“Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter could be said to remedy anything.” Kurt Vonnegut
I realized the other night just how much my life has changed in the past few years.
I’ve always been a sports fan and the College Football National Championship was on the other night.
But after about five minutes I realized that my wife and three daughters had coaxed me into watching the Bachelor premiere.
So, instead of watching sports, I was suddenly playing a game of “pick which hooker we want to get the rose.” It was at this point that I realized my life had drastically changed.
In the past, I would have probably been at a sports bar, drinking beer and yelling at someone on the television for fumbling. Now though, I was snacking on carrots, drinking water and laughing at that one crazy bitch who lost her shit and started crying because she couldn’t get any alone time with Juan Pablo.
Wow, I did have a vasectomy a while ago and I had to look quickly to make sure they didn’t accidentally snip off my balls during the procedure. No worries, they are still attached.
In a last ditch attempt at retrieving my manhood, I was hoping my son would maybe want to watch the game with me in another room. I looked around and found him sitting at our computer, head phones on and playing Minecraft.
I didn’t even bother to ask him. I would never want to disturb my son while he’s building fake landscapes.
Oh well, maybe I will find some new testosterone on Sunday when the NFL playoffs are on. I’m feeling the need to drink too much with a bar full of strangers and yell at some teams I don’t care about.
It’s amazing how quickly life changes.
P.S.-I love my wife and children and I am extremely happy.