Hashtagging My Life Away

hashtagWhile on twitter the other day I began to wonder what my life has become.

I’m a fairly large-sized man. I’m 5’11”, 235 pounds, work out a lot and I’m fairly intimidating looking.

My bald head and goatee generally give people the impression that I ride a Harley.

(in reality, I’m terrified of motorcycles and can barely drive a stick shift)

Well, fairly intimidating until I realized how often I “hashtag” things on twitter;  #gay #thebachelor #poetry #honeybooboo #housewivesofbeverlyhills, etc.

I actually had to look down below my belly button to make sure I still had my testicles.

They were there, but they do look much more wrinkled than usual and seem to be hanging lower than I remembered. #oldmanballs #uncomfortablegymshower

I wake up every day and think about how amazing technology is now as compared to when I was growing up. #soundinglikemyparents #discoveringemail

I mean shit, the world is sitting inside my laptop on a continuous loop.  All I have to do is open it and watch the daily parade of mind numbing headlines crawling into my brain. #lazyamerican

I used to laugh at my children with their incessant need for social media and here I am following suit. #instagraming #snapchatting #facebooking #tumbling

I now wonder what my life will be 10 years from now.  I can only fucking imagine. #jetsons #flyingcars #cloningmyself

Hello, my name is Duh’Merican and I have a problem- I’m HASHTAGGING MY LIFE AWAY.  Please help.


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