Rednecks Don’t Need Spell Check

(I’m not sure why, but this post gets the most views of anything I’ve written.  Apparently, rednecks are polarizing.)

“No one has anythang agenst rednecks” Chris from Independence High

 

(I used to run a website where I made fun of people who posted stupid shit on Facebook.  This was one of my posts about rednecks.)

One group of people who always help me feel intelligent is “Rednecks.”

I absolutely love the fact that they jack off on their bibles, wear camouflage, hate all non-white people, hate northerners for no reason, use the word nigger, hate gay people, fuck their sisters/cousins/aunts/uncles, go mudding, hunt anything with a pulse and bitch and complain all the time about Hispanics taking their jobs.

Rednecks are the best.  Society always needs a continuous stream of racist, sister fuckers with non-chlorinated gene pools to keep the white race alive.  Sometimes, I am so proud to be white (sarcasm).

Please do not get confused between “Rednecks” and “Country People”.   There are actually many good country folk out there and those are not the people I am speaking about here.

But, for the love of God, Allah, Buddha and Krishna, WHY CAN’T REDNECKS USE SPELL CHECK???  I just do not get it.  The following posts are from Redneck Groups on Facebook.  Just read and enjoy.   And remember, this is real; I could not make this shit up.

From the group “Rednecks Are Us”

“if there is nowhere else you would rather be besides out in the boondocks with good buddies, cold beer, fishing poles, or loaded rifles then you are a friend of mine! if you have ever killed a deer, caught a fish, gone boozing and cruising, dipped snuff, crave beer at all times, wear camoflauge more often than anything else, gone mudding, shot a deer from a moving vehicle, own a 4×4, have an assorted collection of weaponery, got hours of enjoyment from watching bugs get zapped in a bug zapper, ever worn boots with shorts, love the smell of gasoline, get horny when stepping into bass pro shop, have ever been guilty of stealing merchandise from academy, would defend this great country at all costs, favorite t shirt has no sleeves, feel out of place if your not in the southern part of the us, own a rebel flag, dixie is on your mind, and all around feel at home in gods great outdoors then yes this is the group for you.”  (There are so many kick-ass stereotypes in that paragraph, no comment is necessary)

Teresa from North Carolina wrote:

“rednecks ain’t no gayer than you are so don’t hate on us” (Thanks Teresa, so does that mean Rednecks are actually gay???)

Adam wrote:
fuck rascal fags…i mean flatts! how bout some justin moore! and dude that thinks rednecks r gay why dnt u bring ur ass to arkansas and find out what a redneck ass whoopin feels like! (rascal fags, how original and thanks Adam for being ready to give someone a “whoopin”, you rock)

Dillion wrote:
hell yes im a redneck
i fly the rebel flag proudly on my wheeler
i love muddin nothin else in the world like it
fuckin jack daniels was the best inviention this world has
and i cant spell worth a dam
wanna know more add me
(Wow Dillion, you do understand that Jack Daniels is a drink and you can’t fuck it, right? Nice spelling too)

Michelle wrote:  Hell ya im redneck chick who drinks jim beam for my whiskey stag for my beer got a confederate rose tattoo and david allan coe is the man. Damn my daddy raised me right. If u wanna no more just message me ;] (I’m sure your daddy is proud, especially after he gives you a pearl necklace while your mom videotapes)

 Brooke wrote: im a redneck women i aint no high class…… you got it…. love me some good ole country times out in the feild parties hehe(Come on Brooke, you should know how to spell field by now, but then again, the I before E rule is tricky)Bev wrote:

Hey ya’all, I’m havin a redneck wedding and want any, and all suggestions! It’s at our gun club, and the bar consists of many, many coolers of beer! There is a tractor to pull the wedding party and we’re gettin married by the pond incase we catch a fish for dinner. What else am I missing?

(Bev, the only things you are missing are the midgets, deer jerky and the annulment)

Thurman wrote:

Im the biggest redneck where i live? I stil luv my copenhagen and my trucks mease with my wife ill forgive u! Mease with my trucks or dogs ill kill u? How bout yaw

(Seriously with the spelling Thurman, seriously)

Katy wrote:

i almost hate everyone who isnt white… thats not bad right? i didnt think so. everyone says heritage not hate well its both for me. hate them photo negatives and peach pickers.

(Sure Katy, it’s perfectly normal to hate people because they aren’t white, but remember, Jesus was dark-skinned)

 Derek wrote:i hate people that come from other countries and steal our jobs!!!!! and ALL muslims too

(Thanks Derek, for a minute there, I thought you were going to forget the Muslims, close one)

Thanks to all you Rednecks for inflating my intelligence ego, I needed that.  Keep on trucking, keep on hating and keep on breeding, so that future writers will have plenty of material.

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