Toilet Etiquette

(I’m reposting this because it’s one of my favorites and I think I’ve lost some viewers since I changed the name of my blog)

One of the most important things in our everyday lives is going to the bathroom. Amazingly, this is something that most people neglect and take for granted. So, I wrote this post to help inform others on how to go to the bathroom effectively. (this applies to men and women)

When To Go Tinkle?
Well, normally you will feel a tickling sensation or pressure in your bladder area.

This can range from a subtle nudging feeling to a downright burning, “OMG, it’s time to go” feeling. The OMG feeling is usually present while drinking at bars.

When you experience these feelings, it’s time to navigate to the nearest bathroom. Be sure to find the appropriate bathroom with the designated sign for your specified sex.

If you accidentally go into the wrong bathroom, this could become very problematic. Be sure to understand how to identify your gender, I cannot stress this enough.

Enter the bathroom and then proceed to the toilet area (for women) or the urinal (for men).

Women:
Make sure to close the stall door, spread copious amounts of toilet paper on the top of the toilet seat, then proceed with urination.

When finished, wipe accordingly, check toilet seat to make sure you didn’t leave any stray debris and flush. Then exit the stall, and wash your hands in the sink. Please refrain from passing gas at any time in the bathroom.

There could be another women in there with you who is jealous of your beauty and she may proceed to tell all the men around about your gas issues. Only pass gas on crowded dance floors or in a very loud area of the bar.

Men:
Follow the first steps above about gender identification and then proceed to the urinal.

Please, pull out your business, begin urinating and look straight ahead. Do not, no matter how tempted you are, look down at another man urinating next to you.

No one likes a “Cock-Watcher” and that’s a good way to lose teeth (pun intended).

When finished, PLEASE WASH YOUR HANDS. I’m tired of hearing, “but my dick is cleaner than anything in this bathroom.” That’s just nasty and is not supported by any credible scientific evidence.

Also, I almost forgot, remember to look down to make sure that you haven’t dripped any extra splashes on the front of your pants. Make sure to shake it accordingly before zipping up. Please exit the bathroom and rejoin your friends.

Number 2:
Well, women never do that, so I have no instructions for you.

But for men, this is a different story. If you are going to have to go “Number-2” in public, please be discreet about it.

No one likes a shitter who brags and shows off while in the stall. Everyone knows what you are doing, get over yourself.

And please, do not make any loud moaning noises, this is not necessary unless you are over 65.

Summary:
Going to the bathroom should be an easy part of your everyday life. Please don’t take it for granted and please wash your hands. Never forget, toilet seats have been proven to carry H.I.V., so always be careful. (I’m pretty sure that’s a scientific fact.)

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10 thoughts on “Toilet Etiquette

  1. SandyTongue, you – of all people – should know how stupid and gullible people are in general. So I took it upon myself to inform them correctly, in the light of your scientific evidence,LoL! You’re too much man!, funny as hell, but too much.

    HIV and AIDS are often misunderstood. In fact, since AIDS was first described in 1981, there have been a number of myths, misconceptions, and dangerous falsehoods about them.

    Though HIV/AIDS education is growing and both death rates and stigma are decreasing, it’s still important to know truth from fiction when it comes to these conditions. What do you know about these common HIV myths?

    True or False?

    People have been infected with HIV from taking the HIV test itself.
    FALSE. Some claim that the HIV test itself can give you the virus. But unless a clinic reuses a needle that was previously used on someone with HIV (a highly unlikely scenario that has never been reported), there is no way that testing for HIV could cause the infection.
    You can catch HIV from a toilet seat.
    FALSE. The HIV virus cannot be transmitted by casual contact, from a toilet seat, a doorknob, a fork, or a handshake, for that matter. The only known HIV transmission methods include unprotected sex, intravenous drug use, exposure to blood or bodily fluids from an infected person, from mother to child in pregnancy, and through blood transfusions if the blood came from an HIV infected person. (Transmission of the virus did happen through blood transfusions or blood products in the 1980s before HIV testing became routine for all donated blood, but is highly unlikely to happen in a modern medical facility.)
    There is no cure for HIV.
    TRUE. There are medications available to suppress the HIV virus in infected individuals and to lower their viral load. Such treatments can prolong or prevent the development of AIDS for years or even a lifetime. However, researchers have not found a cure for HIV that would eliminate the virus from an infected person’s body entirely.
    If you test positive for HIV, you will inevitably die from AIDS.
    FALSE. In the early years, an HIV diagnosis often meant the infected person would develop AIDS and die from complications of the disease within a matter of years, but this is no longer true. Medications, combined with lifestyle changes and complementary therapies that support the body’s ability to keep the virus in check, can keep an HIV-infected person from developing AIDS or the fatal complications associated with it for many years, or even a lifetime.
    If both you and your partner have HIV, it’s safe to have unprotected sex with one another.
    FALSE. If you and your partner both test positive for the HIV virus, that doesn’t mean you can ignore the diagnosis or live life just as you did before your diagnosis. To best decrease your odds of developing AIDS, you should both work closely with a medical professional to manage the illness. You also both need to take whatever precautions you can to prevent exposing others to the HIV virus. This includes not having unprotected sex or sharing needles with anyone, taking proper precautions to contain and warn others about exposure to your bodily fluids (such as when you’re bleeding), and following any other advice from your HIV care team. Nobody with HIV can afford to ignore his or her diagnosis for their own sake, or for the sake of others who could be exposed to the virus.
    You can spread or get HIV through oral sex.
    TRUE. One myth HIV experts often hear is that HIV can’t be spread or contracted through oral sex. This is not true. If the person performing oral sex has a cut or abrasion in their mouth and comes in contact with HIV-infected bodily fluids, they can become infected with the virus just as they could having unprotected vaginal or anal sex. Using a dental dam or condom during oral sex greatly diminishes this risk.
    Mosquitoes can spread HIV.
    FALSE. While mosquitoes can spread a number of illnesses such as West Nile Virus or malaria, there are no known cases of HIV transmission through mosquito bites. If mosquitoes could transmit the HIV virus, there would be many more cases among young children, adolescents, and other people who would otherwise be at low risk for HIV exposure.
    You could have HIV and not know it.
    TRUE. People who are infected with HIV don’t necessarily “feel” sick; it’s possible to have the HIV virus for some time before developing any symptoms. HIV testing is the only way to determine whether someone has HIV or not.
    HIV and AIDS may not be caused by the same virus.
    FALSE. Some claim HIV and AIDS are not caused by the same virus. This is not true. Without treatment, the HIV virus will probably progress to acquired immune deficiency syndrome (AIDS), which is essentially a collapse of the immune system. However, with HIV treatment, most people living with the virus are able to prolong or prevent the development of AIDS.
    If you’re taking medication for HIV, you can’t spread the virus.
    FALSE. Even while taking medication, a person with HIV can still infect others if they have unprotected sex, share needles, or expose others to their blood or other bodily fluids.

  2. James, I think you are my biggest fan. It always amazed me that people actually believed in all the myths about contracting HIV. The idiocy of America never ceases to shock me.
    Thanks for sharing the information, I’m sure there are plenty of people who are uneducated about this topic.

  3. Hahaha! Too funny and eye opening! I had no idea men were proud of pooping and you are right. Women never go #2!
    Thanks for bringing it by the party. I hope you have fun clicking on a few links and saying hello! Tell them Susie sent you and they should click back to yours.
    I actually love the header….

  4. I avoid public bathrooms at all costs. In Texas, some of the women are bigger, and I have to tell you they don’t care about the “gas” rule. It will scare you PEELESS on the POTTY. Because my GAWD did that really just come out of HERRRRR in public? RUN. That is the only rule in my book.

    😀

    Love your humor……..and I am told to say that silly Susie girl sent me. 😀 ^^^*waves to Susie*

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