The First Jerk (becoming a man)

1025Left school, rode my bike fast as shit
Didn’t even stop at 7-11 for candy, ditched my friends, said I had a stomach ache
Mom and dad still at work, house is all mine

Right to the bathroom, door locked, double and then triple checked to make sure
Turned the fan and the water on, don’t want to be too loud
Pulled down my pants and there it was
It was at least 4 inches thick, just sitting there, teasing me

I grabbed it and turned right to the middle section
There they were, all smiling at me invitingly
Some facing forward, some turned to the side with a “come hither” look
All wearing lace bras in beige, pearl white or black,
with the extra wide straps that were popular in the 80’s

I swear they were talking to me,
“Hi there cutie.  Could you help me this clasp?  Don’t be nervous, it only takes a second to undo,” they would say.

I turned the page to heaven, my girls were now even more daring,
Slipping into garters and lingerie, one touching the leg of the other, just above the knee

I’m almost there, strictly dry shaft, I didn’t even know about lotions when I was 12
I just went right for it, my hands were smoother back then

I closed my eyes and envisioned the models kissing and touching each other in naughty places,
Shit, that feeling was amazing
I was there, heart pounding, ripping through my chest
I opened my eyes and holy-fucking-shit
Cum all over my hand, shot all the way to the cabinet door below the sink
Dripping down towards the floor like thick, slow rain

Before that day, it only felt glorious, nothing wet ever came out
But that day, with help from the JC Penny catalogue, I became a man

A couple weeks later, Elle McPherson arrived on the cover of my dad’s Sports Illustrated
She whispered in my ear for the next year of my life
What a wonderful year that was
Becoming a man kicked ass.

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12 thoughts on “The First Jerk (becoming a man)

  1. You really set me up! I thought it was a Playboy or Penthouse for sure!
    Thanks for bringing to the party. The guests will start arriving and there will be all kinds of new bloggers to meet!

  2. Remember the J.C. Penny catalog. Men always remember their first times. Ya know, alone, with that special girl and that kind of strange one you ran into while wearing beer goggles.

  3. LMAO! So glad you left this link over at Susie’s party. This kind of writing always tickles me in just the right place. Thanks for sharing. (Oddly enough, many a guy friend has shared similar stories with me over the years.)

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