.”
(please note; this is not an actual historic quote from Jesus, this is just sarcasm and hyperbole.)
I have to give the Jehovah’s credit here. Job well done on re-marketing Jesus. But the whole problem is that the bull shit you are selling is just that, BULL SHIT.
You can make Jesus as pure-white-bred as you want, but it doesn’t erase the fact that religion is pretty much bull shit. I would rather Jesus look like Old Dirty Bastard, at least that way he would be interesting.