If I Were Handicapped……

If I were handicapped I would at least try to have fun with it.  (I mean no disrespect to those who are handicapped.)
Here are a few things I would do:

**I would go to the mall, roll up into the middle of the food court and jump out of my chair screaming loudly while flailing my arms like a helicopter.

When someone approached me to help, I would rudely turn them away and tell them that I was waiting for the nice Asian girl handing out samples for the Panda Express to come over and help me.  She has a nice smile and always gives away food.

**I would go to the grocery store and roll up to the fresh vegetables.  I would take out my colostomy bag, set it on top of the tomatoes and loosen the hose from the bag.

Then I would roll away, without returning it into the back of my wheelchair, and let it fall to the tiled floor with a loud splat.  HA, jokes on you vegetable cleaner employee.

**I would go to Disney World just so I could skip everyone in line and get on the ride without waiting.

Then, as some people would shoot me snide looks because I didn’t have to wait in line, I would reply, “Hey fuck you, I’m in a wheelchair you sadistic fucks.  At least you have two legs that work.  Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride isn’t that big of a deal anyway.”

**I would go to the beach, rent one of those modified wheelchairs with the huge rubber wheels that works in sand just so I could look even more retarded than I look in a regular wheelchair.

**I would go to the local zoo, sit in front of the gorilla enclosure with a sad look on my face.

Then when someone asks me what’s wrong, I would say:

“This is what happens when you try to feed the gorillas.  They will pick you up like you are a little toy doll and body slam you to the ground for fun.  And then you will be in a wheelchair like me and pissing in a plastic bag for the rest of your life.”


4 thoughts on “If I Were Handicapped……

    • Good point, I forgot about that. Thanks for reading and commenting, I appreciate it. I honestly think about things like this when I see people in wheelchairs. Being handicapped must really be difficult and I couldn’t imagine if I was, but if I was…….

      • I had a mate in school who got roll bars for his wheel chair. We’d kit him up in helmet and pads and take him to the skate park. We got a bit adventurous one day and went down a big hill after a few times we all finally stacked it on our bikes, and him in his chair, when a resident ran out.

        “If you kids keep that up you’ll end up in a wheel chair.”

        My mate looked at him “Are you fucking kidding me?”

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