Most of my friends come to my garage door and my doorbell is usually silent. I expected either and an alarm or yard fertilizer salesman.
But to my surprise I opened the door to find two attractive women dressed nicely and smiling at me.
“Hello. We are sorry to bother you, but we are from the new Baptist church down the road and wanted to introduce ourselves,” one of them said.
Then, before I could reply, the other woman said, “What church do you attend?”
Wow, they really got right to the point. Southern Baptists rarely have any shame whatsoever, especially when they are recruiting or drinking Mountain Dew and eating deep-fried foods. At this point, I wished I had an open can of beer in my hand and was a black dude.
“Well, my wife doesn’t go to church and I’m an atheist,” I replied politely.
HOLY, FUCKING, SHIT………………You should have seen the look on their faces. You would have thought that I just pulled my dick out of my pants and slapped them across their faces.
One of the women looked directly at me and laughed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I kid you not, she laughed at me when I told her I was an atheist. This had turned into some odd Twilight episode and for a moment I thought Ashton Kutcher was punking me. But then I realized I’m not famous and no one would ever punk me.
So, two religious women came to my house, rang my doorbell and then laughed in my face when I told them I was an atheist. Incredible.
A million thoughts jumped throughout my brain. Ask them questions about evolution, dinosaurs, gluttony (a lot of Baptists are morbidly obese), the age of the earth, the virgin birth, Noah’s arc…….etc.
Why bother? These are the types of religious people who aren’t interested in logic or having and honest discourse about religion and the world we live in.
So I just said, “Forgive me,” and then closed the door.
I wish religious people would understand that the “NO SOLICITING” sign at the front of my neighborhood includes them. After all, the bull shit they are trying to sell me is no different than the poor schlep trying to sell me magazine subscriptions.
What gives them the right?
(IMPORTANT NOTE: everything above is 100% true except for me telling them to forgive them. I borrowed that from the late, great Bill Hicks.)