Church Signs & Oral Sex

“They stand best, who kneel most.” 


stupid-church-signI saw this on a sign in front of a church the other day while traveling for work.

I’m guessing that this particular church was going for a quote about praying, hence the kneeling reference. 

But, my immediate thoughts revolved around oral sex and more specifically, blowjobs.

If the quote is indeed to be homage to people who pray, I’m having trouble grasping the logic behind it.  So, the more someone kneels on the ground praying, the better they stand? 

I’m not a doctor, but I don’t think frequent kneeling is conducive to good posture.  So by my logic, those who kneel too much will probably not be able to stand very well at all.

I’m very afraid that “Frequent Kneelers” may end up with horribly bad posture and terrible back problems.  How could a church promote such actions that would be a detriment to the health of their worshipers?


Because churches are meant to help people, I automatically assumed that the sign with the quote, “They stand best, who kneel most,” was surely referencing blowjobs.

After all, blowjobs are usually very healthy and positive for people.  Generally, blowjobs will make the receiver feel extremely gratified and the blower will normally be left feeling almost spiritual after satisfying their partner.

Another huge positive element about blowjobs is that a woman cannot get pregnant from one.  Pregnancy is normally caused by butt sex.

Now, there are occasions when the blowjob could become unpleasant.  There can be choking hazards, cleanup issues and semen may possible enter the eye area.  If one doesn’t clean semen from the eye, there could be major problems.

So in conclusion, although I’m an atheist, I would like to commend this church for encouraging their worshipers to partake in more oral sex.  Just when I thought churches were regressing intellectually I come across a wonderfully progressive one.






2 thoughts on “Church Signs & Oral Sex

  1. I feel so wrong for laughing at this, on more levels than one, but the truth is I was cracking up. The bit about bad posture killed me. Although I have never felt quite “spiritual” about blow jobs, my mind goes there too if I hear anything regarding “on your knees”. My mind never really seems to make it out I the gutter.

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