The A-Hole Bachelor (my version)

bachelorIt’s difficult for me to admit, but I watched the Bachelor last night.  I really just wanted to confirm that the show is a collagen-filled parade of insecure fame hunters.

While confirming the above, I had an incredibly creative vision.

A new show called, The Asshole-Bachelor should be created.  Everything would be exactly the same as the current show except the Asshole-Bachelor would have to be 100% honest at all times.

The Asshole-Bachelor would say things like this:

  • Well fuck no you aren’t getting a rose.  Seriously, did you think that crying about being dumped a while ago was going to get you a flower?  And additionally, your face looks like you’ve been chewing on wrenches.  Fuck off and stop crying.
  • (To the African-American contestant) I’m only giving you this rose because the producers said we had to have a black woman make it until at least week 3.  You are very nice though.  Cheers
  • Whoever figures out how to lick my balls the best, gets to go on the next date.
  • I love my son, now fuck me hard.
  • True love awaits you………….. in the hot tub
  • I haven’t brushed my teeth in three days, so when you start sucking on my tongue and catch a whiff of hot-garbage, that’s just contestant number 2’s pussy you smell
  • I know, I know, isn’t anal bleaching just the best
  • So you didn’t get a rose, who cares.  You can always video yourself fucking a rapper and fame is sure to follow.

I think HBO could have fun with this one. My version would be so much more fun and entertaining.

If my version of the Bachelor shows up one day on some vague cable network, I will be getting a lawyer.

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