Scared

A while ago I was at a hotel in Jacksonville, Fl for my job, a job I fucking hate. I work so I can pay child support in order to do the right thing. I do love my kids, but 60% of my income isn’t quite fair. The circumstances are long, drawn out, complicated and all the shit nobody really wants to hear about.

BALLS

I do wish I could grow bigger balls, big fucking donkey balls and scream “fuck the world, fuck you job, fuck you bosses,” just a guttural fuck off to everyone and everything that pisses me off.

But unfortunately, there’s something implanted in my brain that stops me from such spontaneity and downright irresponsibility, stops me from picking up the crack whore on the corner, stops me from ingesting meth, stops me at beer 6, stops me from cheating on my wife, stops me from slapping the fuck out of people when they really deserve it, stops me from trying to fly from every bridge I cross and keeps me only smoking pot occasionally.

I curse my parents for the genetics that made me scared to fuck up, scared to take chances, scared to find a realness in the world, instead I keep punching clocks like the trained monkey I’ve become, I keep accepting checks, I keep saying “yes sir”, “no sir” to the very people I despise.

And then I thank my parents for raising me like a pussy, they did a good job, I’m 6 feet tall, 250lbs, bald with a huge goatee, people are terrified of me, little do people know that my hymen is still waiting to be slashed open so that I can for once experience life.

Advertisements

14 thoughts on “Scared

  1. You are a true fucking artist, this fact I CLEARLY see. Of course what do I know since I’ve accomplished nothing in life accept contracting an incurable blood disease that is (practically) harder to contract than the common STD. Oh, and I’ve even failed at attempting to end my own life twice, LOL! LOLOL, I’m way past that phase though. LOOK, you don’t need me to tell you this – but your a fucking helluva fighter who realizes nothing is free. So you CHOOSE to do the right thing BECAUSE you know it’s the SMARTER decision that will perpetually reward you when you least see it coming. The child support will end someday (I know, easier said than waited for), your fucking literary talents surpass far above the average percentile in this country because you are REAL, you don’t conform ‘just because’ and you’re not at all worried about being vulnerable. SO! are you serious about writing books? I’m asking you this because I see something that can become greater than anything you or I could ever post on a blog. I’m broke, unemployed, and I refuse to work anywhere, anymore, that is AT ISSUE with hiring an openly gay man; especially one who is also HIV+. There’s a lot of shit I don’t put up with anymore and I pay a heavy price daily. Think about it. I’ve got a lot of shit to put on paper. When the time is right, think about it even more. I like your style. If you’ve got what it takes to get a book published, let’s talk sometime.

  2. James- you are too kind. I will email you sometime soon, I have lots of stories to share and it sounds like you do too.

    mrmary- thanks, I appreciate it. 100% honest, that’s all I know. Thanks so much for your support.

  3. Pingback: Recommending a Post on TheSandyTongue! « A Spoonful of Suga

  4. @emilyhe: thanks, I appreciate it. I think my brain could very well be firm.

    @mrtinney: thanks, I appreciate it and very happy you found my post from MrMary.

    • It’s nice to see all three of you guys here 🙂 Big sex Emily and Mr Tinney. Sandy I think you need to change your page now and and introduce yourself as Big Sexy the guy behind the Sandy tongue women and cats will love it, either way you’ll score big with the pussy 🙂

  5. You know, before I actually had to pay child support it used to piss me off about dads who didn’t pay it. Then I got divorced and was ordered to pay half of my income to an ingrateful and vengeful bitch. Then I understood why some guys don’t pay it.

    It’s fucking unfair as all get out.

    There was no way I could afford to get my own place, let alone a place where my kids could have their own room. But I paid it and eventually was able to take her back to court and get it cancelled. She even owes me back child support because she’s an idiot and didn’t use the money I paid her for what she was supposed to.

    The system seriously favors moms in most states. Luckily, Kentucky (where I live, duh) is a state that tries to make things even and is a pro-dad state. If I lived a few miles north in Ohio I’d be fucked.

    • I was divorced in Georgia and then later had it modified in Florida, both terrible dad states. The system is ridiculous. I have no problem supporting my kids, that’s my obligation and I’ve always done that. But it’s difficult when I pay the support I do and my ex lives with her parents, collects welfare, doesn’t work and has no motivation to work. I’m one of the few good dads, but that doesn’t mean much in Florida.

  6. I LOVE THIS POST! It’s literally like you opened my head and conveyed everything I feel and deal with. With the exception of being a tall bald man with a goat t paying child support. Just the idea of being mad at yourself for being scared. Something good will happen, I don’t know what but it has to before I explode and loose my shit.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s