A Fear of Public Toilets

“I’ve always thought that the stereotype of the dirty old man is really the creation of a dirty young man who wants the field to himself.” Hugh Downs

When I was a little kid from about the ages of 6-10, my dad used to take me to Tampa Bay Bucs football games.

I loved football and it was great father/son bonding, but this is where my fear of public bathrooms originated.

I will never forget having to pee, I mean I was a little kid and probably pissed quite a bit.  My dad would walk with me into the bathroom and as I walked in the door a giant, aluminum trough was staring back at me.

There were no urinals on the wall with nice privacy dividers.  There was only the enormous trough up against the wall packed with several men standing shoulder to shoulder in various stages of alcoholic inebriation. 

You have to remember that Tampa is very hot during the beginning of football season and 95 degree temperatures, mixed with angry drunks makes for some very nasty piss.

I walked up to the far left side of the trough which was somewhat lower than the right side (I’m guessing for drainage purposes) and pulled out my little kid dick to pee.

It was at that moment when I felt the faint splash of “drunk-loud-asshole-NFL fan” hitting me on the side of the face.  All I remember is cursing, splashing, cursing and looking down at the shredded urinal cakes and cigarette butts floating towards me.

I remember wanting my mommy to rescue me, but I “manned” up and put my little dick back into my pants, wiped my cheek and went back to watch the rest of the game.

So that’s where my fear of public bathrooms originated.  For a few years, I thought I had overcome my fear until I was peeped on twice while taking a shit.

Once was at a Publix, they always have clean bathrooms, and the other was at my local mall.  Both peepers were dirty, old men.  I of course yelled loudly at them and they ran.

I will never understand why public bathrooms are so damn disgusting.

Why are there always nasty, old men loitering around public bathrooms looking for some young guy ass?

Why do rest area restrooms always seem like a Craig’s List man orgy meet?

Why don’t people wash their hands when after using public bathrooms?  That always kills me.

That’s all for now, I had a feeling you were all wondering about why I’m scared of public restrooms.  Just a little snippet into complicated, confused brain.

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4 thoughts on “A Fear of Public Toilets

  1. Men’s rooms are nothing compared to women’s rooms when alcohol is involved. I learnt this in my floor managers position in my nightclub days.

    Out if curiousity, do you have a fear of urinating on trees and shrubs whilst outdoors also or just restrained to public restrooms?

  2. @john: I can piss anywhere outside. I think it’s the confined spaces that scare me the most. I’m scared to see a therapist because I might find out that something bad happened to me when I was a kid.

    @pigeon: I hear you, almost as bad as a construction site port-o-let

  3. Pingback: Kreativ Blogger Award « the sandy tongue

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