John Travolta and the Creepy Van

(I wrote this years ago before any of this “gay” rumor shit was in the news.  And by the way, who gives a fuck if Travolta likes to give rim jobs to hot, male masseurs?)

Am I the only person around who thinks John Travolta is just a bit too creepy and might be that guy you see driving a weird, old van in your neighborhood right after school lets out?

I’m not even talking about the whole Scientology aspect either.  His smile is just a little bit “off” for me.

When I see him on television doing an interview he kind of looks like that guy who drives the old, decrepit van with the tinted bubble window on the back offering kids in your neighborhood candy.

You know the van I’m talking about, the one with the airbrushed wizard mural on the side.  It was the type of van your mother told you to stay away from.

The van that was always circling the elementary school playground, the van with the mini air conditioner unit in the back window speeding away from playgrounds like a convict was driving.

Then, on the rare occasion that the van actually parked somewhere, the guy getting out had bad, green prison tattoos and that crazy Travolta-like smile.

That smile that someone only has when they have one hand down their pants and are alone on their couch watching a neighbor sunbathing.   That smile.

Sometimes I wonder if he’s actually a real person at all.  He kind of looks like a wax museum figurine that’s been suddenly plugged in and sent scuttling down the red carpet.

Hollywood’s special effects are so good, the at home viewer would probably never know anyhow. 

Some cultures even claim that our Hollywood is so advanced that we can fake war atrocities to gather evidence for war.  So, surely a fake Travolta is quite plausible.  After all, there was a period of many years when he disappeared entirely from public view, and then, thanks to Quentin Tarantino, he became relevant again.

If you would like to challenge my assertion that he’s too creepy all you need to remember are these movies; “Saturday Night Fever,” and “Michael.”  Travolta with angel’s wings, that’s creepier than Billy Ray Cyrus spawning a child with talent.

Maybe Travolta will follow in the footsteps of his mentor L. Ron Hubbard and disappear into oblivion.  Or maybe he will one day surface in one of “those” vans near your child’s playground.

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One thought on “John Travolta and the Creepy Van

  1. Pingback: What is Happening to my Blog?????? « the sandy tongue

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