Dear Mr. Xanax (jude relaxes)

A hipster takes Xanax


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Dear Mr. Xanax,

Thank you so much for finally making your way into my bloodstream. I never realized the depth of your powers until now.

As you know, I am a hipster and I deal with hipster racism every day which causes me a ton of stress.  But I’ve always been too scared of doctors.

Needles scare me. Blood tests scare me. A doctor’s old, frigid hand checking me for a hernia scares me. But, I did it anyway. After all these years, I did it. I made the appointment and put on the gown. After the whole billy emo situation, I had to.

I sat on the sterile, paper covered table and spoke freely about my symptoms. I let it all out. The mean note, the infiltration of billy emo, finding out about Clemmy dating billy emo, the emo posters at Randall’s,

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