**I would go to the mall, roll up into the middle of the food court and jump out of my chair screaming loudly while flailing my arms like a helicopter.
When someone approached me to help, I would rudely turn them away and tell them that I was waiting for the nice Asian girl handing out samples for the Panda Express to come over and help me. She has a nice smile and always gives away food.
**I would go to the grocery store and roll up to the fresh vegetables. I would take out my colostomy bag, set it on top of the tomatoes and loosen the hose from the bag.
Then I would roll away, without returning it into the back of my wheelchair, and let it fall to the tiled floor with a loud splat. HA, jokes on you vegetable cleaner employee.
**I would go to Disney World just so I could skip everyone in line and get on the ride without waiting.
Then, as some people would shoot me snide looks because I didn’t have to wait in line, I would reply, “Hey fuck you, I’m in a wheelchair you sadistic fucks. At least you have two legs that work. Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride isn’t that big of a deal anyway.”
**I would go to the beach, rent one of those modified wheelchairs with the huge rubber wheels that works in sand just so I could look even more retarded than I look in a regular wheelchair.
**I would go to the local zoo, sit in front of the gorilla enclosure with a sad look on my face.
Then when someone asks me what’s wrong, I would say:
“This is what happens when you try to feed the gorillas. They will pick you up like you are a little toy doll and body slam you to the ground for fun. And then you will be in a wheelchair like me and pissing in a plastic bag for the rest of your life.”